Always the patient girlfriend waiting on potential

[Hellohi00]

I’ve always been the patient girlfriend, waiting for potential, hoping he would “get there” one day. Over time it’s meant I naturally become the provider. I often end up paying just to actually do things I/we would like to do. It’s always that awkward tension when he walks away while I pay. Even when I do get treated, it comes with the usual “I’ve got no money” conversation and the guilt of he’s not got it. I’m 26 now, and I can’t help but wonder will I ever be the girl who gets treated, who gets a softer, easier life, or am I always going to be the one carrying and adjusting my expectations? The one investing and lifting him up but never being in the other seat.

Is this just how life is? Has anyone else been in this situation

It is time to leave. Start afresh. You owe it to yourself to follow a better path.
It’s horrible breaking up and going through the loss of the good bits of the relationship. But it’s a sacrifice you need to make in order to find a better life.
You need to be careful when looking for future partners. Don’t go for what feels comfortable, as you’ve chosen badly in the past. Try people who feel different to what you’re used to. And be a better version of yourself in order to attract people who are in a good position. They are likely to have full lives and other options so ensure you do the work on yourself before starting to date, so that you’re also in a good position to meet a quality partner.

He is working but his job is low paid. He owes a relative quite a bit of money as they bailed him out of a spiralling debt. His money goes on him trying to pay them back, but it means he is left with not enough to survive

This. It's like dating an alcoholic and hoping they give up alcohol. Or dating a married man who claims he's going to leave.

Why go into a relationship which is already shit just with the vain hope it might be what you want eventually?

I do think especially when your in your 20s you can be guilty of giving your all into a relationship when your a female and it is not reciprocated at all, I look back at people I dated and I'm amazed I gave them the time of day or effort. (although I dated some lovely people too, we were just not compatible long term).
But if you do want someone you can go on nice dates with, have nice holidays and experiences, your not going to get it from the person you've currently described especially if there's always an excuse as to why these things can't be done.
Your still so young and you have time to meet the right person.
I know times are tough economically and starting out these days is tough but I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to occasionally have a treat or feel like someone wants to make the effort for you. Unfortunately a lot of men are very comfortable taking all the resources they can off a woman these days, so if you feel like your giving much more than you are receiving in return, you need to evaluate what you want, what your willing to give and if this boyfriend is right for you.

Your resentment and annoyance will only continue to grow. Stop wasting time and being "patient" (in other words wet and drippy) and dump him.

Time for the bin with this one. Don’t be a doormat OP.

It's like this because you have allowed it to be.

@Letsgodancing just want to say I appreciate this message. It was really lovely to read

Would people suggest me having an open chat with him, to let him know I need to see movement towards more stability

People are suggesting you walk away.

These are literally your best years and you are wasting them. Wake up!!!!

No, people would suggest you leave him. Are you even reading the responses?

Two years is not that long and you are both young.
Have a serious talk about each other's ambitions.

Ask his ambitions for his career and where he'd like to be living in ten years etc.
Ask what sights he sets for his education and training.
What are his stepping stones. His next job.
If his answers are not energetic enough for you - state that you are on different paths and are not suited for a long term relationship.

In future have some conversations early when you date people, and pay more attention as to how you are treated.

No.

He's taken money off a relative to cover his own stupidity. Now he's taking money off you. He's a taker and will forever be a taker. His potential is a cocklodger and not a successful, solvent, caring partner. Get rid.

You're choosing to stay. Raise your standards and set boundaries. Stop being passive.

I mean you could chat to him and waste another 2 years of your life. This isn't normal. You don't need to continue in this relationship or permission to end it.

Raise your standards and want more for yourself and you’ll get it.

These sorts of men will use you because they know they can get away with it.

You don’t have to buy love, you don’t have to accept less than you deserve just to keep a man.

A decent man will want to grow and progress in life with you and will want to be your equal partner.

Accept nothing but the best for yourself and only accept receiving exactly what you give out in regards to love, respect and effort.

If you don't start respecting yourself it will be like this for the rest of your life. You are the issue because you tolerate this and enable it.

Dump him and move on.

Have you been drawn more to "creative" types who seem exciting & intellectual, but are really just guys who want to bum around.

Go in to dating with a view of "his band isnt going to me make it big".

Oh god just get rid of him, you are a walking purse to this man. If you stop paying what happens? You are 26, you’ve wasted 2yrs on him, don’t waste anymore.

No, just dump him.

Woman to woman I don’t think you’re the patient girlfriend, I think you’re a push over.

It sounds like your standards are low or your self esteem needs working on. You need to know your worth before being stuck in a relationship with someone who you’re basically being a mum too. Why are you paying for everything? Boys, not men, must see you coming from a mile off if you’re letting them get away with this.

You’re still so young and you’ve made dating mistakes, not a big deal we’ve all been there. Now it’s time to know you’re worth. Dump this guy and start loving yourself first

If you stay with this loser you will never ever be the woman who is treated like the Queen she is

You're wasting your time.

It's gonna take him at least 10-15 years to get where you want him and thats only if he is motivated to change.

He seems quite comfortable where he is especially since you are paying for a lot of the stuff.

Maybe if you dump him he could change some things. But in your current situation I doubt it's gonna change and you're just wasting your youth.

When he says he's got no money, just say 'that's a shame, I was looking forward to doing xyz'. Then don't do it. Don't offer to pay any more than your half share. See how that goes.