New boyfriend snapped at me

[Snappyg666]

Could do with your opinion. FWIW I am happy to be told AIBU. Im just trying to make sure I dont ignore anything important.

I was driving down the motorway with my boyfriend of 3 months. He was driving and I was supposed to be giving directions. We were talking and then he asked whether he should be taking the exit and I kind of hesitated for a few seconds as wasn't sure abd then said yes. He tutted and said for fucks sake and then quickly switched lames to exit

Now totally get why that would be irritating 😅 Its just that I was with my ex for 10 years and for all his faults, I dont think we ever snapped at each other once. We had massive bust ups about the big questions but irritating things like this we were both very generous with each other so im not sure what's normal. But I felt like a child being reprimanded and felt like saying "jesus get over it"

Look at the vote

Yep I received your opinion loud and clear!

it’s a non issue and normal behaviour from him

If that is his and yours idea of normal behaviour, he needs to be dumped asap.

Why was he relying on you for directions in the first place? What does he do when he is driving on his own?

Omg how do you cope in the world

dumped For “tutting” after major frustrations

Yeah rather more than you telling ‘you’re the only one who thinks so’. Why lie?

With a sat nav.

DH would have divorced me many years ago if he were this sensitive to being snapped at, because I can be snippy when annoyed. Likewise, I could have left him within the first few years if I couldn't look past his own irritating behaviours and minor shortcomings. We're all only human. I wouldn't contemplate breaking up with someone I really liked over something like this, personally.

The driver should be in charge of the satnavs/directions …we’ve had too many failings out with your way of doing it.

It’s 2/3 before drip feed have a look

As a navigator you really have to be concentrating and aware of where you are almost as much as the driver, especially if using the paper road atlas method (most of us use satnav now). You need to try hard to give directions accurately and in good time.

It doesn't sound like you were always concentrating as much as you needed to be and perhaps got too sidetracked by chatting instead of reading your map and planning ahead how the route would go. So you left the decision making there to the last minute or too late. That causes problems and errors. It would be very irritating to be honest.

Lets not pretend we are all perfect though. Even the best navigator can make a mistake now and then, and have to help put it right. In twenty years of navigating by road atlas (and about 10 by reading satnav now) I made my share, though still usually had us going in the right direction. Not far out of our way.

That said, I'm a generally pretty good navigator and have a decent sense of direction. Unlike my DH, who has a poor sense of direction but won't admit to that. He used to be so convinced of being correct that he tended not to believe his navigator (usually me) and just wouldn't listen to directions. So that was what used to cause tension between us.

He uses satnav now and doesn't seem to actually argue with that, although will still tut loudly and seem a bit incredulous sometimes.

But you told me it was just me?

It’s a turn of phrase

Maybe he’ll dump you for being inattentive, before you dump him for being snippy.

Hmmm I wouldn't be happy with this tbh
My DH has never sworn at me in 25 years,let alone after 3 months, we accept each other's mistakes

If he's that short tempered about a road sign why was he asking if he knew it was the correct one, does he not have eyes
Imagine how he will be with the pressure of a wedding, children, job insecurity etc

Yes he apologised but it could be the start of tests to see what you put up with

Keep your eyes open for now

More like trying to gang up on someone with a ‘we vs you’ pile on.

Your being silly now

why not suggest that for the next journey, he sets up sat nav. Everyone has a mobile phone these days ?

Yes, this. He didn’t swear at you, shout at you, call you a name, or tell you off in any way whatsoever. He was mildly irritated at a stressful driving situation. Hardly the end of the world. He didn’t ‘snap at you’. He was swerving from one lane to the other and it was stressful.

Possibly because he knew she was a bit upset.
He sounds OK to me, but then I am not in the OP's shoes, maybe there have been other signs and this is just one more to add.
As a stand-alone incident, it sounds very petty to me.

The fact he said he was a "bit harsh" means he was swearing at you personally for making a mistake, which yeah, would really put me off a person. But I was in an abusive relationship in the past, and I'm a pretty gentle, easygoing person, so I'm very sensitive to being made to feel stupid or inferior.

I think it's about compatibility really. It doesn't matter what other people think, because ultimately, you are the one in the relationship, so you are the one who needs to feel happy and safe with this person, you know?

In my opinion, you're not being too sensitive. There are people who would have laughed off a missed turning. There are guys who who have just said "lol you donut" and carried on driving. He's not one of those guys, apparently. Doesn't mean he's abusive or bad as a person - you'd really have to know him longer and see more of his behaviour to see whether you think you're compatible long term, I think?

He did apologise afterwards, but I don't know. Sometimes apologies can be a good sign, and sometimes people just apologise without ever really meaning it or changing their behaviour. So if you like him, just make sure he knows that you don't like being sworn at when you make a genuine mistake; and if you're not sure on him, well, don't force it :)

As the driver of your car, you should NOT be using your phone, it's against the law.

🙄

I'm guessing you aren't a driver! All navigation is done on the phone these days - the phone is on a holder. Perfectly legal.

Nonsense, hands free is perfectly legal. Isn't this what most people use?