My promised lie-in today...but DH "feeling very unwell"

[Idontspeakgermansorry]

I'm going to sound mean and heartless writing this because I do think he's genuinely got a cold. But it's just so unfair! I get up with the toddler everyday, no matter how I'm feeling, because I have no choice and that's just what you do as a parent.

I just went through the first trimester and still dragged myself out of bed at 5am (the latest our toddler will sleep no matter what we do), despite the nausea, exhaustion, vomiting, and migraines. Everyday, except my one weekend lie-in anyway.

DH does work very hard and I am a SAHM so maybe that makes me even more unreasonable for being a bit annoyed, idk. He's also leaving next weekend for a 3 week work trip and this was my last chance to sleep in so that's probably compounding my feelings too.

I know IABU because he's sick and needs to rest before he goes to work tomorrow. This is maybe just more of a tired vent.

That’s BS. Op is pregnant and does every early morning with her toddler (posting at 4.45am is not generally a good sign no?).

I’d think a big tough soldier could manage one early morning with his kid to give his wife a break. Even if he does have a cold (sob sob the POOR thing!).

It sounds desperately hard.

Go to bed earlier every night. It is the only way you will get enough sleep. Plan on going to bed soon after your toddler.

Not read the whole thread but just in case it helps.

My two did the 5am wake up as toddlers. I remember it being too early even for cBeebies. One of us used to get up with them, then at about 8/9 we'd get the other one up and go back to bed for a couple of hours.

Not ideal but it worked pretty well until they grew out of it.

It's tough when both parents are genuinely tired and/or ill, but your DH does need to do his share. I can sometimes be too nice but I became quite clinical about this. Eg saying you need to get up tomorrow as I did today, or, I can get up but I'll need to go back to bed at 8.30.

Good luck

I disagree completely. If I'm feeling under the weather at work I can speak to an adult about it, I can tell my boss I'm not feeling great, I can take breaks, I can minimise my workload. When I was at home with a toddler it was a completely different situation. I will never understand how anyone who has experienced bone deep exhaustion can think the tiny children you have sole responsibility for are the least important thing in the whole scenario. I know women are deeply conditioned to minimise, but fuck that.

Also, being in the army does not equate to being on the front line of a war zone. The army has sick leave and family oriented policies just like any other employer.

I would usually stomp violently for my lie in but with upcoming work trip I would leave DH to rest - to be unwell during work trip would be awful. In the light of your DH’s job I would certainly leave him to rest, he wouldn’t have easy life on his trip.
Also I’ve noticed that when I’m unwell I often struggle to fall asleep it’s like my body can’t relax. I want to go to bed but still can’t fall asleep for some reason. If it’s a virus/ cold type of thing I take paracetamol and it helps.

The work trip is next weekend so that's a pretty silly thing to say, isn't it. Most viruses will be better after a week.

Thanks everyone again. He got up and put DD down for her nap and I've gone back to bed.

Exactly! It doesn’t, so just think how little effort this man is putting into raising his child! Not the gotcha you think it is when you think about it is it! He’s making NO effort.

Ok. Haha. :)

DH went on work trips for 30 years in Europe, staying in 3 or 4 star hotels, with an all you can eat buffet breakfast, maybe taken out by the client for a slap up lunch; and then dinner in an expensive restaurant in the city. As a partner, there was no limit on his expenses. He got a minimum of 9 hours uninterrupted sleep a night.

Meanwhile, I was looking after breastfed twin DDs and older DS at home on my own with no help. I never had an uninterrupted nights sleep for the first three years.

I know because after DC grew up, I used to go with him, as the accommodation was free for me. I’d go sightseeing on my own in the daytime and out for dinner with him and his colleagues in the evenings. I had fantastic food!

Anybody, who thinks getting a night’s uninterrupted sleep in a hotel is harder than looking after twins under five on their own, is deluded!

I remember being pregnant with a toddler. I used to strap him in his bouncy chair for a nap so I could rest, but he never seemed to need sn afternoon nap and would just climb out! Now he's 20 and i can't get him up at all! It's so exhausting. Could uou get someone round to look after toddler while you have a sleep? People are normally more than happy to help.

Aw neither of you were unreasonable then. I remember that bone tiredness OP, and I may have lost my mind if I had a precious lie in taken from me too 🤣 I napped when my toddler napped, in a cuddle. It actually became a cherished memory of mine, and when they started not needing it that was heartbreaking on several levels (including losing my precious nap!)

I think they're generally referring to the fact they usually won't have to get up at toddler am IE before 5am, so 7 am would be a lie in.

In this particular case it may not apply but absolutely on a standard work trip a person generally gets an unbroken night's sleep and breakfast without having to parent a toddler and an evening meal even if it is time with clients/colleague. But as in this case they're a soldier this may not apply if they're on active duty as it seems.

I second this. All of my children went through a phase of waking at 5. I lay with them, lights off, no interaction. It passed and they sleep till 7/8 now too

I would. That's what I did with mine. I refused to get up before 7am and they learned they could come into bed with me but they had to lie still and quiet.