Am I being controlling?

[Limmies]

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

The only thing is, its beige and not gray! 😂

To be fair some men look wrong in skinny jeans. My ex used to wear his with converse and had huge feet, the effect made him look like a penguin. I never told him he had to change his style though.

Yup, this! I was a goth/rock chick in my youth. I still love the look, but dont dress like this any more. DH never met me in thise days, but I'm pretty sure if demanded he dress like that he'd tell me to fuck off! I think its controlling to tell another person hw to dress, yes

Brown!! Not even beige..im a dafty! 🤣

Who are you to dictate what he wears? If it was the other way round he’d be annihilated on here. Let him wear what he wants, he’s not hurting anyone.

You know that ‘casual’ smart style DB wears costs thousands? Zegna
or Cuccineli polo/t-shirt £300, custom made nice smart casual trousers £1.200, Loro piana smart casual trainers £750.

I am slightly baffled. OP wants her husband to dress in boring trainers, a nice pair of slacks and a woolly pully. Are we sure it's not OP who is 16 years older?
My DH dresses like Stig of the Dump most of the time which is fine because he's usually in the garden. He does scrub up very well though! I usually buy his shoes because I know what he likes so I just treat him to the more expensive versions which are of a quality to probably outlive us both.

My DH would approve 😂

Presumably he wore this stuff when you met, when you were dating, got engaged and married. If you didn’t have a problem with it then, what’s changed?

Honestly, it sounds like you’ve got a bigger problem than skinny jeans and band T-shirts. You kind of brushed off another comment but, as a couple, you do have almost half a generation age difference. That works for some people but can be tricky---- in the long run.

if the clothes weren’t an ick before, maybe you are the one who has changed? It’s not a dig, most women change significantly from their 20s in to their early 30s. It might be worth having a think about that while you’re still young. The generational difference won’t go away as you both get older.

ohh yes with the baking of muffins or something?

He’s not “slightly older”, he’s old enough to be your dad.

I think you’ve made your bed, sorry.

Currently 96% think she's being unreasonable so how can you say this?

Is he a rock star? I mean, mick j has been spraying on drainpipe skinnies for YEARS. He looks amazing and clearly doesn't give a fuck.

Please don't tell me you are married to a rock legend and want to turn him into Mr Marks and Sparks. It won't end well.

He's only 47! I mean, you're only slightly younger than him.

Yes you’re a control freak. David Beckham. He’s my choice but I don’t expect my husband to look like him. I do envy VB.
anyway back to the point, I’m assuming he dressed like that when you met him.

Compromise is key here

I’ve read all your posts and you haven’t once said why this has become an issue after you’ve got married.

Val Doonican!!!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂 I don’t know why but that’s really funny 😂😂😂😂😂

Hardly. His sister was down visiting. And I suggested what would look nice to the restaurant we were going to. All said in a nice, positive manner. Not putting anyone down.

There is no way to repeatedly tell someone you hate their clothes that isn't putting them down.

You're both controlling and lacking in basic manners.

are you serious?
how would you react if he told you he hated your clothes and wanted you to look more like X celebrity when you go out with him ?

this can’t be for real

Well yes, DH sometimes appears in a semi-decent t-shirt and trousers that don’t quite go, and I say “how about your polo shirt instead”. But we’re choosing from his existing wardrobe,
not creating a whole new one.

Either you love him for who he is, or you set him free to find someone who does. Yes, you are controlling trying to change how he dresses. That is trying to change who he is.

For the previous poster who said let's not pretend wives don't have input on what their husbands wear - that is true. I actually buy my DH most of his clothes but I do it within his style, in the colour schemes he likes. He likes my choices and thinks I make good ones.

My teen DD told me once, when I was looking at a shirt, not to buy it as, "Dad would look so much better in this style!" I told her that yes, he would look good, but it wasn't him and it wasn't for me or her to decide he should be different than who he is, therefore I am looking at the top I am because I know it's what HE likes.

Agree

has he ever given his opinion on your clothes?
my partner will only give n opinion if really really pressed otherwise it’s “you look nice “

he wears scrubs ffs - great bloke 👍

You married him knowing he dressed like this, you should have sorted it when you first starting seeing each other

and yes you are controlling to dictate what he should wear

Did you quote the wrong person?

my husband wears clothes that are so old and scruffy they are literally falling to pieces in rags. I never said anything but it did bother me if it meant we couldnt go to die places.