Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Invite to Husband Only

626 replies

MiniOneFree · 03/02/2026 14:53

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

OP posts:
StrawberrySquash · 03/02/2026 15:11

I think reception only is fine for people who won't need to spend the night away from home. And numbers are a nightmare and you have to make tradeoffs. My friend has gone for a pricey place they loved, but it's meant fewer people and so they've not invited some partners.

GreyCarpet · 03/02/2026 15:11

I'd also always invite the partner/spouse.

I wouldn't accept an evening only invite anyway (unless it was a really tiny close family only ceremony).

I wouldn't accept if my partner wasn't invited (unless the circumstances were very specific).

Shoecamp · 03/02/2026 15:12

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Nothing suggests that it is a very very small and intimate wedding, as there are people invited just for the evening do. Which sounds a lot more like a larger wedding to me. Or a small wedding and larger evening party.

sittingonabeach · 03/02/2026 15:13

When did you last see them?

Pausedandwaited · 03/02/2026 15:14

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Ponderingwindow · 03/02/2026 15:14

He shouldn’t give a reason for declining. He should just decline.

inviting just your husband is rude. This is not a trend that needs validation or even acknowledgement. Just check no and move on.

sittingonabeach · 03/02/2026 15:15

When you say reception do you mean the meal or just evening party? Is it possible the ceremony is family only and then they are having small gathering for a meal

BellaLunaa · 03/02/2026 15:16

I think it’s really rude to not invite a spouse to a wedding and I wouldn’t go without my husband. We had a super small wedding and spouses ate into half of the guest list but it is what it is. It’s the only way not to upset people.

You can’t ask someone to come and celebrate you and your beloved but leave theirs at home.

I wouldn’t say you’re away though. I would just decline politely and if asked why I would say it didn’t feel right to attend a wedding without my husband.

HappyFace2025 · 03/02/2026 15:17

Your DH isn't even invited to the wedding, just the evening. In his place 8 wouldn't give a reason for not attending unless he is asked and he can tell them the truth if he wants.

ViperHalliwell · 03/02/2026 15:17

Inviting only the person with the direct connection and no one else (not only no open "plus one" invitation, but not even a spouse) could be a strict cost- or space-saving measure, but it's controversial. It may have become normalised a little during COVID, when there actually were hard limits on numbers. In this case, given the extra message to make sure he knows it's specifically him only, it's pretty blunt. And, given that they both were at your wedding, a visible break with conventional etiquette. Their choice, of course, but they must be expecting some invitees to decline for this reason.

CRbear · 03/02/2026 15:17

I am surprised you invited his partner to your wedding as it sounds like it was the first time you met her? With the cost of including people it seems very extravagant to me to include people you have never met! And in the 3 years since you haven’t socialised? I’m not surprised you’re not invited. We only included spouses of school friends who we knew personally. So only about 2 of the 8 invited, had their partners invited to. Worked for us.

Rainbowdottie · 03/02/2026 15:18

I’ve never heard of only one married partner being invited but I’m old, I haven’t been to a wedding in years (I’m on the funeral circuit) so maybe I’m out of touch. I can understand people not inviting “plus 1s” but not an actual married partner.

I do get the reasoning that someone here has put it’s part of “an old mates” thing in the evening. If none of the wives have been invited, I can see that, but I guess you don’t know if that’s the case.

we’re old. My husband or I wouldn’t go without the other one. It’s become a bit of a TikTok trend hasn’t it…” if I’ve got £20 and he’s got £0 we’ve got £20…if he’s asked and I’m not, we don’t go ..etc”

at the end of the day it’s up to the pair of you how to handle it. I think it’s ok to say if he isn’t going, the real reason, he doesn’t have to rude about it. But I definitely wouldn’t be sending texts or asking for confirmation and clarification. It is what it is and made clear on the envelope. The here and now is whether your husband is going and if not what to say.

tinytinyviolin · 03/02/2026 15:19

He’s an old school friend who you don’t seem to know well and you don’t really know the bride. Sounds like an evening invite for him is fair enough. Sounds like he’s in the category of mate/colleague who comes to the evening do.

@MiniOneFreeI realise you invited them both to your wedding but that was your choice and they’re making their own choices.

You’re also not really being fair with your husband who now feels he needs to decline in case it displeases you and then cause issues with the friend by telling them why.

‘I want him to go but if he does I’ll be pissed off’ is basically what you’re saying. I think you need to grow up a bit.

ittakes2 · 03/02/2026 15:24

you yourself said you have met the bride once … I would analyse why you were so excited to get the invite as you are clearly not close as a couple?
you also give the impression you are not close to the groom either - just your hubby.
if there is hurt I would have said it’s more from your hubby’s point of view that his old friend did not consider him highly enough to get an invite to the reception.
He should go if he wants … or not if he does not want to … but the idea of texting about you not being invited is cringy. He’s only offered to do that because you are upset. It’s their wedding there will be dramas let your hurt feelings not add to it.

tinytinyviolin · 03/02/2026 15:25

I went to a colleagues’ evening do in the summer. I had never met her husband before the wedding and only once since.
According to Mumsnet she was rude for not inviting me for the whole day and then for only inviting me.

I think that’s fucking mad! I was happy to be invited to the evening reception along with my other colleagues and would never have expected my husband to come.

I am also capable and happy to socialise without my partner without this causing huge offence too. We don’t have to come as a pair.

Allseeingallknowing · 03/02/2026 15:25

PevenseygirlQQ · 03/02/2026 15:05

It might just be they already are at capacity with family and closer friends, he’s invited to the evening only so I imagine it’s just probably that.

In that case don’t invite the husband without the wife. It was rude, and bad manners to just invite the husband.

LocalHobo · 03/02/2026 15:26

but I thought the evening bit was for people like work colleagues, not good friends.
Exactly. The evening event is very much not the wedding. I think evening invites are very much 'duty' to colleagues or friends of the parents...and only accepted if the location is local and no babysitter needed.
Obviously the couple don't see your DH as important to them so, logically you are even less so.
Now you know to concentrate on proper friendships.

Createausername1970 · 03/02/2026 15:26

I am old and old fashioned. My wedding ceremony and meal afterwards was small, 30 at most, close family and close friends.

The evening do was larger, and that's where everybody else was invited to.

I think it's odd to not include a spouse or long term partner to the evening celebration.

beAsensible1 · 03/02/2026 15:26

if you don't really know them its not that rude is it? its his old friend, so he's been included. thats it. if it far i wouldn't go, if its close id pop by and see some old faces and say congratulations.

I wouldn't expect anyone but my closest friends to invite my dp to their weddings.

You've only met the wife once, so it's not really unfair or a slight. Do you actually mind not being invited or is it just because you haven't and DH has that you feel its rude. I can't imagine it was at the top of your list of things to do this year.

Original poster
MiniOneFree · 03/02/2026 15:26

We don't hang out as a couple but my husband is in contact with John weekly and they're very close. I haven't seen Amy since our wedding.

There is no indication of the size of the reception just that it's at a hotel.

I actually think it is rude but accept they don't want me there. My husband has decided he doesn't want to go which makes me feel a bit sad. I am not the sort of person who would make him feel bad for going, that's wrong. I like doing my own thing and more than happy for him too.

OP posts:
TheNightingalesStarling · 03/02/2026 15:27

Allseeingallknowing · 03/02/2026 15:25

In that case don’t invite the husband without the wife. It was rude, and bad manners to just invite the husband.

Show quote history

Then the PP could complain about no invitation instead.

FrostyPalms · 03/02/2026 15:28

I find it incredibly rude not to include a spouse or a long term partner to a wedding, and I've never heard of it happening in real life. If numbers are limited you invite fewer couples, not just half of a couple.

nixon1976 · 03/02/2026 15:29

500daysofspring · 03/02/2026 15:05

I’d never do this and think it’s extremely rude but I think a lot of couples now are re-writing the wedding rule book and don’t care about traditional etiquette.

Your husband shouldn’t go but being honest about why is another question, as they’re allowed to invite (or not) who they want. Perhaps he could just decline without offering any further explanation.

This. I don't think kids or random boyfriends need to be invited, and I think when it comes to work colleagues I wouldn't always invite their partners (it's much more fun without them) but they literally came to your wedding! As a couple!

So rude not to ask you.

Vaxtable · 03/02/2026 15:31

In my opinion your husbands friend obviously does not see him as a close friend otherwise he would be annoyed to the wedding

personally I would just decline with no reason. Just a thanks for the invite sorry I won’t be able to make it hope the days goes well.

Diamondsareagirlsbestfrien · 03/02/2026 15:31

MiniOneFree · 03/02/2026 15:26

We don't hang out as a couple but my husband is in contact with John weekly and they're very close. I haven't seen Amy since our wedding.

There is no indication of the size of the reception just that it's at a hotel.

I actually think it is rude but accept they don't want me there. My husband has decided he doesn't want to go which makes me feel a bit sad. I am not the sort of person who would make him feel bad for going, that's wrong. I like doing my own thing and more than happy for him too.

I would let this go over my head to be honest

Yes I would personally of invited you but you haven’t seen John or Amy since the wedding, you probably don’t care about their lives or what they are up to or how Amy’s wedding planning is going and you’ve seen her 4 years ago at your wedding

I wouldn’t be upset about not being invited to the wedding. I’d try and get my DH to go but if he doesn’t want to go alone then just decline it x

Swipe left for the next trending thread