Ex doesn’t want our child more than every other weekend!

[SassyCrab]

Me and my ex broke up 3 months ago and he has said he can only have our child every other weekend which is usually a 7pm pick up Friday and late drop off Sunday. But I’m just find it overwhelming at the minute doing everything by myself accept 4 times in a month, when I try to have an adult conversation about it he will just say “this is what you wanted so you will have to suck it up” and that “he still needs a life” it’s not fair that our child only sees his dad every 2 weeks for a short space of time. I understand he works 5 days a week and his hours are long but something needs to be done as I’m doing absolutely everything why he basically lives his life as he wants. If I took this further with court, I’m not asking 50:50 I just want more than 4 times in a month! Would they honour more time or take it as he still doing something?

I wish my ex would have our children 2 weekends a month, it’s been 10 years and he hasn’t ever had them overnight not once.

Love a bit of victim-blaming! Many of these men don’t appear to be wasters pre-baby, they may support the woman staying home for a maternity leave so the disparity seems fine and normal, or there may be good reasons that the woman is happy to do a larger share when the kids are small with the belief that things will be more equal once the children are a bit bigger. This isn’t a red flag for many people as perfectly equal 50/50 parenting from the moment of conception is pretty rare.

It’s typically later, when the women are locked in by debt, shared homes, the children themselvesetc, or even at the point of divorce, that the true colours start to show up. There are plenty of threads on here from women who say their husbands/partners have been pretty good and involved dads until the moment they break up and then they decide they’re not interested in more than EOW.

I think it's about time society stopped letting these men off the hook in a societal way. If you meet a man who barely sees his kids call him out on it and don't believe the lies excuses he gives. A parent who wants to be involved and see their kids will. Those that don't are because they can't be arsed. Same for mothers that don't see their kids (and they do exist). 4 nights a month is pathetic and not parenting. I know some mothers would be grateful for that because they get no help, but that doesn't mean it's acceptable.
To those mothers @Dreamlava gloating about EOW being perfect for them, maybe you should stop thinking about yourselves for once and start thinking is 4 nights a month with their dad really a way for your dc to have a healthy relationship with their other parent? I think not.

I know there are a lot of people out there that have it worst than me and I sympathise with them, but as bad as it sounds I gave him the choice either every other weekend or he doesn’t see him at all as initially he only wanted him just the Saturday every other weekend.

He’s a deadbeat dad. Don’t force your child to spend time with someone who doesn’t see him as a priority. Thank god he’s your ex.

My ex same, only wants them every other weekend and wed night which by time he picks them up its tea and bed.
He was either not turning up or palming them off on his parents cz his life comes first .
Believe me if u force him to do more he'll do the same. Ive not had even so much asca date in 6 years and its bloody hard with 3 but 2 of them now don't see him cz they've figured for themselves he's a waste of space and its only a matter of time before my youngest also realises.
I tell myself my relationship with my girls is fantastic and will be in future because they know ive AlWAYS put them first at the detrimental of my life but thats what a mum does. He will put himself first always if that just how he is but the kids will figure it out for themselves.

This is where I am now. Mine are older teenagers and Ive been divorced since they were tiny with their Dad having them one night a month. I was massively resentful and struggled terribly when they were little. Now they're older we are very close and all thriving. They hardly even reply to his texts. Karma got him in the end

It’s not her child it’s their child!

Could you look at some form of childcare that he pays for to give you a break?

This is how it works if you have custody- if he doesn't want joint custody then this is how often he will see them, you can't force it, and it wouldn't be great if you did. TBH when this happened in my family it was usually only a few hours on a Saturday- Friday night to Sunday night is better than average.
Many men move away and want to do less than once a fortnight, once he has a new girlfriend/wife and kids with her it quite often happens they don't want to see the kids from an earlier marriage at all- it's just the way most men are wired, I'm afraid.

You have two options unfortunately.

1- suck it up.

2- give him the child full time.

you can’t force anyone to be a parent and neither can a court.

Hi op I know it’s hard work but it will get easier and it’s your ex who will miss out. He will regret his choices when he realises he’s a shit dad. Paying cm doesn’t make him a good dad. Op when he’s at school parents evenings and sports days etc. op you don’t have to include him as he’s a very part time dad and a lot of men are really this selfish if he is doing it to punish you let him think your happy having dc more because the more you ask for help the more he will enjoy your struggles. He’s a twat. Simple as that. Maybe take a few days off work when dc in nursery to recharge yourself.

Unfortunately you need to remove your expectations. Whilst it's infuriating, you need to consider yourself lucky of anything the dad does because you have zero say about it. So many women are entitled about this, but like it or not, he can tell you to fuck off tomorrow and you'll be lonely parenting 100%.

I'm baffled when people start all the "ha ha ha, tell him he'll be having them every weekend, and you'll be dropping them off at 7am" etc.

Tell him? You've got no ability to tell anyone. But he can indeed tell you that you're now the sole parent and never contact him again.

Our body, our choice, our consequences.

I'm baffled when people start all the "ha ha ha, tell him he'll be having them every weekend, and you'll be dropping them off at 7am" etc.

Who on this thread has said this?

Whilst it's infuriating, you need to consider yourself lucky of anything the dad does because you have zero say about it.

Dear goddess, the bar is on the actual floor. And attitudes like these - count yourself lucky if a dad does ANYTHING - that contribute to (some) men basically thinking it’s not their job and they are fabulous if they do something, however small.

Please take him to court.

how arrogant that he thinks that he can do this.

he is 50% parent and you do all the parenting.

absolutely not.

What do you think court will do? If he’s not willing to do it or say he can’t they won’t make him?

It's called fact.

OP can make the dad parent this child no more then she can make me. All this "ohhh the bar is on the floor" is pointless drama. That's the fact of the matter.

In the real world, the only thing she can force is CMS to attempt to get maintenance. So actually, yes, be grateful for anything she gets because she's entitled, to zero. Not what she thinks she deserves, or what the "useless man" should be doing in whoever's opinion.

If she is getting any respite by the father having the child, who clearly can't be that arsed because 4 days in every 28 is sod all, and he's refused to make it even 5, it would be wise to not push it further, because OP will end up with zero. And there's nothing she can do about it.

Oh and as for "who on this thread said that" how about the post directly after yours.

I can't be bothered to look through all the pages and find identical examples, but there will be many. There always are. Of what the OP should tell this man...make this man do... Which is all pointless because you can make the man do nothing.

Honestly

The shoe could be on the other foot, I know it’s rare, but my friends wife, walked out 5 years ago, leaving 5 kids to the dad, no visits, no financial support. He’s an awesome dad and gets nothing to help.
Whilst my example doesn’t help and it’s a rare situation, as for some reasons Dads tend to be the ars in lots of cases, take from it you are the better parent and should be proud, that’s what I told him.

It didn’t get him anywhere, but I would try court, and even if he doesn’t step up, try for financial support, it’s the minimum you deserve and you may be able to then fund clubs/nursery easier etc.

Since you posted your post before the poster after mine, you can’t really cite that post as evidence.

And since you CBA to read the thread, and I have been on it since the start, I shall accord both you and your post the amount of respect you deserve.

Ta ra, chuck.

It didn’t get him anywhere, but I would try court, and even if he doesn’t step up, try for financial support, it’s the minimum you deserve and you may be able to then fund clubs/nursery easier etc.

He is paying CM; OP has said this.

Hold on, just so I understand:

You chucked him.
He works long hours 5 days a week.
You want him to have kiddo every weekend.
He's saying this means he won't have any life outside of work and childcare.
He's a great dad.
You've issued an ultimatum saying he can't see his kid at all.

Yeah, I hope he takes it to court.

My kids dad fucked off to the south of France 🤡
Im not sure the courts can force more than what he’s already doing unfortunately and to be quite honest, the way I see it with my ex, why would I force him? If he didn’t want to see the kid, your kid will soon grow up and realise, it did not take my two long to see through their father and now have nothing to do with him.

Do you work and are your children in school or nursery?