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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Invite to Husband Only

626 replies

MiniOneFree · 03/02/2026 14:53

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

OP posts:
Parky04 · 03/02/2026 16:26

Changingtimes81 · 03/02/2026 16:09

My DH wouldn't accept an invitation to a wedding I wasn't invited to. It's lacking in etiquette & bad manners.

Blimey, I've been to 4 weddings without DH. He is disappointed when he is invited!

LoveWine123 · 03/02/2026 16:27

MiniOneFree · 03/02/2026 15:43

I would add that John is one of my husbands closest and longest friends. I think it's offensive to my husband, perhaps more than me and he very much feels it was the brides decision not his friends. We were looking forward to it, even if it was just the evening reception. But I'll get over it.

To be honest, I’d be more offended that your husband was only invited to the evening party. If they are such close friends, how come he’s not at the actual wedding? The whole thing just indicates they are not bothered if he’s there or not and I would not want to go if I were in your DH’s place.

PinkTonic · 03/02/2026 16:28

People are so rude. I’d just decline and not give a reason

BillieWiper · 03/02/2026 16:29

I don't think you can dictate what excuse he gives them for non attendance.

I'd imagine it's financial. It can only really be that. It seems like nobody was getting plus ones.

He is not going, which is what you want. I think that should suffice rather than insisting he says he's deeply hurt you haven't been invited.

I simply can't imagine your omission was meant maliciously. So it can only really be budget related.

Lifejigsaw · 03/02/2026 16:29

Actually, I think it's weird that unless you have an unlimited budget/capacity you have to invite your friends partners who you might not know at all, over your actual friends!

Fodencat · 03/02/2026 16:31

Very unusual to do this. You invite the couple. Sounds really “off”

Uhghg · 03/02/2026 16:32

YABU I’ve been to several weddings where plus 1s aren’t invited.

For many venues there are only a set number of people allowed.
If everyone brought a plus 1 then they’ll run out of numbers very quickly.

Why are you so upset about not being invited to a wedding of someone you are not close to?

You and your DH seem to be taking this very personally.
Are you both usually so sensitive?

Changingtimes81 · 03/02/2026 16:33

SusanChurchouse · 03/02/2026 16:26

Will he know other people going? Are they also going alone? I gave all my guests the option of a plus 1 or named their partner. I wanted people to enjoy themselves, and figured they would be happier if they at least had the option to bring someone along for company. Not all were romantic partners, DH’s best friend brought her friend (who had met DH years earlier so it was nice). I factored the numbers into my venue choice.

'DHs best friend brought HER friend' 😂

Are you not considered his partner & best friend? There is no way my DH would get away with saying another woman was his best friend & thankfully he would never dream of it 😂

Lifejigsaw · 03/02/2026 16:34

Changingtimes81 · 03/02/2026 16:33

'DHs best friend brought HER friend' 😂

Are you not considered his partner & best friend? There is no way my DH would get away with saying another woman was his best friend & thankfully he would never dream of it 😂

Edited
Show quote history

Perhaps not everyone is that possessive?

sesquipedalian · 03/02/2026 16:34

Well, I’m obviously just out of touch, because when my DD was sorting out her wedding, I told her she absolutely could not invite one half of a married couple even if she’d never met their spouse. I just think it’s rude, especially if the invitation is only for the evening.

Cakeandcardio · 03/02/2026 16:35

Selfish arseholes really. But such is the way.

Nancylancy · 03/02/2026 16:35

I didn't get invited to a close friend of DH's wedding, but at the time we were not married and I barely knew the bride and groom. Also, they actually explained up front that they were very limited with numbers due to a small and intimate venue, so I wasn't the only partner not invited.

The irony is, I'm now (years later) godmother to their children and we've been on holidays with all our kids together!

WildLeader · 03/02/2026 16:36

The “punching” comment says a lot @MiniOneFree

if your H wants to decline and say he’s busy, let him.

they are only inviting him to the afterthought section of the day anyway. It’s a lot of expense and effort for a few sandwiches and a bit of cake. He’ll have to take a decent gift at the least.

nah, they’re showing you both how unimportant you both are to them. He can catch up with his old school friend socially after he gets married, and before the marriage crashes and burns.

Uhghg · 03/02/2026 16:36

Changingtimes81 · 03/02/2026 16:33

'DHs best friend brought HER friend' 😂

Are you not considered his partner & best friend? There is no way my DH would get away with saying another woman was his best friend & thankfully he would never dream of it 😂

Edited
Show quote history

That’s weird.

One of my best friends is a man I’ve known since childhood.

You can have more than 1 best friend and your DP is different to your regular best friends.

RandomMess · 03/02/2026 16:37

It’s weird that they are very good friends and he’s not an usher or similar tbh.

ilovepuppies2019 · 03/02/2026 16:37

I'm shocked at the number of people who wouldn't go to a wedding without their partner or spouse Presumably you know the person getting married and your partner doesn't. It's not offensive to be left out of the wedding of people you don't know. There's a real level of anxiety or fear for some people about going to an event without a partner. But presumably these people know the person getting married and probably other people at the event so what's the fear? It's okay to be without a partner sometimes and have separate experiences. It's not a threat to your marriage. Leaving a partner out of a wedding invitation is almost certainly always due to costs or not wanting a person they don't know at the wedding. There's nothing offensive in that. I sometimes wonder how people think singles cope when they don't have the security of a partner to attend all events at. That can take a level of courage that's rarely acknowledged.

boxofbuttons · 03/02/2026 16:38

Lifejigsaw · 03/02/2026 16:29

Actually, I think it's weird that unless you have an unlimited budget/capacity you have to invite your friends partners who you might not know at all, over your actual friends!

Edited

Agreed. Perhaps my friend group are unusual but I've been to a few weddings solo, as has DH. His primary school best friend he now sees once a year on his own because he lives 300 miles away and who I've never met has absolutely no connection to me at all but obviously wants DH at his wedding, why should they have to fork out for me to be there too? Ditto old work friends of mine who I'm still in touch with but who have met DH a couple of times at most. Obviously if you're having a big wedding and can afford all the plus-ones, great, but I don't particularly want to be at a wedding of someone I barely/don't know, nor would I have I invited someone I barely/didn't know to mine, so even though I know it was the done thing at one point I think it's a bit odd.

I would be a bit less keen if I were going to be there entirely alone and didn't know anyone else, but given that he's an old school friend of your husband's I assume he'll have old school mates to catch up with/be seated with. I'd tell him to go and have a nice time!

Carrotsandgrapes · 03/02/2026 16:38

It's hard to know whether or not you and DH should be annoyed if you don't know the full context. Eg: is it family only ceremony, and then a handful of their closest friends in the evening? If so, then you shouldn't be offended. Admittedly, if this is the case the friend should have explained this.

If it's a bigger wedding, then yes, you probably have grounds to be a bit annoyed. TBF though, if it is a big wedding I think it's your DH who should feel most slighted, because he was only invited to the evening.

I wonder if what this is revealing, is that your DH thinks he and this guy are very close friends, but the friend doesn't see their relationship the same way.

Personally, things are so expensive these days, I think it's fine not to invite partners who you rarely see/don't know very well, as long as the invitee will know other people at the wedding and won't be stuck on their own.

Viviennemary · 03/02/2026 16:39

Just let your DH tell them you are away if thats how he wamts to deal,with it. The. Dont give it much more thought. It was a bit cheeky if them not to invite you.

Kizmet1 · 03/02/2026 16:39

I voted that you're not being unreasonable, because it does sting and it does feel rude, but sadly I do think it is more and more of a "thing".

I've been invited to a friend's wedding but my DH wasn't. There is no bad blood or fallings out etc. she just needs to try to keep costs low so if she or the groom are not close to both parties, they're not invited.
It feels a bit odd, but it's their day and their budget and I do want to celebrate them, so I'll go.

Notquitethetruth · 03/02/2026 16:40

I would decline the invitation. I couldn't imagine sending out an invitation to.just one half of a couple, especially without contacting them and explaining the reasoning behind it (if there is one). It's rude and arrogant.

Happyjoe · 03/02/2026 16:42

I hate going to weddings, so be a big phew from me, lol.
It is rude though, yeah, things may be tight finance wise, so just cut the numbers - let those know that they're not invited, just am skint, or elope and it's not personal. But I'd never not have invited spouses, that's just odd behaviour, I'd rather just not invite them at all.

This is why a drive through, with Elvis in Vegas is the only way to get married, none of the hassle, no upsetting people and all of the holiday 😂

tachetastic · 03/02/2026 16:42

MiniOneFree · 03/02/2026 14:53

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

I think it is a bit rude not to invite you, but if they are squeezed for numbers maybe they have decided that they would rather both invite a load of their old school friends without their spouses rather than only half as many with their spouses?

Fine for your DH not to go if he doesn't mind missing his mate's party, but I would just say you're away rather than he won't go because you can't go. That just runs the risk of making you look really needy and a little bit primadonna.

TheNightingalesStarling · 03/02/2026 16:42

Say you have space for 8 friends.
You have 6 good friends, 4 of whom are married.

Who do you invite? Your actual friends, the couples, leave one couple out?

Happyjoe · 03/02/2026 16:43

TheNightingalesStarling · 03/02/2026 16:42

Say you have space for 8 friends.
You have 6 good friends, 4 of whom are married.

Who do you invite? Your actual friends, the couples, leave one couple out?

Or go somewhere else where everyone can go?