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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Invite to Husband Only

626 replies

MiniOneFree · 03/02/2026 14:53

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

OP posts:
Endofyear · 03/02/2026 15:31

It wouldn't bother me and I would encourage DH to go. They're not your friends, the groom is your DHs friend and it may be that they are limited by numbers and have just decided to only invite friends and not their spouses. It's not a big deal and it's pretty normal these days!

Itiswhysofew · 03/02/2026 15:32

Why do they imagine your DH would be interested in attending their evening wedding reception, where he may not actually know anyone, apart from the couple?

Considering they were both invited to your wedding, it's a bit odd.

Something strange going on, I'd say.

Oakbud · 03/02/2026 15:32

I don't know, I mean it is a bit funny.

But if you were both invited and you didn't want to go (as not being friends yourself with either/having to sort babysitter or taxi etc) it would be hard to decline your invite and dh to go.
This way dh can chose himself to go to his friend's evening do or not.

I think I'd accept they were never going to he couple friends but encourage dh to go. Will he have other friends there? If not, I fully understand him not wanting to go, and his friend v rude in expecting him to come alone. And he should decline.

Hope this makes sense!

Allseeingallknowing · 03/02/2026 15:33

Endofyear · 03/02/2026 15:31

It wouldn't bother me and I would encourage DH to go. They're not your friends, the groom is your DHs friend and it may be that they are limited by numbers and have just decided to only invite friends and not their spouses. It's not a big deal and it's pretty normal these days!

Normal these days? Don’t think so! It’s bad manners too.

Delphiniumandlupins · 03/02/2026 15:34

I'm guessing the groom had a certain number of spaces for his friends and would rather invite more friends. I think it's quite normal, with evening invites, to not invite plus ones. A group of friends who share a hobby, a group of work colleagues, a group who were friends at school are all likely to be invited solo.

TwoTuesday · 03/02/2026 15:34

I wouldn't bother going to just an evening do of a wedding, it's so awkward to spawn into an event when it's nearly finished, especially on your own. If they really wanted him there, they would have given him a proper invite. It is odd to not invite you as a couple, especially as it's just the evening so cheaper per guest.

Lana3455 · 03/02/2026 15:36

I’m posting here because I was quite surprised at some of the responses here so maybe my perspective and experience might fit with the couple who are getting married. For all of my friends other halves have only been invited to the wedding if they have spent any meaningful time with the couple getting married, otherwise only the person who is friends with the couple is invited. Honestly this has been the case at almost every wedding I’ve been to in the last few years, including my own. I would be horrified to think someone I didn’t know would be offended that I didn’t invite them to my wedding, especially the full wedding as cost per guest is very expensive and often numbers are extremely tight. I do agree that ideally you would invite both, but I don’t think it’s worth taking offence over given it’s just likely to be a numbers problem rather than them disliking you? And it sounds as though you have only met them once. Given your husband is only invited to the reception it sounds very likely they have struggled with numbers and maybe don’t feel like your husband is even that close to them, in which case I definitely wouldn’t expect to be invited

Aluna · 03/02/2026 15:38

I think it’s entirely up to your DH what reasons he gives for not going,

Some people are worth having an honest communication with and some aren’t.

FarmGirl78 · 03/02/2026 15:41

Why are you so bothered that you've not been invited to the evening wedding reception of someone you met once 4 years ago, and hardly spoke to at the time? 🤷🏻‍♀️

InMyOodie · 03/02/2026 15:41

I would get the impression that they don't even want your husband to go. They probably invited him on his own to just the evening reception assuming he'd turn it down.

saraclara · 03/02/2026 15:42

my husband is in contact with John weekly and they're very close. I haven't seen Amy since our wedding.

Then, to me at least, the arrangement seems fine. You don't know Amy, and when you met her you didn't even like her. So why do you want to go?

Twice I was invited to wedding receptions as the sole invitee. Each time it was for a colleague's wedding. It didn't bother me at all, and it certainly didn't bother my late husband. And at both it was clear that I and a handful of colleagues all had similar invitations and consequently we all enjoyed the events as a small group without having to awkwardly involve our partners.

I don't get the insistence from some, that a married couple become a single entity that shouldn't be separated. My husband and I were two separate people who loved each other deeply, but weren't chained together.o

21ZIGGY · 03/02/2026 15:42

MiniOneFree · 03/02/2026 15:26

We don't hang out as a couple but my husband is in contact with John weekly and they're very close. I haven't seen Amy since our wedding.

There is no indication of the size of the reception just that it's at a hotel.

I actually think it is rude but accept they don't want me there. My husband has decided he doesn't want to go which makes me feel a bit sad. I am not the sort of person who would make him feel bad for going, that's wrong. I like doing my own thing and more than happy for him too.

Don't take it personally, you don't know that they don't want you there. It might just be they cannot afford to have guests, they don't really know that well. Your husband should go if they are such good friends, it will be a shame not to see him get married.

Parky04 · 03/02/2026 15:43

MiniOneFree · 03/02/2026 15:26

We don't hang out as a couple but my husband is in contact with John weekly and they're very close. I haven't seen Amy since our wedding.

There is no indication of the size of the reception just that it's at a hotel.

I actually think it is rude but accept they don't want me there. My husband has decided he doesn't want to go which makes me feel a bit sad. I am not the sort of person who would make him feel bad for going, that's wrong. I like doing my own thing and more than happy for him too.

They can't be that close as he isn't invited to the wedding ceremony!

Original poster
MiniOneFree · 03/02/2026 15:43

I would add that John is one of my husbands closest and longest friends. I think it's offensive to my husband, perhaps more than me and he very much feels it was the brides decision not his friends. We were looking forward to it, even if it was just the evening reception. But I'll get over it.

OP posts:
ASometimeThing · 03/02/2026 15:43

I’d refuse an evening only invitation anyway, and the fact that only your husband is invited is just rude. My husband wouldn’t be interested in going without me.

We’d be more than happy to decline.

Skyflyinghigh · 03/02/2026 15:43

I only invited my workmates and not their other halves to the evening do. I work in a massive department though across 2 sites and had to watch numbers. I don’t think it’s all that strange

DarkForces · 03/02/2026 15:44

He's not unreasonable to politely decline but you would be unreasonable to insist he says it's due to not inviting you. What will this achieve?

TinyCottageGirl · 03/02/2026 15:45

Did you only meet her once at your wedding? Really is it a big deal, yes it's not nice but they probably have a smaller budget and have had to cut the numbers.

saraclara · 03/02/2026 15:45

Delphiniumandlupins · 03/02/2026 15:34

I'm guessing the groom had a certain number of spaces for his friends and would rather invite more friends. I think it's quite normal, with evening invites, to not invite plus ones. A group of friends who share a hobby, a group of work colleagues, a group who were friends at school are all likely to be invited solo.

Exactly. It's basically a party, and it being preceded by a wedding doesn't really make a difference, if it's been designed as a chance for people who are friends to hang out and have a laugh.

MajorProcrastination · 03/02/2026 15:46

We got married during rugby season so we had the whole of my husband's rugby team show up for our evening do (they were invited!). Some partners came but mostly a bus load of men. We didn't even do proper evening invitations - I think it was just word of mouth invites for that part of the day!

I've been to his teammate's wedding as an evening guest with the other wives when the men went for the full day. Totally fine by me.

I was invited to a friend's wedding without my husband because she could either invite the whole friendship group of girls or only half of us and husbands because of numbers and she said she'd rather the girls she's known since she was 11 there to share her day than some random guys she doesn't talk to through the year and has no connection with.

I've been to weddings without my husband when he's not been able to get the time off work (shift work) and I've had a fabulous time.

He's effectively been invited to a party. I honestly don't care if my husband's invited to a party without me.

From your post it sounds like you've only met the bride once and she seems friendly. She's practically a stranger. This isn't worth getting worried about. Your husband can have a nice night out and you can do something else with people you do know that night.

bridgetreilly · 03/02/2026 15:47

It’s weird and not a thing. But I honestly wouldn’t take it personally. The main friendship is with your husband and they will be desperately trying to keep numbers down. Just let it go.

TheNightingalesStarling · 03/02/2026 15:47

I'm contrast to my previous answer,I would guess that either John doesn't see the friendship the same, or he's "moving on" with or without encouragement from his partner. I had presumed it was a group invitation to a general social group.

So gonout and do something fun together

CantBreathe90 · 03/02/2026 15:49

How awkward! Presumably in these circumstances it would be a bit pants for the person going alone too, unless your husband (in this case) knows loads of people who are going? As the bride and groom will be busy chatting to everyone.

HelenaWilson · 03/02/2026 15:49

Hard to say since we don’t know about numbers etc, but sounds from what you’ve said that she’s excluded you through jealousy

You think that Amy, in the throes of planning her wedding, has that much headspace to give to someone she met once, and exchanged a bit of polite chitchat with, nearly four years ago? I doubt she'd recognise op if she met her in the street.

I know MN likes to say 'she's jealous!' at any opportunity, but this is really stretching it.

Henriettafromdablox · 03/02/2026 15:49

I get how you feel but if I was your DH, I’d just go on my own. It sounds like a space / costs saving move.