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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Invite to Husband Only

626 replies

MiniOneFree · 03/02/2026 14:53

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

OP posts:
wheresthesnowgone · 03/02/2026 16:07

It sounds like a "room meat" situation. There'll be a big family presence at the ceremony but the oldies and guests with kids are expected to leave after dinner so bride and groom need some young blood to keep the party going till late.

EstoyRobandoSuCasa · 03/02/2026 16:08

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I wouldn't bother giving the real reason. What good would it do? Whilst it would have been nice for them to invite you as well, they didn't have to.

sittingonabeach · 03/02/2026 16:08

@MiniOneFree do you live far away as seems odd that DH has such regular contact but you haven’t met up since your wedding?

6pm seems quite early for evening start, is there food provided?

Boutonnière · 03/02/2026 16:08

I was invited to the evening do of a friend’s daughter’s wedding. Slightly surprised but charmed - I certainly would not have expected to be invited to the wedding itself or the main reception. I was with a handful of other school gate acquaintances and a couple of work colleagues and none of us had our partners with us, we had great fun. Don’t think my DH had even ever met this friend and he was highly relieved not to be going. I would not think it odd if my DH was invited somewhere in similar circumstances. I’m old and married for ever but not joined at the hip.

Changingtimes81 · 03/02/2026 16:09

My DH wouldn't accept an invitation to a wedding I wasn't invited to. It's lacking in etiquette & bad manners.

Allseeingallknowing · 03/02/2026 16:09

gannett · 03/02/2026 16:00

I don't really understand why you're at all offended or upset OP.

Yes in 90% of cases spouses get a plus one. But not in every case. Numbers have to be capped, costs are not infinite and sometimes you just don't know one of your friend's partners very well or at all, and the friendship is with the friend alone.

If I thought I was good friends with someone and didn't get the plus one I'd be hurt. But in the OP's situation, where I barely know the couple and have only met the bride once, I'm struggling to see why I'd want to go that much?

Like, granted this may not be the norm, but it's not unusual either. But the offence is disproportionate to your actual relationship with the couple.

If you can’t afford to invite them both, do invite one of them! It’s hurtful.

DarkForces · 03/02/2026 16:10

MiniOneFree · 03/02/2026 16:00

There is no mention of groups and I think this is a misunderstanding. It's a single invite.

Show quote history

They don't say you're in a group or send a group invite. They just make sure that you'll know some other people there. I had a university friends group at mine but invited them as individuals

Allseeingallknowing · 03/02/2026 16:10

Changingtimes81 · 03/02/2026 16:09

My DH wouldn't accept an invitation to a wedding I wasn't invited to. It's lacking in etiquette & bad manners.

THIS!

VacayDreamer · 03/02/2026 16:10

God I feel awful! I invited some female work colleagues without partners - I knew they had partners but we had never met, I just wanted my girl friends to have a great night out dancing and drinking and I would foot the bill! I didn’t think they might feel their dp was left out

gannett · 03/02/2026 16:10

Allseeingallknowing · 03/02/2026 16:09

If you can’t afford to invite them both, do invite one of them! It’s hurtful.

Show quote history

What on earth is hurtful about not being invited to the wedding of someone you've met once?

MrsHemswoth · 03/02/2026 16:12

It feels pretty out of order to me! Especially as your DH is good friend!! The only thing o can think of is that the venue is small or guest numbers are tight?

MyNeedyLilacBird · 03/02/2026 16:12

I don't like this evening only invites and would never attend one and never used them for ky own wedding either. I would also not attend a wedding my husband was not invited to and vice versa. It's just the height of rudeness. An evening only without your spouse is even ruder in my mind. I would probably tell them why I'm not coming tbh.

In all honesty I dread wedding invites and try and get out of going in any which way I can. Let's be honest weddings are crap days, unless your the happy couple

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 03/02/2026 16:12

ittakes2 · 03/02/2026 15:24

you yourself said you have met the bride once … I would analyse why you were so excited to get the invite as you are clearly not close as a couple?
you also give the impression you are not close to the groom either - just your hubby.
if there is hurt I would have said it’s more from your hubby’s point of view that his old friend did not consider him highly enough to get an invite to the reception.
He should go if he wants … or not if he does not want to … but the idea of texting about you not being invited is cringy. He’s only offered to do that because you are upset. It’s their wedding there will be dramas let your hurt feelings not add to it.

I agree - so many people getting hung up on who was/wasn't invited when the OP is riddled with contradictory statements!

My husband should go, but I'll be annoyed, he should text, but only what I think he should.

Back the hell off OP, and let your husband handle this how he wants to. And if you're unhappy with him and how he handles it, don't go agonising about things the bride said several years ago.

gannett · 03/02/2026 16:13

VacayDreamer · 03/02/2026 16:10

God I feel awful! I invited some female work colleagues without partners - I knew they had partners but we had never met, I just wanted my girl friends to have a great night out dancing and drinking and I would foot the bill! I didn’t think they might feel their dp was left out

This is completely normal and you shouldn't worry!

DP has friends and colleagues I've barely met - whether I would get an invite to their hypothetical wedding or not would depend on what kind of wedding and budget they have. It wouldn't be about me. Taking offence would be ridiculous.

JustGiveMeReason · 03/02/2026 16:14

MiniOneFree · 03/02/2026 16:00

There is no mention of groups and I think this is a misunderstanding. It's a single invite.

Show quote history

Yes, an invitation to an old friend the groom has known since school. So he (your dh) will know the groom and his family and the other friends from back when they were at school.
Obviously, every invitation is addressed to the one person they post (or hand) it to, but they will also have invited other people to their wedding party......

Goldfsh · 03/02/2026 16:14

"Punching above his weight eh?" is a light-hearted comment intended as a compliment to a beautiful bride. I suspect if this offended you then you are never going to be good friends with this couple! YABVU.

FuzzyWolf · 03/02/2026 16:15

If I’m reading this correctly, you’ve met the bride once and didn’t get a good impression which she quite possibly picked up on. For that alone, I can see why you haven’t been invited.

Given your DH has only been invited to the evening reception, I wonder if they just invited family to the main event (which suggests finances might have contributed to the decision) and then just invited their close friendship groups, but without any +1s (which could fall in line with finances being limited).

Alternatively, maybe your DH feels the friendship is stronger and closer than the groom thinks? As said early on, some people go batshit about weddings. At least you are spared having to attend!

Imbusytodaysorry · 03/02/2026 16:16

@MiniOneFree seems like the bride to be is a jealous one. !
Is she just not going to invite any female that she thinks is remotely good looking !

Sounds like John is on for a miserable marriage.
Leave them too it!
Your dh should tell John the truth. There is a high chance didn’t have anything to do with the invites and has no idea .

Furlane · 03/02/2026 16:19

It’s not an invite to the wedding, it’s just the party after. If it’s local, I would pop along, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t bother. I really wouldn’t care (and neither would my husband) if he wasn’t invited for some drinks to a couple he’s met once. Why does he have to give an excuse? Just reply that he can’t make it. I think it’s ruder to point out you think they are being rude!

Not sure why people are blaming the soon-to-be wife though? Ok, she tried to give a backhanded compliment that didn’t go down well, but it’s hardly a reason to call her a bridezilla.

JustGiveMeReason · 03/02/2026 16:19

VacayDreamer · 03/02/2026 16:10

God I feel awful! I invited some female work colleagues without partners - I knew they had partners but we had never met, I just wanted my girl friends to have a great night out dancing and drinking and I would foot the bill! I didn’t think they might feel their dp was left out

They won't have been offended.

What you did is perfectly normal, and expected.

JustGiveMeReason · 03/02/2026 16:23

Rainbowdottie · 03/02/2026 16:02

Tbh the more I think about it, the more I don’t like it. Sure “it’s only the evening “ but tbh I think that makes it worse. Unless the reception is in a something the size of a shoe, what’s the harm in you going? What is it actually going to “cost them “ to invite you in the evening ? Unless it’s a free bar and you’re a staggering drunk, not very much? Food if provided, is there, if you’re there or not.

even if the new wife does have an issue, can’t she just smile at you for the sake of her new husband and his apparent oldest friend. I dunno I’ve already replied but the more I think, the more off it feels. You didn’t even know her and she went to your wedding

All venues have limits on numbers.

There are limits for fire regulations. Even if you have all the money in the world, to keep on inviting people, you still can't, due to reaching the room capacity.

Lavenderflower · 03/02/2026 16:23

I think it’s a bit odd. I could understand if he was your husband’s colleague but he is your husband friend. I would not invite a colleague partner to a wedding as they would be attending with other colleagues.

Changingtimes81 · 03/02/2026 16:24

MiniOneFree · 03/02/2026 15:26

We don't hang out as a couple but my husband is in contact with John weekly and they're very close. I haven't seen Amy since our wedding.

There is no indication of the size of the reception just that it's at a hotel.

I actually think it is rude but accept they don't want me there. My husband has decided he doesn't want to go which makes me feel a bit sad. I am not the sort of person who would make him feel bad for going, that's wrong. I like doing my own thing and more than happy for him too.

I'd try to get my DH not to go.😂There again he wouldn't even consider a wedding invitation from a relative or friend if I wasn't included & rightly so. I would do the same.

Oops, This reply was meant to quote the poster who stated
'I'd try to get my DH to go' 😂

SusanChurchouse · 03/02/2026 16:26

Will he know other people going? Are they also going alone? I gave all my guests the option of a plus 1 or named their partner. I wanted people to enjoy themselves, and figured they would be happier if they at least had the option to bring someone along for company. Not all were romantic partners, DH’s best friend brought her friend (who had met DH years earlier so it was nice). I factored the numbers into my venue choice.

Rainbowdottie · 03/02/2026 16:26

JustGiveMeReason · 03/02/2026 16:23

All venues have limits on numbers.

There are limits for fire regulations. Even if you have all the money in the world, to keep on inviting people, you still can't, due to reaching the room capacity.

Show quote history

Hence why I said unless the venue is a size of a shoe.