AIBU to find it incredibly frustrating that there are basically no resources in the UK for people like me?

[Maybeasd]

I’m genuinely starting to wonder whether I’m being unreasonable or whether this is just a massive blind spot in the UK.

I’m a woman, adult, functioning perfectly well in life for the most part, but I’m very cognitively able and have always been. I’ve been properly assessed and this a known entity (I was not born nor raised in the UK for context).

The issue is I’m finding that there are only pathways if you’re struggling but not if you’re just curious. I’m not only talking about the NHS, even privately I haven’t been able to find someone who hits the spot.

I’ve looked into:
ND assessments (very binary, very impairment-focused)
talk therapy - after years of it total waste of time and money.

People in the US suggested to find a neuropsychologist but they have eye-watering costs, mostly framed around brain injury or rehab

It’s either you’re ill or you’re fine, stop asking questions.

I’m not looking for validation, labels, or coping strategies.
I’m just trying to understand how my mind works, and it feels like that’s somehow illegitimate unless I’m suffering.

So… AIBU to find this incredibly annoying?

Being in any specified centile is unusual. Most people are not in that centile.

I've found that anyone putting weight on their IQ to be extraordinarily dull.

No, I don’t need validation I want explanation, which are different things.

So for example certain variables can trigger certain thought processes, why does that happen?

Are there any catalysts that would nurture one process as opposed to another.

Why does I think in zigzags, etc…

but most importantly the sensory aspect as I find that more fascinating, and I can now see the pattern of it through out my whole life.

I have a PhD so I'm statistically unusual too. I have known many impractical PhD students but in their subjects they are all by definition the expert and hence statistically unique. It's not something us PhD holders go around asking for help understanding.

That it’s true! Like I know plenty of people that for example are great at crafty stuff (I’m not!).

The combinations of traits is what makes us individuals.

The human brain is a complex thing. Sometimes certain things do trigger certain emotions and weird thoughts

Doesn't mean you're autistic though

Oh yeah and I’m exceptionally good at them! The College Board even sent me a certificate for having a perfect verbal reasoning score.

I actually think you can decode them
and it’s a learned skill (IME).

This is just word salad! You are posting in a way that seems to indicate you think you are saying something profound but in reality you are not communicating effectively at all. Take 'certain variables can trigger certain thought processes' what on earth is that meant to mean? Of course certain things trigger other things. The smell of chips makes me hungry, the smell of urine makes me feel a bit queasy, it's called being a human.

I'm only a PhD drop-out but I can pick just about anything up with my toes, sleep on command and I have an unfathomable tolerance to boredom. Where's the curiosity, huh? Tell me why I'm special. <Wails>

So much of this is language. You say I’m exceptional and extraordinary but those words have meanings around being great and better than. But really it’s more about being in a minority, not better and certainly not smarter or wiser in a real world day to day sense. Hence why you come over arrogant. It’s not a choice between arrogance and hiding. A clever person should be able to figure that out.

In which case why would you use them as supposed proof of how extraordinary you are?

I can’t sleep on command so chapeau ;)

It sounds as though you want to understand how your brain works but you don't have a particular problem.
Wouldn't it make more sense to do a psychology degree. I don't understand how any counselling/therapy could answer that

None of this sounds extraordinary. I am ND and all of that is pretty standard.

ETA - that was in answer to the post to me by the OP. OP - you honestly don't sound extraordinary. Lots of people have high IQs. Lots of people can also write better than you. I don't mean to burst your bubble, maybe there actually is something special about you, but currently on this thread it exists purely as you telling everyone else you're extraordinary. Which people ARE going to find arrogant. And annoying.

A socially clever person… which I don’t I necessarily am.

I think you are so very, very typically autistic OP. Or what would have been diagnosed as Asperger's syndrome in old money.

Right from writing a whole first post that no one can make head nor tail of because it's totally unclear what your issue is or what you want or need (ie not realising everyone else doesn't know your thinking) to you saying you are statistically extraordinary - to you just a fact, to the rest of the world not a thing you say out loud.

I really recognise this - and all the stuff in between from DS and others in my family with Aspergers. He also has synesthesia where he sees words as colours.

If you want to understand how your brain works maybe read up on Aspergers although obviously there's a lot of variation there still.

I really do think you need to remember though that being statistically extraordinary doesn't make you better than anyone else - except statistically. Autistic people are more at risk of developing personality disorders, it sounds like your father has what is now called Antisocial personality disorder - just be wary of narcissistic personality disorder ypurself - PD's like ASD tend to run in families.

Out of interest and curiosity, what field do you work in with your exceptional intelligence?

I actually did think about it. I got accepted and everything at Exeter, but then got a new job, so went for the new job.

Realistically my real passion is in numbers and cosmology. So eventually I’ll head back that way.

This is really self-absorbed @Maybeasd , so you saying you struggle socially is no surprise.

For me the main question is (as some PPs have also said) - why does it matter how your brain works? If you're coping/happy/healthy (delete as appropriate) then why does it actually affect you? We are all individuals and our brains may all work different. I don't know that what you see as red I see as red, or that we hear sounds in the same way etc. Nobody knows what someone else experiences. There might be some sort of research into it, I guess perhaps you could try to enrol in trials if you're really interested. But nobody is going to want to study your brain specifically and report back on it. You're just not that interesting. Nobody is (perhaps a few famously clever people aside).

As an NHS psychotherapist I’d say you’re BU if you are expecting free assessment/evaluation out of curiosity. However you said in later posts you’d be willing to pay but unsure what for.

Maybe a university could help study your brain if your curiosity aligns with anything they’re researching currently? We took part in uni studies as undergrads, you could even be paid to have an MRI for some of them.

I can understand being curious about your own inner workings, but if there is no functional impact it would be unreasonable imo to expect the NHS to investigate it. NHS talking therapies work to a medical model, so we need to be have a working diagnosis which can be treated with therapy rather than going open-ended exploration.

The whole community (online) basically told me to get lost , when I told them that I didn’t see anything wrong with me.

obviously they’re not clinicians but they were very much stuck with the “impairment” side of things and for saying that I’m thriving.

Up to that day I was somewhat certain that I had ASD.

So then I went on the tangent of looking into the traits of gifted people in adults, and there was just as much overlap.

So for example for ASD people are puzzled by the rules of engagement. I’m not, I just see them
as constructs and understand the logic of them, but I might choose to engage or not.

Like a PP mentioned what would
answer most questions is a neuropsychological assessment, and I’m happy to pay (up to £3k) but I haven’t found even one neuropsychologist with an interest in gifted people.

I’ve found a few in the US, so it’s a matter of assessing if my curiosity is worth the price tag.

You are not being clear this does not make the sense you think,

I think what is unclear is the way in which you believe you are gifted. You say you understand the 'rules of engagement' and by this I presume you mean social rules, and that you pick and choose when to engage. Does the same go for communication? Are you making an active choice to demonstrate difficulties with communication on this thread or is it the case that you are not able to clearly convey your thoughts to others?

Interesting thread. If you're that extraordinary maybe do your own research into it. I'd say, sign up for a pHD in neuro psychology and get started but you say you chose not to do a pschology degree so it does sounds like you're away off that yet. You can't be that interested in it then.
There are lots of people with genuine problems who can't get treatment on the NHS what on earth makes you think they should be helping people like you.
I'm surprised you can't find someone to take your money though, surely there's someone out there who would do so.