Wedding Invite to Husband Only

[MiniOneFree]

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

I think its odd but I also think child free weddings are odd so I think I just have a different idea about weddings than other people

MiniOneFree
You weren't invited because Amy commented when she first met you how attractive you were and it's stuck with her ever since
She doesn't want the competition plain and simple

You say your husband and the friend are very close. In that case I think you should encourage him to go. No point ruining the friendship.

DON'T do this.

You'd make yourselves look ridiculous.

If your dh wants to go, catch up with old friends, and have a night out, he should go.
If he isn't capable of enjoying himself without his wife then he should decline.

But just decline politely saying, 'Thanks for the invitation, unfortunately I won't be able to attend. Hope you have a lovely day'.

Yeah, that’ll be it 😂

She gave you a compliment at the expense of the long term friend and you get insulted ? And remember it years later ?

aside from that I do find the no plus one thing very tight - I know weddings can be expensive but that’s because I think people prioritise the wrong thing - the instagram look over old friends and possible new friends

I would have your husband go to be there for his friend because loneliness is a growing problem in society and it isn’t fixed by taking the hump

YANBU. The whole concept of marriage in our culture is about two people becoming "a unit" who will always be there for eachother through the bad times and the good. Selecting half of a couple who you know better and excluding the other is frankly just pissing on the whole concept and shows that this couple don't really understand what marriage is. The good times include celebrating with friends and getting to know the people that your best friends and close relatives have married/are going to marry. Plus you had the courtesey to include her in your own wedding and she and John don't even have the good grace to return the kindness.

Your DH is right to not go and shouldn't lie about why. He shouldn't pretend you are away but he doesn't have to say "it's because @MiniOneFree isn't invited" quite so bluntly - he can just say "Dear John - Wishing you all the best for your wedding but I'm sorry I can't be there. Wherever @MiniOneFree is that evening is where I'll be, as I am sure you understand as you love Amy just as much. May your married life be as blessed and joyful as ours is. Best wishes, (DH)"

I think it’s a bit off. You say DH is good friends with the groom. I’d have expected him to go the main ceremony and if numbers were tight you then join at the later reception. That’s what I had to do with a few friends at my wedding. Their partners came for the evening.

He normally sees him without you and you have only met his wife once.

I would only be upset if you were the only other half bit to be invited but if they've been invited as a group of friends without partners that's fair enough

I agree about not taking it personally but, strictly - and I think it makes a difference - they’re not your husband’s friends. The groom is an old school friend of your husband, though I do understand that as couples you’ve been in touch with each other. Essentially I think they’re having to plan according to their finances and want to acknowledge the relationship between the two men. I’d be ok with him going, though as I read it, he’s not been invited to the actual wedding.

Your husband is friends with the groom. You've met the bride once.
I imagine they are short on Guestlist space. Maybe one or other of them has a big family, or they've got a small venue, or many other reasons.

Not sure why people are jumping to the idea the bride must be jealous, seems a stretch.

You don't know them and your husband has only been invited to the evening so clearly isn't a close friend. I'd see it in the same way as when DH gets a reception invitation for a colleague, I wouldn't expect to be going.

It's fucking rude.

YANBU for being bewildered at no invite.

YABU for dictating to your husband how he should decline. You can't really want him to go if you're not even happy for him to just say he has other plans that day.

I’ve never heard of only one married partner being invited but I’m old, I haven’t been to a wedding in years (I’m on the funeral circuit) so maybe I’m out of touch. I can understand people not inviting “plus 1s” but not an actual married partner.

I was young and did most of my 'wedding going' back in the 80s and early 90s. Even then (so 35 - 40 years ago) I went to plenty of weddings where evening guests were invited as a group without partners and spouses. Colleagues weddings, or sports team mate, or friends from University, or fellow volunteers. Family and really close friends tend to be invited to the ceremony and the meal in the day, and then 'other friends' invited to party in the evening. But numbers are still limited, so it has been for decades, and very much still is at the weddings my now adult dc attend, normal to invite groups of friends who know each other, without the partners who you might not know.

This is a really good point about marriage

There is no mention of groups and I think this is a misunderstanding. It's a single invite.

I don't really understand why you're at all offended or upset OP.

Yes in 90% of cases spouses get a plus one. But not in every case. Numbers have to be capped, costs are not infinite and sometimes you just don't know one of your friend's partners very well or at all, and the friendship is with the friend alone.

If I thought I was good friends with someone and didn't get the plus one I'd be hurt. But in the OP's situation, where I barely know the couple and have only met the bride once, I'm struggling to see why I'd want to go that much?

Like, granted this may not be the norm, but it's not unusual either. But the offence is disproportionate to your actual relationship with the couple.

My son and his now wife had a relatively small wedding and after family etc were invited there wasn't room for too many evenings guests, but he really wanted his close friends there, so invited 5 of them but no partners/spouses. They all happily attended, and apparently it wasn't a problem at all. Obviously it's best to invite couples, but not always practical. I think it depends on how close you are, numbers available, cost. I wouldn't take offence though. Also, i agree with previous poster... I dread getting wedding invites... a lot of unnecessary fuss and expense...and hassle

Had there been a conversation about the wedding and both of you attending?

Tbh the more I think about it, the more I don’t like it. Sure “it’s only the evening “ but tbh I think that makes it worse. Unless the reception is in a something the size of a shoe, what’s the harm in you going? What is it actually going to “cost them “ to invite you in the evening ? Unless it’s a free bar and you’re a staggering drunk, not very much? Food if provided, is there, if you’re there or not.

even if the new wife does have an issue, can’t she just smile at you for the sake of her new husband and his apparent oldest friend. I dunno I’ve already replied but the more I think, the more off it feels. You didn’t even know her and she went to your wedding

Hard to say since we don’t know about numbers etc, but sounds from what you’ve said that she’s excluded you through jealousy.

I hope you didn't pull any muscles with that ridiculous reach.

If you haven't met up as couples in the 3 yrs since the wedding then you're not friends. The h2b has invited his friend and that's fair enough. Maybe she picked up on you being offended at a standard wedding joke and realized you're not each other's sort of people.

A friend of mine who my husband doesn’t really know didn’t invite married partners to her wedding as she couldn’t afford to. There was no offensive taken, she didn’t know my husband but knew me well, and this sounds like the same situation I’m not sure why you’re offended.

You met her once, 4 years ago! If they've had to make adjustments to the guest list for whatever reason, it's no wonder you didn't make the cut.

If your DH is good friends with the groom, why have the four of you never hung out together in that time?