Wedding Invite to Husband Only

[MiniOneFree]

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

I’d always invite couples together, but had to learn that I’m in the minority. I think it’s just something people do nowadays to keep costs down. I wouldn’t take it personally, they are your husbands friends.

He’s not even invited to the wedding.

FWIW, I’ve heard of not including kids and random “plus ones”, but not spouses.

I think it’s pretty rude of them, not the done thing and you’re fine to decline. But I would go with a polite excuse. Otherwise you’re just creating drama and it won’t achieve anything anyway. Rise above it.

People go completely batshit when it comes to weddings. Suspect that they are grappling with too small a budget for their guest list and so are cutting out some other halves when the friendship is primarily with one person, forgetting that their wedding is the occasion of the year for them but not for everybody else.

Very odd. I guess its up to him if he just declines or makes a point about you not being invited. Either way, you are not going and there’s no point being upset or trying to guess why.

Hard to say since we don’t know about numbers etc, but sounds from what you’ve said that she’s excluded you through jealousy.

Who doesn’t invite couples to just the reception bit?

Just because you invited them to your wedding doesn’t mean you get an automatic invite to there’s.

Theres alot of things at play when it comes to individual wedding including budget, venue size, family size etc.

I have three siblings and so does my husband, each of the siblings have 2/3/4 children each. This took up a huge percentage of our guests and meant I had to cut my friend list shorter. It was just the way it was.

I'm going to a friends wedding soon without DH. The bride let us know beforehand she was inviting her friends, not partners, due to space.

And its all fine, as we aren't one entity but two individual people.

So very true and good to be reminded I shouldnt care or waste time thinking about it, thank you.

On a personal level and I know this is not your situation, but honestly I am usually very relieved NOT to get a wedding invite. I bloody hate the things these days. Sorry for the divert.

Anyway, is there any way your husband could discreetly find out if any other friends of theirs have +1 invites. That way you'll know it's either not just you or it is. Then your DH can decide what to do. Look, I feel I am pushing for drama here, but if it was me, I'd like to know what their invite criteria for friends is.

I never understand this weird inviting people to only part of the day, but I thought the evening bit was for people like work colleagues, not good friends.
I think it is rude not to include the spouse. And hurtful that he’s only been invited to the evening reception. I’d decline, with no reason given. Let them speculate- and if they don’t, then hardly a close friendship anyway.

It might just be they already are at capacity with family and closer friends, he’s invited to the evening only so I imagine it’s just probably that.

I’d never do this and think it’s extremely rude but I think a lot of couples now are re-writing the wedding rule book and don’t care about traditional etiquette.

Your husband shouldn’t go but being honest about why is another question, as they’re allowed to invite (or not) who they want. Perhaps he could just decline without offering any further explanation.

@MiniOneFree I'd get your DH to send his mate a message saying:

"thanks for the wedding invite. I'm little baffled that it's only my name, as last time I checked I still had one of those wife things, or are partners not invited?!"

Keep it light hearted and see what he says. It could be just an error, or it could be the wife has turned into an evil bridezilla!

Neither of you are invited to the wedding.

Your husband is probably invited to the party part as one of the grooms group of mates.

That poster above me's text suggestion is so cringey 😄

No in the real world it’s not normal

This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.

How much time have either of you spent with either of them since 2022?

He’s your husband’s friend. That doesn’t mean he has to pay to feed and entertain you as well.

It does not seem to be common in my friendship circle other than if it is workmates sometimes then it is a single invite.

As someone said it is probably a budget thing. I would tell you dh to decide himself if he wants to go our not. It is an evening invite I could not get worked up about it and in all honesty would be pleased not to be named.

I’d always invite both husband and wife or long term girlfriend and boyfriend… and I had a small wedding!

But I also understand why old friends / colleagues only invite the person they are closer too especially with rising costs and wedding numbers.

If you were close, met up often, double dates I’d be annoyed.

If they met you at your wedding or a few times I understand it.

Since you and Amy aren’t close I’d just tell my DH to go and enjoy the night and do something else on my free evening and wouldn’t give it a second thought x

I think it is pretty off to be honest. Especially since it's just the evening reception, so presumably they won't be feeding you a sit down meal?
I'm on your side but I'd just make a very feeble excuse (so they guess it's an excuse), as I don't think it's worth the confrontation. I don't think I'd be making any effort from now on. It doesn't sound like you socialise as a couple so that won't be a problem.

I would just decline in a neutral way as in Thanks for the invite, unfortunately I will not be able to attend. Then if his friend asks he can tell him that he didn't want to go on his own. I think it's odd behaviour too

Turn up anyway

How often have you seen the 2 of them since your wedding?