My promised lie-in today...but DH "feeling very unwell"

[Idontspeakgermansorry]

I'm going to sound mean and heartless writing this because I do think he's genuinely got a cold. But it's just so unfair! I get up with the toddler everyday, no matter how I'm feeling, because I have no choice and that's just what you do as a parent.

I just went through the first trimester and still dragged myself out of bed at 5am (the latest our toddler will sleep no matter what we do), despite the nausea, exhaustion, vomiting, and migraines. Everyday, except my one weekend lie-in anyway.

DH does work very hard and I am a SAHM so maybe that makes me even more unreasonable for being a bit annoyed, idk. He's also leaving next weekend for a 3 week work trip and this was my last chance to sleep in so that's probably compounding my feelings too.

I know IABU because he's sick and needs to rest before he goes to work tomorrow. This is maybe just more of a tired vent.

Yes this! Once she reached 18MO my dd was welcome in our bed but I refused to get up til 6:30. She could have snuggles in bed and play on educational app on my phone or look at a book whilst I dozed until at least 06:30. I might read her said book if I was awake enough.

If he's in the army I assume he is on manoeuvres for 3 weeks, probably on something like Salisbury Plain doing war games? He's not on a business trip where he's sleeping in an hotel and getting meals in the restaurant. I'm sorry you aren't getting a lie in OP, but he's going to be spending the next 3 weeks on alert, doing physical training or being lectured on the training. Not doing well is going to impact him, his progress in the army. It can be tough being the spouse of a person who is in the military. I have every sympathy for you but it's the reality of your life now.
Try to rest when your little one does. Even if you aren't sleeping then you can rest.

I'd said YANBU, until you said he was military. YANBU to feel upset you can't sleep in when you're exhausted, but unfortunately the military is one of those jobs I'd say you do need the rest and try to recover for and he probably shouldn't have to push through if he's feeling really rough. They're handling weapons and all sorts. It's shit for you, and rotten timing though.

He presumably wouldn’t also be in the army or the previous poster said a company director without a wife.
Those of us who were single parents had jobs that worked around kids. If the childcare was ill ( or closed in an emergency) then it’s back on us.

I think the whole lie in thing is compounded by you both being home at the weekend.
Is it not easier when he’s away and you and toddler can just do your thing. Go to bed earlier, all go for a nap after a walk etc. It’s not easy but it’s manageable and theres no one to feel resentful of.

Thanks everyone for your replies! I can definitely see that I'm being unreasonable. He's genuinely a great husband and father, spends as much time with us as he can, does bedtimes and bath times when he's home, and does stuff around the house. I will take a nap this afternoon and just look forward to my next lie-in in about a month lol.

He needs to get his arse out of bed. I would be making a lot of noise.

I mean, I’m going to take the opposite view. He’s used to having to suck it up and carry on at work, so if this is your last chance for a lie in for a long time, then he should have got up. He could always have gone back to bed a bit later when you’re up and looking after your toddler!

I might be biased though. The cold that our 4-month-old and I have had all week has made its way to my DH, and suddenly he’s dying. Been lying in bed all night doing honest-to-god, motherfudging groaning. I’m now pumping, having been up all night with the little one who’s still a bit ill and has been kept awake by her dad’s theatrics…and he’s just emerged from the bedroom long enough for an ‘uggggggghhhhh…two slices of toast, please.’

I don’t think you’re being uncaring at all, OP. Fancy a ‘Strangers on a Train’ set up for these drama llamas? 😂

She's only just 15 months so I think she's a little too young to understand that just yet. She does sleep through the night too so I don't think sleep training is necessary right now.

It will be nice when she's old enough to get herself up and play for a bit though!

Definitely this!

Some of the responses I am legitimately shocked by.. (not the things you are saying, OP, you seem to recognise that it is indeed silly to get upset over someone getting sick and needing to get better). The ones that are all about "me me me". I don't know, if my wife is ill, no matter how tired I am and how shitty week/month/year I am having, I am getting up and do what needs doing... Even if it's a bit hectic. And it goes both ways. If I was sick, my wife would do the same.
Do people realise getting ill is not a choice and it is not being done to you or to spite you, mess up your lie-in specifically? Little empathy instead of entitlement goes a long way... "but, but it was promised". Yeah, and life sometimes gets in the way.

We only have 1 life.
You’ll never get this time with your child again.
Try to find the lovely things.

Agree

Nobody is 'being unreasonable' OP. You're in a rubbish situation. It happens and short term blips like this aren't going to affect your baby so just lower the expectations a bit for a day or 2 and you'll all be fine 💛

Put a gate on the toddlers room, get them an alarm clock eith bunny ears that pop up, set it for 7am and tell them they can't get up until then .
Make sure they have books and quiet toys.

Obviously not for today, but longer term you have to sort this. Getting up at 5am everyday is unsustainable.

Once dh is up and about, go back to bed for a couple of hours. Not the same as a lie in but it will help.

Have you any family who can support you when he's away?

Am I correct that you’re pregnant OP or have I read that wrong? It’s definitely true that your DH has a hard job, but there is no reason why you and your wellbeing needs to come bottom of the pile every time. You are on your own with no family, your DH is your only family who can help give you a tiny break. If your DH feels even remotely better today I would prioritise a nap for yourself to catch up on some sleep.

I was a single mum so no other help. My kids would get up at the crack of dawn too so i would go down to the sofa in my dressing gown, put CBeebies on, close front room door so they stayed put, and I’d doze while they watched tv. It’s hard and maybe seems harder when you have another adult there if they can’t (or won’t) help. His being in the army does change matters though, realistically it must be way harder than most jobs, including parenting. I know I could never do it, physically or mentally.

Your in the first trimester though (as am I) and it’s brutal. You have my full sympathy and you need the rest

Surely also depends on your toddler and how easy (or not) your pregnancy is too?

If his cold had materialised on his work trip OP, would his superior have said ‘oh dear you poor sausage, back to bed for you’? Or would have to have soldiered on (pun intended)?

By lie, ut means sleeping later than 5am! Lets not pretend that ' normal' business trips involve 5am wake ups every day!

Keep thinking?
I think you are confusing me with someone else ?

Been on plenty of work trips, nice hotel, meals provided, not up at 5am !

You arent being unreasonable all.
Your DH is a selfish pig!
On what planet does a man with a bloody cold insist his pregnant wife has to get up at 5am!!!
Jesus wept , some shitty husbands here

he can’t get up with a toddler as he has a cold?? How on earth does he manage being in the army.

Wow. That's quite aggressive. Would you rather we have hundreds of sleep deprived people defending our country? Sleep deprivation makes for clouded decision making. Not really what we need from our soldiers. I would understand your reaction if OPs dh was a shelf stacker.

Were you in the army @CountFucula?

Depends on the work trip.