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Original poster

Opinions on sleepovers , can we just stop it .

329 replies

Flowerpowersss · 01/02/2026 09:36

Growing up in the 90s and early 2000s i had amazing fun at sleepovers as a child but looking back on them the stuff me and my friends got up too as young teens ( internet on computers, webcams) and the storys ive had from friends at other sleepovers i decided that my children wont go to another persons home at stay over especially now with smart phones and social media .

From the ages of 6-12 my children have been invited to multiple sleep over bday parties and ive said no to every one because i dont know the parents , i allowed my child to attend a sleep over party but i collected her just as they were going to bed .

Id like to add that ive allowed my child to have 2 friends stay at mine as i know im a safe person .

My child is now in secondary school and shes been invited to a sleepover party and i said she can go but cant sleep there so i will collect her before bedtime , the parents insisted it is a sleepover so my child has now been univited and her friend is asking someone else .
I did say when shes older i might reconsider sleepovers but because i dont know these people i cant allow her to spend the night .

Can we just stop birthday sleepovers !

OP posts:
Imbusytodaysorry · 01/02/2026 10:49

@Flowerpowersss this was. Discussed on radio 2 a few months ago .
The profession said at the younger age it’s good for them and it’s a genuine want for innocent fun at their friends house all games and dens .
High school age it’s more sex related/boys when asking for sleep overs .

I’ve not done sleepovers in the younger age bracket as I don’t feel kids are able to protect themselves. I do think it will get harder to say no as they get older but for the reason listed it’s not a good idea .

Do you know the parents who offered this sleepover ?
I am the same as you I would allow the odd sleepover at my house and let the other parent decide for themselves .

RosieCottonDancing · 01/02/2026 10:51

OP, could you get to know your child’s friends’ parents? Invite them round for a casual dinner? I wonder if this would help alleviate your anxiety.

I don’t have DC this age, but I really think banning everything is the answer. They do need to learn to navigate the world outside your house in an age-appropriate way.

Didimum · 01/02/2026 10:52

You can’t parent by removing all threat. At some point you have to trust you have brought them up with enough sense (and trust in you if something goes wrong) to behave sensibly, independently and with as much foresight as a teenager can manage.

If instead you’ve parented by authoritarian restriction without balance or nuance, then you’ll probably be in for some rough years ahead.

PistachioTiramisu · 01/02/2026 10:54

Where did this silly word 'sleepover' come from? When I was a child, I used to 'stay the night' at a friend's house, not have a 'sleepover'.

FourSevenTwo · 01/02/2026 10:56

"i dont know these people"

Have you ever bothered to get to know some other parents enough to let your DC go?

LoHD · 01/02/2026 10:57

Couldn’t agree more OP
my parents never allowed sleep overs in case of abuse etc
i don’t allow my children and never will-
may people I know as adults have been abused in these circumstances or just not looked after well- I also work looking after people who have been abused as children.
There are abusers where u think there’s isn’t so very much agree!

usedtobeaylis · 01/02/2026 11:00

Nobody needs to stop sleepovers just because you find the consequences of your parenting decisions difficult. That's parenting in a nutshell. You have to be the bad guy sometimes.

BlackCat14 · 01/02/2026 11:01

No sorry, I won’t be stopping my child having sleepovers just because you don’t like them.

usedtobeaylis · 01/02/2026 11:02

sesquipedalian · 01/02/2026 09:57

“ive allowed my child to have 2 friends stay at mine as i know im a safe person”

And how are the other parents supposed to know this? Undoubtedly they are all of the opinion that they, too, are safe people. At what point are you going to let your DD sleep over? Do you allow her to go on residential holidays with school? If so, why should she be any safer there than with a number of other DC at someone’s home? You can’t wrap your DD in cotton wool, and at secondary school age, she’s well old enough to be allowed out for a sleepover. Or are you going to be the sort of parent who ties your DC down so tightly that when at last she gets away, she does very ill-advised things as a reaction to the straitjacket in which she’s been brought up?

They assess it and make their decision, same as the OP. Just because it's a different decision doesn't mean the OP needs to change hers. It is completely up to her and absolutely nothing about not allowing sleepovers is 'wrapping in cotton wool'. Its a perfectly normal, valid parenting decision.

LadyQuackBeth · 01/02/2026 11:02

I can't get my head round you not knowing, or making any effort to know, the parents of your DCs. Maybe the recent high school ones is understandable but the primary years?

If you not knowing the parents is the issue, then FFS make an effort to know them rather than making your DCs bear the brunt.

We're not even a family who have many sleepovers (sports in the mornings) and I think you are being ridiculous.

TheNightingalesStarling · 01/02/2026 11:03

PistachioTiramisu · 01/02/2026 10:54

Where did this silly word 'sleepover' come from? When I was a child, I used to 'stay the night' at a friend's house, not have a 'sleepover'.

Sleepover in the early 90s when I was young.

BlueOceanFish · 01/02/2026 11:04

The thing is I’m a safe person so I know my kids friends are safe when they are here so why should I stop?

usedtobeaylis · 01/02/2026 11:04

Didimum · 01/02/2026 10:52

You can’t parent by removing all threat. At some point you have to trust you have brought them up with enough sense (and trust in you if something goes wrong) to behave sensibly, independently and with as much foresight as a teenager can manage.

If instead you’ve parented by authoritarian restriction without balance or nuance, then you’ll probably be in for some rough years ahead.

She hasn't parented that way though. She hasn't not allowed her kid to go out, or spend time at friends houses, or stopped them coming to her house.

I don't know why people get so exercised about not allowing girls to sleep over in other people's houses. Its completely overblown.

EatYourDamnPie · 01/02/2026 11:04

Missgemini · 01/02/2026 10:48

I’m sorry to hear about your experiences.

We are specifically talking about sleepovers here. Something within your control as a parent.
Some poor kids have been abused by family members. Unfortunately difficult to avoid those as much. Parent your kids as you see fit. My children will go on school trips etc. I know there’s a risk there too.
But I draw the line at sleepovers where the environment is not necessarily as carefully managed as a school trip, for example.

Edited
Show quote history

I was abused on a school trip. That’s why i said many situations. A lot of them were in a parent’s control. All of them should’ve been places where I should’ve been safe. All of them were places were other people/adults/professionals were around . The first time DD went on a residential I was a nervous wreck. I had to balance my worry and anxieties born from experience, and allowing her to be a child/have some independence and freedom.

That being said, I did go and picked her up from a sleepover last night because I wasn’t comfortable with the set up, so it’s not a free for all. I judge on a case by case basis.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 01/02/2026 11:07

Surely the answer is to get to know the other parents of her close friends. Not best buddies but know more about their family dynamic.

illsendansostotheworld · 01/02/2026 11:08

amber763 · 01/02/2026 10:09

Honestly id have hated it and really resented my mum if she was like this. Your daughter will end up isolated with no friends.

Me too

RandomUsernameHere · 01/02/2026 11:08

Do you really not know any of your children’s friends’ parents? You can get to know them without becoming close friends with them.

Jollyhockeystickss · 01/02/2026 11:13

Do what you want but pretty soon she will be bullied and not have any friends as mummy says shes not allowed and all her friends will be going and she will be excluded and they will all bitch about her, girls are vile these days...

TheJinxMinx · 01/02/2026 11:13

Sorry OP but we learn through doing just like you have with ur past mistakes. You can't assume everyone Will make the same mistakes and ur child and their friends will grow to resent you it does seem a bit unfair given their age, if u r picking them up just before bed why not just let them stay. If ur that concerned just say to the parents like no x, y or z preferably. We live in an evolving word were yes the internet has become a big part but it's not always a bad thing. Anything they could do they could do before u pick her up so whats the difference. I do think yabu sorry ur bias based on your own experience and wrong doings. You've learnt, let your child learn they may not even make the same.
mistakes but you have to let them try.

LadyFriend · 01/02/2026 11:14

My DC have never been to a sleepover and we’ve never hosted one either. They understand it’s not part of our culture, even though we’ve been born and brought up in the UK (our parents were immigrants).

They still have friends and don’t seem to be lonely or isolated.

TheNightingalesStarling · 01/02/2026 11:17

Jollyhockeystickss · 01/02/2026 11:13

Do what you want but pretty soon she will be bullied and not have any friends as mummy says shes not allowed and all her friends will be going and she will be excluded and they will all bitch about her, girls are vile these days...

Fortunately most aren't like that. Bullying isn't acceptable and they know it.

Bellaunion · 01/02/2026 11:18

Icouldwriteabookonmydisastrouslife · 01/02/2026 10:33

People are just crazy these days … no wonder we have a generation of kids who have no idea how to cope in the real world coz they haven’t been able to grow up . They already can’t play out in the street , they can’t go to the shop without being tracked or Mummy on the phone to them .
You sadly have to let your children grow up one day and you shelter them from the world forever . Let them be children . Let them have fun and behave like they should and you will find your child will grow up to be an happier , more stable individual.
Teach them that they can tell you anything and if you give them the tools to know what to do in situations , you can keep them safe whilst giving them a bit of independence.

Absolutely this, we have a generation of teenagers with mental health problems and high levels of anxiety and its very clear to see why this is. Rather than appropriately risk assessing situations and speaking to children about risks, there are just blanket bans put on things like sleepovers, playing outside etc. Children and young people are brought up with the message that no one is to be trusted and that the world outside their house without a parent present is a dangerous place, full of threat. And then suddenly they are 18, thrust out into the world and unable to cope. Its no wonder so many of them breakdown.

As someone said part of a parent is letting go and allowing your children to have experiences. Yes awful things can happen, but these can happen at any time and the risk is I can imagine vanishingly low of something happening at a sleepover.

853ax · 01/02/2026 11:21

When I was a young teen my parents said no sleepovers. I said ok that was that never remember it been an issue if someone said having a sleep over I'd say no I'm not allowed.
My daughter is now a teen. First sleep over invite she was 10 went along all good maybe two since then. She decided she doesn't like sleep overs as wants a good night sleep in her own bed. Sometimes she will go to house come home 9.30/10/11 depending on what on next day. If it after a disco or something will just come home skip the house.
She not bullied. Neither she nor her friends make a big deal of it, it is what it is she doesn't like sleepovers as she loves to sleep

Teacup40 · 01/02/2026 11:23

Some of these responses are absolutely batshit! Letting a 4 year old go to a sleepover is madness! Even if the op knew the parents it wouldn't lessen the chances of something happening, abusers don't make it known that's what they are. I don't allow my children to go to sleepovers and I don't have other peoples children sleepover either as I don't like them to be unsupervised with mobile phones and it would be a bit weird to ask them to leave them at home. There is nothing wrong with protecting your children op.

Alltheyellowbirds · 01/02/2026 11:24

PistachioTiramisu · 01/02/2026 10:54

Where did this silly word 'sleepover' come from? When I was a child, I used to 'stay the night' at a friend's house, not have a 'sleepover'.

I was thinking that too. I wonder if giving it this name has contributed to the anxiety lots of parents seem to have now? Turned it into this weird unknown American sounding thing? It used to be just staying at a mate’s and wasn’t a big deal. Even when it was a birthday party and ten of us sleeping over it was still just staying at a mate’s.