Opinions on sleepovers , can we just stop it .

[Flowerpowersss]

Growing up in the 90s and early 2000s i had amazing fun at sleepovers as a child but looking back on them the stuff me and my friends got up too as young teens ( internet on computers, webcams) and the storys ive had from friends at other sleepovers i decided that my children wont go to another persons home at stay over especially now with smart phones and social media .

From the ages of 6-12 my children have been invited to multiple sleep over bday parties and ive said no to every one because i dont know the parents , i allowed my child to attend a sleep over party but i collected her just as they were going to bed .

Id like to add that ive allowed my child to have 2 friends stay at mine as i know im a safe person .

My child is now in secondary school and shes been invited to a sleepover party and i said she can go but cant sleep there so i will collect her before bedtime , the parents insisted it is a sleepover so my child has now been univited and her friend is asking someone else .
I did say when shes older i might reconsider sleepovers but because i dont know these people i cant allow her to spend the night .

Can we just stop birthday sleepovers !

This is ridiculous. And I’m saying this as someone who was sexually abused by a friends brother!
let them live their lives and learn for themselves. They will end up anxious and left out

I appreciate you are worried about your children but to take them home just at bedtime or stopping them going is very unfair. you say you do not know the parents well get to know them! invite them for a coffee discuss your worries. to keep doing this means your kids will just get left out of everything as people will not bother asking as you will say no

its up to you what your stance is on sleepovers.

but it’s hella hypocritical to host them if you don’t think they’re a good idea. How much of a superiority complex do you have?

So because you did stupid things as a teenager, you’ve decided not to trust your own child?

Your paranoia doesn’t get to dictate to other parents about what is right and wrong for their child.

I trust my child and they’ve had the odd sleepover with friends since being 4yrs old.

You are being ridiculous, because you don't trust your child or other people, you think everyone should adhere to your way of thinking.

Your child is in high school and you should be able to let go of the reins a bit.

You’re being ridiculous and very hypocritical!

You are going to be setting your child up for a lot of friendship issues.

Have you taught her about internet safety? Do you trust her? Does she have a phone that she can use to call you in an emergency or if she feels uncomfortable?

Peer pressure and social media are ever present. If kids want to be looking at stuff and posting stuff on social media it'll happen whether they are under someone else's roof or your own.

Yep, totally agree under 10 for various reasons but high school?!? Just teach your child what to be aware of and how to speak up for themselves. As a PP has said your poor child will be left out and resent you for it...

We do heavily limit ours though as they invariably eat crap, go on devices too much (ours are normally restricted but I loosen up for sleepovers) and stay up all night so are a bag of shite the next day 😆

Your chlid might be at university in a few short years. They will be dangerously unprepared for the real world if you keep sheltering them like this.

You say you're a safe person, but don't trust other parents. Why should other parents trust you?

You can do whatever you like in your own family - but expecting others to do the same because those are the boundaries you prefer is unreasonable. Everything in life includes an element of risk, and all the decisions you make are ultimately a consideration about whether the risk is worth the benefit. Yes, teens might do things they shouldn’t when they can get away with it - but they also build friendships, relationships and life skills from navigating these things.

i allowed sleepovers for mine, but not with any friends where I had concerns about the family dynamic. I was always happy to have them at my house where I had a bit more control over what went on - but teens have been doing stupid shit since the dawn of time and I don’t think you can just stop it by removing sleepovers. They will find a way to do what they really want to do and I’d rather keep open communication and remove the need for too much sneaking about and lying.

They can do all the potentially dodgy stuff without sleeping over.

The biggest protection you can give is getting rid of a smartphone and only allowing supervised Internet access

Don't be silly. Sleepovers are a perfectly normal experience and you can't insist all dc miss out because you are making your dc miss out.

There's really no family you could have made the effort to get to know so your dc could join in one of their invites? I feel sad for them!

Yep

"I let them come to mine because I know I'm safe"

But the parents don't know that about you and would probably say "well I know I'm a safe person" back if you said something

Loosen the reins

From the ages of 6-12 my children have been invited to multiple sleep over bday parties and ive said no to every one because i dont know the parents

Didn't you know any of your kids friends parents? We know all the parents of the kids in our DC classes. There are a handful I know less well but most I know reasonably well, some I'm good friends with.

You have to have some people you trust or you are going to wind up passing your anxiousness to your DC

Get to know the parents rather than deny your child a normal social life. Teach them how to take care of themselves, you can’t isolate them from the world forever.

These dc will end up with no friends and be labelled as having nutty parents! How will they navigate life by themselves? This is far too controlling. Poor dc.

If you don't like sleepovers, your child misses out. No reason for other children to miss out when their parents are all happy with it.

I'd probably say no to a planned pickup just before bedtime as well, its disruptive.

OP you sound an absolute over the top control freak. You need to take a step back. Once they get to secondary school it is unlikely you will know any of your DC’s friends parents unless you live in a backwater?!?

If you have done your job as a parent so far they will have chosen decent friends with decent parents and your child would know enough to make appropriate decisions and say no or call you if needed.

You are likely to make them a mockery among school friends by this strange babying attitude if they aren’t already. If at secondary school they could be going to Uni in a few short years and what are you going to do then vet the halls house mates before they move in?!?

I won't allow sleepover ever. The risks aren't worth the benifits. It doesn't matter if you know tthe parents or not. You don't know who they will allow in their house. You don't know what theh will expose your kid to. I know too many people who have been victims of SA at the hands of a relative or trusted adult to alow this to happen.

You were abused at a sleepover but you don’t see any issues with them?… ok

“ive allowed my child to have 2 friends stay at mine as i know im a safe person”

And how are the other parents supposed to know this? Undoubtedly they are all of the opinion that they, too, are safe people. At what point are you going to let your DD sleep over? Do you allow her to go on residential holidays with school? If so, why should she be any safer there than with a number of other DC at someone’s home? You can’t wrap your DD in cotton wool, and at secondary school age, she’s well old enough to be allowed out for a sleepover. Or are you going to be the sort of parent who ties your DC down so tightly that when at last she gets away, she does very ill-advised things as a reaction to the straitjacket in which she’s been brought up?

Your choice but it may have ramifications for your child’s friendship and confidence wise.
It’s sad you didn’t feel you got to know any parents well enough at primary school. Even at secondary you meet parents at concerts etc and can get to know them a little.
If she’s never slept away then she might be reluctant to go on school trips, D of E etc.
Shes only 6 years off living away at uni.
Your anxiety may well pass on to her.

You want others to stop hosting sleepovers so that you don’t have the difficulty of saying no to your kids

But you’re happy to host sleepovers yourself and cause the same dilemma for other parents

Righto