My promised lie-in today...but DH "feeling very unwell"

[Idontspeakgermansorry]

I'm going to sound mean and heartless writing this because I do think he's genuinely got a cold. But it's just so unfair! I get up with the toddler everyday, no matter how I'm feeling, because I have no choice and that's just what you do as a parent.

I just went through the first trimester and still dragged myself out of bed at 5am (the latest our toddler will sleep no matter what we do), despite the nausea, exhaustion, vomiting, and migraines. Everyday, except my one weekend lie-in anyway.

DH does work very hard and I am a SAHM so maybe that makes me even more unreasonable for being a bit annoyed, idk. He's also leaving next weekend for a 3 week work trip and this was my last chance to sleep in so that's probably compounding my feelings too.

I know IABU because he's sick and needs to rest before he goes to work tomorrow. This is maybe just more of a tired vent.

The joy when they’re old enough to just watch tv and chill before breakfast without worry. Bliss!

This is true actually. I wanted him to still get his one lie in a week so I made sure that happened, even with really awful morning sickness.

Flu unreasonable, cold you are not, did he attempt a lemsip and getting the f on with it then concede defeat or just wake up off n go back to sleep ? Its selfish because when you catch it you will be home alone cracking on anyway

No, I’m sorry but I disagree with the ‘he’s a soldier with a cold he deserves the lie-in and sympathy’. Does he fuck! He’s got a cold, not a terminal cancer diagnosis. Not going to be a right good soldier is he is he if he can’t get up early and look after his child when he’s got the sniffles. Imagine him telling his superior ‘ooh I’m not up to fighting the Russians today boss, I’ve got a runny nose’. He’s having your pants down OP.

No. But let's not pretend that you can't grab some down time as a sahp, zone out with a coffee while they play/watch tv/nap. I've been a sahp to 3, and now the main earner, and have regular overseas trips. Both demanding in different ways. Maybe not up at 5am on work trips, but equally have to be "on" from the moment am in the office till the evening functions end. Often with chronic jet lag. And trying to manage usual work on top of a packed day of meetings to make sure delivering value from the trip- so on email til late, juggling time zones.

how many times have you been away soldering with a cold?

I have and it is shit. And if we want our army to work, we need them to be trained and fit.

It is a fact of OPs life that she has a soldier for a husband - there is a reason why the wives club where my dad was once based all had t-shirts bearing the legend "Army Wife - toughest job in the army"

I voted YANBU but given your update re his job I’ve actually changed my mind….sorry OP!

It is not wilful blindness, mind you. I think everybody acknowledges the difficulties that come with pregnancy. But you really don't see the difference between dragging yourself out of bed and getting on with BEING-STAY-AT-HOME and dragging yourself out of bed and getting on GOING TO WORK AT THE MILITARY AT THE CRACK OF DAWN (OP's words, btw). Please, don't misunderstand me, I am not saying staying at home is not an important and taxing job. But feeling like crap while staying at home has less weight than feeling like crap at work, a physically demanding work to make it even worse. Your kids cannot fire you if you have a not-so-great day, if lunch is not done on time, or the laundry is not done. Messing up work for whatever reason can bring in rather important results... losing a job.. which we can all agree will impact not just him, but their entire family unit. So maybe, just maybe, it is important he does get better by the time he needs to go back to work tomorrow.

Now i must add, if this was on on-going thing, constantly happening at OP's expense, yeah, that would be a piss-take. But come on...

Right, so you're rolling back on "they need to pick up when the other one is poorly, however difficult it is..."?

Imagine my surprise.

Exactly. And if staying in bed doing nothing was going to get him better quicker, then he should have turned YouTube off earlier.

@exhaustDAD just to be clear, his work this coming week is a normal work week. PT and then mostly paperwork. He's not leaving for his training exercise, until next weekend.

Oh give over. It’s also a fact of OP’s husbands life that he’s got a pregnant wife and a child and he might need to look after them for ONE morning a week. If he can’t do that then as I said, he’ll not be a very good soldier when he’s not training and he’s, you know, having to be a fucking soldier.

Not at all. It is just being pragmatic and weighing things...
Having said that - the latest update from OP is a crucial detail that was nor known until know, with that in mind, he should have definitely gotten up and make more effort.

I've been a SAHM and a full time working mum/wife and I'm sorry, but it is much easier to grab some down time when you're a SAHM. Anyone who can't is either doing something very wrong or has 10 kids all under 11 or some other mitigating factors. And I know for a fact I'd rather feel like crap as a SAHM than when dragging myself into work on a cold winter's morning.

@Idontspeakgermansorry Well that puts things more in perspective... knowing an easier week is coming his way, he should have made more effort.
When you ask him to, what does he say?

So sick he “can’t get up”.
But not so sick he couldn’t stay up late watching rubbish on the telly (and maybe having another beer).
And heading off for 3 weeks too.
I would be gutted too OP. Yanbu I would be pretty cross.

oh trust me - when i was in the army the men with pregnant wives got a shit ton of time off for whatever. women? well we had to leave before we reached 12 weeks so meh.

Don't underestimate how fucking awful early morning PT is and even if the exercise is in a week - don't underestimate how long it takes to get that ready. Even if you are only sitting at a desk.

I don't under estimate it, I imagine it's incredibly hard, but he's not on training now is he? He's at home now with a runny nose. It’s irrelevant that he needs to prepare, he’s getting out of bed, with a little cold to look his child. It doesn’t need that much effort. So, his not being arsed to help his wife and child out has nothing to do with him being a soldier. It's everything to do with him being a lazy bastard.

Interesting, @MTOandMe
"..It doesn’t need that much effort."
So if it doesn't need that much effort, the entire discussion, the whole thread, and getting annoyed by it in the first place is completely pointless, by the sound of it.

Please tell me he hasn’t asked you or woke you to get up?

Can you imagine if it was the other way around though? DH is annoyed because he wanted a lie in (despite not working) whilst you’re feeling unwell at the weekend when you’re the breadwinner who works all week? He’d be getting called feckless & lazy, you’d be asked why he’s not working and you’d be told to get him out of bed… Then that one poster would be asking what he brings to your life!

He's a soldier and he's complaining about having a cold? Ffs I've heard it all now.

I can guarantee that a SAHM has more chance of a lie in than I do on a work trip.

You can put a toddler in bed with you for a few hours. It's massively frowned upon if I ask my client to get into bed with me until I'm ready to wake up from my lie in...

What do you think a "work trip" is?!

How can he lie in on his work trip? Presumably he’s got to work 🙄

I feel your pain OP and I don‘t think YABU but having young kids and expecting another is never plain sailing. Do you have any immediate family close by that may be able to help get some rest today or while DH is away?

Everyone should have the right to call in sick when they're sick and that includes you. If you haven't been given that grace then why should he be afforded it?
Being a sahm is a work hours job not a 24/7 one.