I don’t want to return to my job role post baby but stuck!

[Hellskitchen24]

Brief background: I’m NHS so have to pay back my enhanced maternity pay. Single mum. 9 month old baby. 12.5 hour shifts but my day is 14 hours start to finish with commute. Due back in a couple of weeks. I don’t mind the job but now it’s imminent, I know it’s not going to work.

I have not left my baby for longer than an hour. Breast fed. Co sleep. Multiple night wakes. Won’t take expressed milk. Already been ill for weeks from multiple nursery settling sessions. I’m relying on my poor mum to do drop off, pick up, and get her to sleep, which she’s never done.

What are my options? Normal hours nursing jobs are non existent.

I could drop to 30 hours which would be roughly 3 days a week. Could not afford to pay back the enhanced leave.

Ok, you have made a mistake not prepping for this earlier but what's done is done. You have childcare, you have your mum, and your baby will definitely eat and sleep without you. it's tough, but we've all been through it.

Would my annual leave (I have 6 weeks I am half way through) count towards my 3 months I have to “pay back”?

Maternity leave in the UK is 12 months, I don't understand this pressure to go back now? At 12 months, baby will be much easier.

I’d do that then, flex working request to do 3 days 30 hours and then ride out the 3 months, any AL counts towards that

i made the mistake of saying 9 months as I would seriously struggle to afford the 3 months unpaid. I don’t think I can take my remaining three months as I’m technically back at work now (on annual leave).

Where is the dad? Why isn’t he contributing?

I don’t know how to delay returning. I’m technically already back on annual leave.

Are you looking for other roles? I really don’t quite and go into UC. That’s no life and you will be in deep water trying to pay back mat pay.

It sounds harsh but suck it up. Go back for your minimum time so as not to have to repay, or go back until you find another job. Reduce your hours if you can afford that to make it more manageable. Your baby will adapt and won’t starve, it’s a hard transition but it does get better and they do adapt.

Child under 3

The advantage of nursing is that you can have your working week over with in three shifts. But you do need a supportive partner. What does your partner say OP?

I won’t be able to use my unpaid portion of maternity leave as I’m technically already back on AL. Different shifts aren’t an option. 12.5 hours only.

No partner.

If he isn’t paying maintenance then get on that now. Men may be able to walk away but that doesn’t mean they don’t need to pay. Get on with child maintenance service if you haven’t.

I think the biggest issue here is lack of prep, you always knew this day was coming. Yes it’s a shame but this wasn’t a surprise or sprung on you suddenly so you needed to practice your mum settling baby to sleep with you there to help and not co sleeping and taking a bottle! You should have been preparing for the last month getting baby used to the transition away from you being sole carer so it’s not as upsetting for either of you.
Gently, I’m not sure why you haven’t prepared more this will now be harder than it needed to be.

See if you can use shared parental leave to have more time off? I'm not sure how it works if you don't have a partner to share it with but gov.uk will have the details as it is a statutory thing.

You can ask for parental leave which is the same as being on maternity leave at the end as it's unpaid

I'm not too sure what you want to get out of this. You have to work, you can't afford to do otherwise. It's the other things you needs to change as you don't seem to have got prepared. You will have known this time was coming. Get the baby off the breast - don't even offer. Stop the co sleeping and sleep train. Your mum sounds very helpful but have a back up in place. She will get used to nursery - they all do.

You can take up to four weeks a year https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement

I would definitely get that claim in for maintenance from the father ASAP too, if you haven't already.

When I went back to work DS was 7 months. Wouldn't take a bottle, breastfeed, hardly ate anything, coslept, multiple night waking's, wouldn't nap except on me etc. It was slightly different in that DH stayed at home with him and he went to nursery one day a week. He transitioned to drinking from a sippy cup (nuby soft spout) and was napping two hours in his cot within a week.
So I wouldn't worry too much. It does sound like you will need to work for financial reasons so you might as well go back now as in three months. You won't feel much more ready in three months because whilst you are off with your baby the same things will still apply in three months time (bf, co-sleeping, no bottle etc etc). They actually adjust better to formula and naps etc if someone else does the transitioning.
The only difficulty you face is the long hours and what will happen when baby is too ill to go to work. Do you have enough leave to look after them or will your mum do that. They will be too ill for nursery on many occasions (how many depends how easily they spike a temperature and how prone to vomiting bugs they are). But you are going to have to have a solution for this whatever job you do. I would just go back and see how it goes. I wouldn't hand notice in now and go back for minimum time as what happens if you discover it is all going ok? Only do that if you think you can survive without a job. Good Luck!

Do you live with your mum?

How were you imagining this working OP?

Honestly, you probably need to suck this up. Going back to work is always, always hard. But your baby will have a mum who they really admire for the work they do - and you will have job security and a lovely pension.

I was a community nurse when I had my son. Was due to return to work when he was 8 months old but instead I handed my notice in and accepted a job as GP practice nurse instead. I was told I needed to pay back my enhanced mat pay and was very fortunate that the surgery paid it for me because the community trust didn’t consider the GP practice to be nhs. I’m now back in the community 4 years later.

Could you look at community nursing? The hours are a lot better and your trust will likely consider them to be another nhs employer, but best to check this! Or could you put in a flexible working request to do adjusted/less hours?

You may not have a partner but your child has a father unless you used a sperm donor. Where is he in all of this, physically and financially?

UC I presume.