Am I being controlling?

[Limmies]

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

You picked him. Weren't you embarrassed by his 'style' before you tied the knot? Did you think he'd conform to your taste once you were married?

I'd never, ever let anyone choose or buy my clothes! I dress smartly and stylishly, and have more than 30 pairs of shoes 😂
Anyone trying to dress me or style me would be told where to go 🙂

I think he sounds cool. I see loads of adult men (and women!) dressing like this! You sound boring and controlling. You should not have married this poor guy.

In answer to your question :yes, I think you are being controlling.

Oh dear OP, you’re being a right wally here. You married the chap knowing his style, you don’t get to insist he has a glow up to suit you!

exactly! i don't think 16 years matters but then why mention it as "slightly older"???

HRTFT, slightly older...50%!

YABU, he clearly has an established style and knows what he likes. Leave him alone, and accept him the way he is. It’s not like he dresses inappropriately.

You are a controlling wife. You knew how he dressed when you met him. If you did not like it you were under no obligation to date this much older man. His sister is correct.

Unfortunately you are the bullet your husband failed to dodge.

You should have read the comments and the poll results before embarrassing yourself like this.

I think you misread that comment.

I kind of get where you’re coming from OP. My partner wears some odd outfits, kind of stuck in the past 90s type outfits that aren’t particularly flattering. I just leave him to it though as I couldn’t really care less.

My DH often looks a complete mess as well ..I try hard at birthdays and Christmas to buy him nice bits ...but the problem is he keeps wearing items with holes in ,untill they completely fall apart..he also wears cardigans I despise..he's basically just missing a pipe to go with the cardigan and slippers.
But at least he's not wasting money on clothes he doesn't want ..and at least no other woman is going to fancy him in his cardigan..
So there's a lot to be said for looking a mess .
I just let mine get on with it ..I've given up trying to smarten him up ,he is who he is ,who I married,and clothes do not maketh the man....( But they do the woman )

Plus I love clothes and different styles and it just means more clothes money for me 😜

my husband is the same. it never used to bother me but began to when we couldnt go to nice places

Did you marry a much older doctor and now want him to change to suit your idea of a suitable man.
He sounds like the typical man who wants to still be 25 . Maybe thats why he married a much younger woman .

No chance of going anywhere nice sadly

I know - it never used to Bothe me until li had terrible breakdwon

Sorry to hear that.hope things are better now

not much - I lose hope as it was nine years ago and was truth terribel and I lost every single thign I loved

It sounds as though you are embarrassed to have married a man half your age again and are possibly seeing your friends with more age-appropriate partners and wanting to dress your husband in a similar way so your age gap relationship doesn't stand out as much. It won't work. Give it another ten years and it will stand out even more when you have just turned forty and he is almost sixty.

This is really sad. He likes those bands I assume? Hes just expressing himself through his clothing.
Unless you are going to a formal event just leave him alone.
I mean maybe buy him a couple of shirts you like abd tell him you'd like it if he wore those on dates with you.. but if he doesn't want to you've got to respect that really.
It IS controlling to try and change someone's style to suit your own tastes.
Especially if you are putting it down as you are. There's absolutely no need to say something is bad just because you dont happen to like it.
My husband wears his old band tshirts sometimes and I think he looks hot.

It took me 3 years to get my DH out of skinny jeans. Slim fit was the compromise.

but if your TELL them what to wear it doesn’t work their mates or seeing stuff they like works. Or better yet being more enthused on things you do like. Positive reinforcement

old rocker can be a fine look if styled well help him to look stylish with things he likes. He doesn’t want to dress like DB so you have to move on from that.