Am I being controlling?

[Limmies]

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

You should be glad he has a personal style and encourage it. Stop trying to turn him into a boring clone. Look at how top designers over the years have interpreted the "rocker" look and take consolation/inspiration from that, and if you have to buy him clothes, buy some in that style. As long as he is clean and smells good, not sweaty/grungy, it's a sexy bad boy look that many women find attractive. Obviously he should "dress up" for certain occasions (formal wedding/funeral, job interview, court appearance) but these are few and far between for most people.

Yes, you are being judgy and controlling, you must have seen the responses here when men tell wives/partners to wear more conventional clothes and abandon what they actually like.

Don't think OP would have warmed to my last (late) partner's appearance.

He normally wore hippy-type clothes and his hair and beard were usually quite wild, and he was fat. In fact he looked rather like a fat Catweazle, and I sometimes called him Fatweazle (affectionately).

He usually worked in the back rooms of museums as a conservator, so didn't have to deal directly with the public. But I never interfered with his appearance as he knew when to change into a suit for formal occasions, and make an effort to organise the wayward hair.

My DH (55) is Levi's, plaid shackets and Adidas. A couple of years ago I suggested some items like the ones you posted but from Benetton. I loved that European look.

He is still wearing Levi's, Adidas etc lol. Fortunately I don't actually mind.

To me someone who dresses that way will have done so for decades and it's almost part of their identity. As you say, he's a rocker. He's not going to start dressing like a chartered accountant or David flipping Beckham. He probably absolutely hates Beckham. His materialism, his deeply un rock n roll image.

I don't see how you can suddenly say you despise something which is clearly a way he expressed his character.

I’ll be honest OP I would hate your DH’s style but then I don’t think I’d have dated him in the first place let alone married him then try to turn him into someone he’s not.

Maybe if you wanted a smart casual dresser, that’s who you should have married.

Repeatedly. In fact we really fell out last time (3 weeks ago) because it was accompanied by the sentence „look nice for your husband…and you“. WTAF.

I reached tipping point. Lost my very shit at him.

Ha yes... Imagine it's Steps and Spice Girls 🤣

'Women marry men because they think they will change. They never do. Men marry women because they think they won't change. They always do.' If you want tropes ...

Am wondering, why did the poor deluded sap marry you?

I like the sound of how your dh dresses. Much better than slipping into middle aged dressing. My dh had no dress style good or bad when l met him. He asked me to help. I do help him choose clothes now but he wants that. I pick up bits and pieces in Sales when l know they suit. And we go shopping twice a year to get seasonal stuff. He finds it a relief always to have the right clothes but if he didn't want that l couldn't do it. He definitely is not the type to be bossed around. Its important to accept your dh as he is as its a long road being married to someone you don't accept. Leave him off!

I have no say in what my husband wears, likewise he has no say in what I wear. We do however both ask for advice sometimes when buying new clothes.

Yes you are being controlling. And he is a LOT older than you.

If my DH tried to "positively tell me what might look nice" to go out with him and it was different to what I had already chosen I'd tell him where to go. Poor bloke.

I'm picturing him more as Jeffrey Dean Morgan and having much the same reaction: yum

I don't have a say in what DH wears. He is scruffy and has never had an interest in clothes. He only buys new clothes when his are all frayed and really scruffy. He wears smart clothes when the occasion requires it - weddings and funerals. He is retired and hardly goes out so he doesn't need to look smart these days.

Slightly older is a few years not 16. 16 years comes under a lot older.

Anyway, yes you are controlling. Presumably he dressed like that when you met him. And you married him knowing how he dressed, which for him is a specific style he likes and is part of his identity.

Let it go.

Although I would suggest looking at the men's range at Joe Briwns which might be a happy medium.

I dress boho/rock chic my husband is 9 years older and wears chinos and farmer clothing, I love him for who he is

You totally don't get a say in what he chooses to wear. If he asks your opinion fine but the fact his sister got involved means it clearly has bothered him which is quite sad. Surely just suck it up? you met someone nice and attractive. If this was a man telling a woman what to wear in this way 😱

Yes you are being controlling.

If my husband tried to dictate what I wore he would be out the fucking door.

You knew what he was like.

You married him.

You are the one with the problem, not him.

Clothes can be an expression of the person's personality. It reflect's their choice, likes, dislikes. It is who they are.

Why are you trying to undermine your partner, make them feel bad about themselves by destroying his confidence in how he looks?

Leave him be. He’s not a house you can do up until you’ve got it the way you want it.

Probably time to get off Instagram and look around at what actual men wear, not just celebs when there's cameras around.

How do you dress? How would you feel if DH kept buying you band t-shirts and leather jackets, and kept asking you to wear them, even if it made you uncomfortable?

I think it must be bad if his sister said to leave hin alone!