Am I being controlling?

[Limmies]

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

This is the reason we don't generally marry a person who could have been our teen dad.

You want him to look like he fades into the background, from those pictures. I think this might say something deeper about you than you'd want to go into.

Yes, you're being very controlling considering he dressed like he does now before you got that ring on your finger.

I'd ask him to give me Victoria Beckham's clothes budget so I could buy similar clothes.

And then I'd use it to leave the fucker.

I strongly disagree with this, a well dressed elegant man no more fades into tn4 back ground than a well dressed elegant woman.

I'm 46. I didn't consider myself particularly old, but I must be if he's an 'old rocker'. 'Old rocker' to me has connotations of a man in his 70s.
Anyway. Leave him alone. Both dh and I wear stuff the other doesn't always like. So what?

Old in comparison to a 3o year old.

Did you see the photos?

Yes,

Controlling? Absolutely
Behaving like his mother? Absolutely
That is not love. You are trying to make him fit your idea of how he should be and not accepting who he is. What really attracted you to him. Wasn’t how he looked was it? Is he a doctor? Caroline Aherne wish you were still here.

YANBU
How embarrassing. I couldn’t stand it either.

Men (and women) need to know when they’re too old for certain ways of dressing imo.

Can you compromise, and go with his style, but tone it right down?

Well each to their own but I call grey and dark blue formal trousers paired with grey or muted blue knitted jumpers dull, boring and"fading into the background" territory.

How is this any different to a coercive controlling bloke saying they want their woman whenever they go out in public with them to be the little sex lady, they want them to wear sexy provocative mini dresses, high heels, full face make up and all the other misogynistic BS that would get them flamed.

YABVVU your DH is entitled to body autonomy, he can wear what he wants, he can dress how he feels most comfortable, its his style, his character and his choice what he wears on his body.

If you dont like it then absolutely tough shit. Get over it. Its not your place. You are being coercive and controlling.

Im the same age as your partner and like wearing band t shirts and dms. If my partner decided he'd prefer I dressed like Victoria beckham and started banging on about it, he'd be told to fuck right off.

Reverse this
How would you feel if he bought you grunge t-shirts, ripped jeans, weathered leather jackets, and expected you to be grateful and to wear them?

A friend's brother is in his early 60s, and still dresses like a rocker. He looks really great, in a silver fox kind of way...

until he turns round and you see his stringy pony tail! The rest of his hair is short, so it'd be a mullet if it wasn't a pony tail, which would be even worse.

Friend has seriously considered creeping up on him when he's asleep and cutting it off.

Should OP dress down to match him?
f not, why not?

let him go.
You sound controlling and judgy.

Yeah, I'm an older Goth. I wear band t-shirts and stripy socks. No one is telling me what to wear, and if married someone and they wanted me to change I'd tell them to sod off!

> I would hate a man dressing so dull and meh

But I guess you wouldn't marry a man who didn't meet your shallow standards?

Firstly I think you need to check your understanding of the word slightly.

His sister told you in no uncertain terms that you're a controlling twat, good on her, yet here you are asking us. Did you not believe her?

Leave him alone, imagine if he told you how to dress, wouldn't like that would you?

Women (and men) of any age can wear whatever the fuck they want.

My husband would laugh in my face and tell me to f**ck off if I told him what to wear. As would I if he told me.

Jesus, say how you feel. Just because you don't like the fashion doesn't make it 'sad', doesn't mean they're insecure, and nor will it give you the 'ick' at nearly 60 either.

I would be telling my DH to fuck off if he started trying to influence how I dressed.

If he asks for your opinion on his style or what he should wear for a particular occasion, then by all means, share your thoughts. Otherwise respect his choices. It is controlling to try to make him conform to your idea of what looks good.

Shallow 😂😂😂😂😂

Its called personal taste - that’s not mine and I doubt my style would match with someone who dresses like my dad.