AIBU to find it incredibly frustrating that there are basically no resources in the UK for people like me?

[Maybeasd]

I’m genuinely starting to wonder whether I’m being unreasonable or whether this is just a massive blind spot in the UK.

I’m a woman, adult, functioning perfectly well in life for the most part, but I’m very cognitively able and have always been. I’ve been properly assessed and this a known entity (I was not born nor raised in the UK for context).

The issue is I’m finding that there are only pathways if you’re struggling but not if you’re just curious. I’m not only talking about the NHS, even privately I haven’t been able to find someone who hits the spot.

I’ve looked into:
ND assessments (very binary, very impairment-focused)
talk therapy - after years of it total waste of time and money.

People in the US suggested to find a neuropsychologist but they have eye-watering costs, mostly framed around brain injury or rehab

It’s either you’re ill or you’re fine, stop asking questions.

I’m not looking for validation, labels, or coping strategies.
I’m just trying to understand how my mind works, and it feels like that’s somehow illegitimate unless I’m suffering.

So… AIBU to find this incredibly annoying?

So you've self-identified as gifted and extraordinary because you've decided your personality traits aren't ASD? What actual tangible PROOF can you give us that you're extraordinary and gifted?

I’m actually quite terrible at explaining certain things clearly (and that’s the same in my mother tongue).

Not everything of course as I was once a paid and published writer.

but translating my brain and my experience into a written form can be more convoluted and complex. That’s why I would be a terrible teacher or work in scientific dissemination.

I think that’s quite normal though, even in popular science you have the Carl Sagans of this world and your Stephen Hawkings. One was much better with words, one was much better with science, both respected astrophysicists.

You keep mentioning gifted people. What do you mean by this? I've not read anything you have written which suggests you are gifted in any way.

What is your IQ?

149

Now I know you are either bonkers or taking the mickey. 149 is certainly nothing extraordinary.
Mine is 158 but I’m not fascinated in the way my brain works like you seem to be.

Do you see how you have completely failed to answer the question I asked and have instead started going off in another direction? I think that you were trying to say 'yes, I do struggle to communicate clearly', but instead of simply saying that you decided to go off on a tangent to try and, I assume, illustrate how clever you are.

So there are 30 ‘extraordinary’ people in my town.

Is this person for real?

Hi, so I’m a neuroscientist with some expertise in brains and people.

you could do a variety of assessments but you aren’t really going to get answers. There is no specific test that will tell you how your brain works (in a way unlike others). You are asking for the impossible.

you would do better to go to the popular science section of a big bookshop and buy some books on human neuroscience.

What a waste of resources.

The trouble is that while to you your high IQ and exceptionality are externally validated facts, you do not seem aware that it will come across as arrogant to many to state this to other people, or to do so in this way.

What I think other posters are also missing is that this lack of insight into them is not normal neurotypical behavior and experiences like this are why you actually likely would really benefit from some testing for neurodiversity and isn't necessarily just taking away resources from others.

No one can diagnose you online, but I see it as a potential sign of autism. I think you would likely benefit from looking into differences between autistic and non-autistic communication styles for instance. Also that the testing you are interested in would likely be very beneficial to you and enable you to find out things that would enable better results in situations like this.

No one can diagnose you over the internet OP, but I agree with ohnonon that you are displaying a lot of ASC traits in your posts. It’s also true that a lot of people identified as gifted also have autism traits.

The question for me, is that if you were to obtain a diagnosis what would you want to change based on the outcome? What do you think would be different?

The entire online ASD community - which is total BS as a concept - dismissing you because you said you had no problem, does not mean you don't have ASD. It much more likely means means you pissed everyone off by minimising their issues and trumping on about how you've never had any issues except for having to deal with boring people, so they doubtless reacted to you being, in your own word, arrogant. To take their response to mean you're not ASD, but in fact gifted (!!!) and bemoan the lack of resources for gifted folk like you (and Hawking and Sagan) is bordering on comical. Just have the ASD assessment, which is about all your 3k will get you anyway, and re-engage from there.

When did I say that?

Sorry, that’s not correct for an IQ of 149

Well you belong to the 1% why don’t you apply for MENSA?

I don’t have any interest in that. I only took the test to see if I really was as smart as my uni professors said I was. <end of brag>

I have a friend who talks like this (who is American, so I just put it down to that) and I genuinely think it would help to get out and meet more people. Actually witness how varied and interesting everyone is (not on Reddit), try to use your mind to look outward rather than inward. In that way you can contextualise yourself, which is just as useful as in depth examination.

Do you have DCs, maybe start with being interested in how their brains work, or your DH, as you are clearly different from each other - this would actually be interesting to explore and more interesting for other people to talk to you about.

I don't think anyone can help with every trigger and reaction, unless they have walked through life with you and seen the formative experiences. As you have a dad in prison, it's possible that therapy around that might release some explanations. There are more of these services in the US because people pay for them, the same way you can more easily find a dog homeopath.

Good post

I am autistic, and in cognitive tests (oh god now I sound like Trump 🤣) I came out as gifted across all categories except arithmetic which was actually below average. I joke to my DH that the world is lucky I suck at numbers or I'd rule the woooooorld. In reality, I'm pretty clever if you let me sit in a library for a year, but at not much else. Feel free to study my brain everyone, its probably full of cheese and those socks that go missing from the washing machine.

Oh god, I wish the laughing emoji was still available. PSML.

I think this is a telling question. Most people with high IQs are interested in using their intelligence for a purpose, such as work or study. Joining MENSA is very much a minority pursuit.

My husband has a very interesting analogy for his brain, he says it’s like in Stranger Things when El walks in black/empty spaces, he says his brain is like that … empty.

I do run mental “experiments” with our DCs… a couple of weeks ago we all thought about the same song and compare notes about what we could each hear.

It was fascinating because we all had a different answer. My DH could hear himself singing, my DS could hear the vocals but not the backing track, I could hear everything but would mostly focus on the instrumental bits.

You haven't been to where I hang out then, because you scream autism with high IQ to me! I'm very connected into the UK ND scene and community. I mean that in a friendly way (again, can't diagnose you), and while it is true that traits of giftedness and autism can crossover, it is equally true they commonly co-exist but you will be a minority within a minority, as IQ is not linked to autism. Not seeing seeing your differences as problems doesn't mean you can't be autistic, either.

What the neurodiversity rights movement is partly about is seeing difference instead of (just) disability, so that's not abnormal.

To avoid the big up front expense you can try screening tests if you haven't already, some are better than others but many can be done for free online. Keep in mind high IQ often means you can 'mask' differences better and may have good coping strategies other neurodivergent people cannot use. This is also something I had to work out as I expected to fit in with other neurodivergent people and wanted to help them with all my tricks, and then had to learn what I do is not possible for everyone, and there is a lot variation within the same communities.