Opinions on sleepovers , can we just stop it .

[Flowerpowersss]

Growing up in the 90s and early 2000s i had amazing fun at sleepovers as a child but looking back on them the stuff me and my friends got up too as young teens ( internet on computers, webcams) and the storys ive had from friends at other sleepovers i decided that my children wont go to another persons home at stay over especially now with smart phones and social media .

From the ages of 6-12 my children have been invited to multiple sleep over bday parties and ive said no to every one because i dont know the parents , i allowed my child to attend a sleep over party but i collected her just as they were going to bed .

Id like to add that ive allowed my child to have 2 friends stay at mine as i know im a safe person .

My child is now in secondary school and shes been invited to a sleepover party and i said she can go but cant sleep there so i will collect her before bedtime , the parents insisted it is a sleepover so my child has now been univited and her friend is asking someone else .
I did say when shes older i might reconsider sleepovers but because i dont know these people i cant allow her to spend the night .

Can we just stop birthday sleepovers !

Do what you want with your own kids. But no, the rest of us aren't going to all stop hosting 'sleepovers' just to make your life easier.

Yep, this sums it up.

"Can we just stop birthday sleepovers !"

No - just because you re paranoid doesn't mean you have to spoil it for every other child.

i wouldn’t send my 6 year old on a sleepover . No chance. Nor would I host one. Maybe by 11-12 I would consider it.

My 18 year old used to ring me up from his friend's house after school and say he was staying for a sleepover when he was 14-16 (only on Fridays). It's good for teaching independence.

There seems to a special group of mums on mumsnet who think the first night a child should spend away from them is when they go to university,....

Well the child the OP is talking about is at least 13

So how do the friends parents know your a safe person. How would it make you feel if they said you weren’t? My kids all had sleep overs but I knew the parents well. Everyone must make their own decisions.

You should know better.

As OP said, she hosts sleepovers because she knows she is a safe person. OP does not allow her child to go to friend’s sleepovers because she does not know the friend’s parents, let alone know whether they are safe people. It’s not difficult to understand.

That's a nasty thing to say.
The pp doesn't want fear to rule her life. And abuse doesn't only happen on sleepovers

YADNBU! Totally agree with you.

To call the OP ridiculous for being worried about her kids being sexually abused at a sleepover when she is living proof it happens is nasty. That poster absolutely does know better.

Saying no to sleepovers is not letting fear rule your life. That’s akin to saying making your kids wear seat belts is letting fear of accidents rule your life.

Absolutely hated sleepovers at any age and would have loved everyone stopping them but unfortunately unavoidable.

Let your kids go or dont.

But don't have kids to stay over at yours and complain about sending yours. You might know youre "safe" but the other kids are gambling on that same as you if the offers reciprocated. Dont think you can complicate the plans.

Your DC is invited to a sleepover either say yes or no. No judgement either way, but YABU to expect other people to share your view and accommodate whats easiest for you.

Id like to add that ive allowed my child to have 2 friends stay at mine as i know im a safe person .

im sure other parents feel they are the safe ones and may think you aren’t …….

if good friends with your dd then arrange to meet the parents. Collect her after a tea play date

How did you not know the parents of your child’s friends when they were at primary school? I knew all of my sons friends parents - it was a small village primary but then I also knew parents from various sports clubs who had kids that my boys were friends with too. I’m still friends with some of the mums now, even though the children have gone to different secondary schools and hardly see each other now!

Of course it’s up to you to prevent your child going to sleepovers but why should everyone else stop having birthday sleepovers just to stop your kid feeling left out? My boys and their friends absolutely love sleepovers at our house - we have a big house and lots of private land so they either pitch a tent in our woods or bring loads of mattresses down from the bedrooms and sleep in the sitting room. It’s great fun and balances independence with support (I’m always there if anyone needs me).

Yeh but she said from 6-12 they have been invited . I find play dates bad enough at this age. I can’t understand for the life of me why someone would want to host a sleepover for kids as young as 6

Pls don’t ask strangers these questions. Average person is stupid. Do what feels right.

Well hopefully you don’t think they shouldn’t be allowed just because you wouldn’t do it

My kids each had a sleepover or two around 7 with their best friends - we knew the families and they’d been friends for years (and live within blocks of us) so it was fine. We wait until 10 to host multi kid sleepover parties though - but I think they went to one or two for 9th birthdays each.

all fine to do whatever works for you but I don’t understand OP’s ask that everyone else does what she chooses. Surely she can just say no if she doesn’t want her kids to go.

no I guess if someone else wants to do it it’s not my problem. I’d have no problem saying no to my child at this age if they wanted to go to one.

Can we just stop it? When you've hosted them yourself? Ok 😂

This thread is hilarious. Just to add to the chorus of other PP who weren't allowed sleepovers and it was never a particularly big issue. Yeah I was a bit disappointed and grumpy sometimes but to be honest not that many of my friends had them much anyway so it was rare that it arose. My parents always let me go and would collect me around 10pm-midnight depending on my age/our plans the following day etc. it was absolutely fine and not a huge issue for me. My friends could t have cared less. Actually a few of my friends were also not allowed sleepovers anyway, I wasn't the only one. I went on school residentials without issue from yr 6 onwards. I moved away for uni without issue at 19. Actually they did "allow" sleepovers once I was in sixth form but that was mainly because well I was 16, education wasn't compulsory for me anyway and there was a good chance I was going to move away after so that was them treating me more like a young adult, was also fine. I didn't "go off the rails" at any point and never had any problems. My children also won't be allowed sleepovers, I agree with my DPs stance.

I feel it comes across as hypocritical that you had 2 of your childs friends for a sleepover at yours but wont allow your child to sleep at theirs. I'm sure the other parents feel they are as safe as the way you feel you are a safe parent. You are also not giving your child much credit to make a decision that if they felt unsafe or uncomfortable at a sleepover, they could contact you to come and collect them if necessary. I have a 16 year age gap between my youngest & oldest child, they both had sleepovers at friends from around the age of 8/9. Some of the parents I knew better than others.
Just feel that nowadays parents are putting the fear factor into situations before there is any reason to do so.

I am afraid you are making your child ‘the wierdo’.