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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my daughter shouldn't violence from a child in her nanny job?

103 replies

SoniaSwanners · 03/02/2026 13:25

(Title is missing a word - should be 'Am I being unreasonable to think my daughter shouldn't accept violence...etc')

My daughter has been working as a nanny for about a month, for three children - 9, 7 and 4. The 9-year-old is fine, but the 7-year-old and 4-year-old regularly scream at her 'You're stupid!' etc, and the 4-year-old kicks her, throws things at her and regularly tries to physically hurt her. Once he threw a chair at her. This morning he grabbed her wrist and squeezed it as hard as he could, to try and hurt her. Previously he's said several times, 'I'm going to hurt you with this toy' etc. This isn't just an occasional thing, it's every time she works. The daughter also screams at the mother regularly, calling her stupid and refusing to cooperate. No punishments/consequences are ever given, as far as my daughter knows - the kids still get their daily 'screen time'.

I've told my daughter she ought to resign immediately. I think, on principle, that if you're a nanny and the children in your care are physically violent to you, then that's it, game over. You leave. You don't put up with it. But I've had no experience of nannying. Is this kind of behaviour something parents can reasonably expect a nanny to put up with/fix/work on, while remaining in the job. They pay my daughter minimum wage, by the way.

Am I being unreasonable to think she should leave right now?

OP posts:
3WildOnes · 04/02/2026 15:10

marcyhermit · 03/02/2026 17:01

£20 net (around £27+ an hour) is top end for an experienced nanny, it isn't 'the going rate'.
The average London gross wage is about £21 an hour according to NannyTax, so there will be a lot of nannies on less.
Some nannies do earn very well, but you have to start somewhere! No one's walking straight into £50k. I think I was on about £250 a week in my first nanny job.

£21ph (gross- I always worked with gross figures as ai was an employee) for a nanny working 8am - 6pm, which was my normal wotking day as a nanny, 5 days a week equates to about 54k per year though.

marcyhermit · 04/02/2026 16:41

3WildOnes · 04/02/2026 15:10

£21ph (gross- I always worked with gross figures as ai was an employee) for a nanny working 8am - 6pm, which was my normal wotking day as a nanny, 5 days a week equates to about 54k per year though.

Yes, but £54k isn't an entry level job.

Expresswash · 04/02/2026 17:38

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