I don’t want to return to my job role post baby but stuck!

[Hellskitchen24]

Brief background: I’m NHS so have to pay back my enhanced maternity pay. Single mum. 9 month old baby. 12.5 hour shifts but my day is 14 hours start to finish with commute. Due back in a couple of weeks. I don’t mind the job but now it’s imminent, I know it’s not going to work.

I have not left my baby for longer than an hour. Breast fed. Co sleep. Multiple night wakes. Won’t take expressed milk. Already been ill for weeks from multiple nursery settling sessions. I’m relying on my poor mum to do drop off, pick up, and get her to sleep, which she’s never done.

What are my options? Normal hours nursing jobs are non existent.

I agree with you but if its genuinely unworkable what choice does she have? I wanted to go back to work when my little one was 10 months old. I asked my employer for flexible working so I could leave early for nursery collection. This got declined. I basically had to get signed off sick and stay off until I found a new job. I never wanted to leave my job - i loved it - but I couldn't make the nursery closing time if I left my office at 5pm so what was I meant to do? This is reality for many mums unfortunately.

My youngest is 6 now, I had to go back to work when she was 12 weeks old due to her dad royally screwing us as a family over financially and I got statuatory maternity leave pay. I worked as part time as I possible could, continued to breastfeed and Co sleep. I breastfed her until she was 3 so it is possible. Will they not allow early/late shifts instead of full shifts?

You can put in flexible working requests. They should also provide time and space for you to breastfeed. I had to fight for this but I researched the law fully before fighting my case.

Half my family are in the US! The one who took 12 weeks leave parental leave was fired soon after.

But he/she did take 12 weeks and wasn’t forced back after 2 weeks. That’s because employers now have to offer 12 weeks in the first year. I can only speak for my workplace / industry and those of my friends, but absolutely everybody - male or female - takes their full parental leave allowance over the first year. No guilt, no fear of losing their job. Otherwise you’re leaving free money on the table, so to speak. Times have moved on.

Otherwise you’re leaving free money on the table, so to speak.

It's not always paid, though?

What’s the elephant in the room? Her single parent status and the fact she has a young baby and limited support has been acknowledged several times on the thread.

I said my workplace / industry and that of my friends. We are all professionals mostly working in Finance / Law / Tech. Paid parental leave is very generous and almost everyone works for a company that has an ‘unlimited annual leave’ model (quite common in the US) so can top up parental leave with annual leave without worrying about how much AL they’ve ‘accrued’. A male co-worker came off parental leave just before Thanksgiving, was back at work for 1 week, then took a month off for Thanksgiving and Christmas. No one batted an eyelid. The market is competitive and companies can’t afford to drive out senior staff by getting arsey over a few weeks’ extra time off.

Ok so how does it work for others in the US in ordinary jobs. Shop assistant, delivery drivers, waiting staff etc

The family member who lost their job was biotech, middle manager, Silicon Valley. Been there 14 years.

Assuming they’re not self-employed or in the gig economy, they are entitled to 12 weeks off. It may or may not be paid. Big employers like large supermarket chains etc would likely have better benefits (paid parental etc) than smaller employers, but that’s the case everywhere. I was challenging PP’s comment that new mothers in the US are forced back to work 2 weeks PP, which is nonsense.

People are made redundant for all kinds of reasons. In which economy in the world are Tech jobs 100% secure? I can tell you which economy has the most abundant and highly paid tech jobs in the world…

And I can tell you which is the only economy in the developed world without any paid parental leave!

It was you claiming tech jobs were relatively secure, not me...

I’d rather have wages that keep up with inflation and no paid parental leave, than stagnant wages and whatever pittance SMP is. The only reason I left the UK was my pay, like many people’s, had stagnated. My US counterparts were being paid literally twice as much for the exact same role, it was ridiculous. I absolutely loved living in the UK, and once the new Gvmt fixes the economy, I’m sure I’ll be back!

But if it's unpaid is there any benefits to allow the mother to actually take the 12 weeks off? Else they might well have to return after a fortnight to bay bilks

Again, I was challenging the claim that they have to go back to work 2 weeks PP as if there is no entitlement to more time off. And if a mother chooses to go back to work after a few weeks off because she is the breadwinner in the household, then that’s a valid choice. This would also be the case in a UK household with a female breadwinner that could not cover bills if she dropped to SMP. What happens in reality is that most people save up before having a baby to allow them to live on reduced pay for a period of time, and it’s certainly easier to save in an economy where jobs pay relatively well.

Hmm do they pay well. We get American wait staff bleating regularly they only get paid $2 an hour.

I’m not going to derail the thread further by explaining tipping culture to you… 🤦‍♀️

Let’s agree to disagree and move on.

If you can afford to take a bit of time unpaid there's parental leave or you can take an employment break from an NHS role (I'm enjoying a year long one of these currently!)

I agree. It’s anti feminism to do this to women and babies.

And to say that it takes a village to raise a child but being ok with a single mum doing it? Is it feminist, anti-feminist, neoliberal?
Empowering women to make bad decisions and having a child that is statistically disadvantaged by default, but not to worry as the taxpayer (sorry the village) will raise it

Pretty sure if you go back on reduced hours you don't have to pay back your enhanced package. Your obligation to work for them might be extended a bit longer but that would be it. Your HR team or union can advise. Either way it's still 3 long days but if you don't go and speak to HR and ask what can be done, you won't get anywhere. You may find they'd rather have you more days on a shorter shift than only 3 days a week.

🤨

It's because I have a child under the age of 3 x

I'd say try to firm the 3 months and use up accumulated AL whilst doing so, that way it wont feel so full on.

If you are a nurse I would recommend looming into 111 clinician roles - i left the nhs for this and havent looked back. Fully remote WFH role and flexible hours , i do 6pm-10:30 twice a week and one 6-12 evening shift weekend. Pay is also great (band 7 equivalent )

I was a single mum to 3 young children. I had to return to work when my baby was 6 weeks old (1996) I would drop the older ones off at primary school and meet my friend on the school playground and she would have my baby until I finished work. She also picked up my other 2 from school. I worked mon-fri 9-5.30pm. I gave her £20 a week which was all I could afford and she was grateful for that as neither of us were well off.