Ex doesn’t want our child more than every other weekend!

[SassyCrab]

Me and my ex broke up 3 months ago and he has said he can only have our child every other weekend which is usually a 7pm pick up Friday and late drop off Sunday. But I’m just find it overwhelming at the minute doing everything by myself accept 4 times in a month, when I try to have an adult conversation about it he will just say “this is what you wanted so you will have to suck it up” and that “he still needs a life” it’s not fair that our child only sees his dad every 2 weeks for a short space of time. I understand he works 5 days a week and his hours are long but something needs to be done as I’m doing absolutely everything why he basically lives his life as he wants. If I took this further with court, I’m not asking 50:50 I just want more than 4 times in a month! Would they honour more time or take it as he still doing something?

Right! I or they would be FORCED to do it. Hurrah we've got there!! And they said it couldn't be done!

You have a chat with the PPs here who think you just need to say 'i don't want to' and social services will whisk them away, no questions asked. To, presumably, one of the thousands of alternate accommodations that exist. They seem to have a lot of fascinating facts for you about it, it's really unbelievable some of the provision that is available and most people have no idea!

Not making excuses for him but you say he works late most nights - is that why the Friday pick up is never on time?

Some people are doing it. Not most, not even close. You and others like you have got fixated on what extreme and criminal situations would look like, not the reality - and not what should happen.

Being in a residential care facility is very, very different to just not wanting to be arsed. Can't you see that?

Nice try. The three @ really clinched it.

Sorry you’re going through this OP. It’s shit and it’s just shown what a shit human being he is. If you’ve learned anything it’s that you made the correct choice in leaving him. If he doesn’t want 50-50 then you can’t force it through the courts unfortunately, but like others I believe that unless there’s domestic violence, or a real threat of neglect/abuse then there needs to be some legal route to stop fathers abandoning their children and only seeing them every other weekend. Anyone who only sees their child every other weekend is not a real parent.

Yeah, but I said to him on the weekends he has our son he needs to speak to his work and ask them for a job nearby. He’s in construction where he works all over London, if it’s his sons weekend I expect him to pick him up by 6 not by 8 when it’s his bedtime.

Well she wasn’t in a residential care facility when she was on the beach. Maybe she thought that was a better option than a criminal record?

You are arguing with people who agree with you in principle. It’s shit when one parent or both parents decide they don’t want to do it. But there is fuck all the state can do to make them, regardless of the degree of absenting themselves.

Secondly, it cannot be in a child’s best interests to spend forced time with a person who would rather be in bed/at work/anywhere else but with their child. Most parents understand this and would protect their children from this situation.

I am confused by some posts on this thread.

This SPECIFIC dad is not an utter deadbeat. He does take the child (more or less)- on schedule, does so regularly, cares for him properly when he has him.

And I suspect if OP and the proverbial bus had a fatal meeting, the dad would step up.

If OP and the dad were still together and she was on here asking for advice on how to split childcare responsibilities, she would be getting more sympathy than she is and fewer posts about how she will have a better relationship with the child long term etc

No, I don’t think we should jail parents who CBA to do their share because they know the RP will take up their slack. But blimey, OP should be entitled to RAGE against the fact that he won’t even talk to his boss or clients to accommodate an earlyish finish every other Friday, when OP has to work around her free nursery hours and cover the pick ups and drop offs and every other thing.

Instead many posters tell her she shouldn’t want her kid spending a fair time with his dad, even though if they were together, this would be said by many.

@SassyCrab no court can make anyone care for there child if they don’t want to.
If you stopped contact and he tooke you to court the court could help with an agreement if you both couldn’t reach one.
or if you thought he was a bad parent and you wanted to remove access they would deal with these types of issues .

Could you offer him 50/50 then he has to sort child care etc for his week and you do the dam for your week ?

as an example, if OP was here saying that her DP wanted to do his own thing on the weekends so that he still “ had a life” - there would be far less “well, it’s better the kid spends time with you than him if he’s not that fussed” and far more “nope, he should cover football classes Saturdays and you should cover gym classes on Sundays so it’s fair”

No, you're talking about the authorities 'forcing' a parent to care for their child. I'm saying that if you're a parent who cares about your child's welfare then of course you'll care for them even if you would rather have a break because if the other parent is absent then you have no choice. Courts and judges aren't relevant to the point I was making.

I am not sure why you keep referring to social services whisking children away. It's bizarre. But yes, I am a social worker and sometimes we do take children into care when their parents refuse to care for them. It's usually teenagers rather than young children. It does happen.

@SassyCrab reading your updates op. You could get a solicitor to send a letter and ask for set times and more time with his son.
Then he will Have to find and use a solicitor too. Do t let him reply by txt . Would this annoy him ? The cost ?
It also means he is refusing in writing NOT to spend more time with his so.

It may just give him the push to step more. All
bit maybes and mights.

If a parent was so useless why on eaeth would you want the parent anywhere near a child? Free childcare?

Raise your standards

It is my high standards that mean I prefer that my children are predominantly in my capable, enthusiastic care, than in the unenthused equal-time care of their father.

Because the parent in question isn’t “so useless” - he looks after the kid well when he does it. If he wasn’t feeding, washing him etc then I’m sure OP would feel differently.

And what’s with the “free childcare” jibe? They are both parents. If you view it that way, OP is providing far more of the free childcare than her ex.

I disagree - stop playing it to your ex at all

I haven't seen my ex in person in 6 years. Or exchanged anything other than a one sentence email - and even that less than 5 times and generally something like 'here is a dentists bill, you owe XEUR'. Otherwise he just sends meeting invites for when he wants to see the kids (and I do the same in return for if I'm taking the kids out of the country)

He is not my problem anymore. I have enough on my hands with the kids. He can add him self to school mailing lists. I haven nothing to discuss with him.

@Empthy should be roundly ignored

No children
No experience of co parenting
and thinks that anything better than wilful neglect is fine for a child to be around

oh - and really struggles understanding posts

Best ignored

Just ignore @Empthy

Head. Wall. Bang

Imagine waving off your child knowing that the person they’ll be alone with has openly said they want fuck all to do with said child and only doing it to avoid a legal penalty

Maybe she thought that was a better option than a criminal record?

Let's stop there. If you think people can request residential facility over a criminal record and all is peachy then the rest of your claims are likely equally misinformed. There's nothing else to say.

No you can’t, my ex dh did two nights a month and most months he had plans so reduced that to one. It’s overwhelming but you can’t force him. Make sure he’s paying maximum cms

This is what happens when women have children with wasters.
You can't force them to have a child when they don't want to.
He gets to decide what, when, and where, and you have zero choice in the matter.
He wants a life and he wants to punish you by not seeing his child much.
A total loser.

I think if some women realised just what a shit deal having children is before getting pregnant, they might rethink it.

When the relationships fail, it is the women's life, earning potential, career progression and pension that take 100% of the hit.

Total madness how few women realise this.

What the courts should do is wise up to financial fraud and make them pay.

Oh @Empthy , you just aren’t getting it are you?

I am not sure if you’re deliberately being obtuse or genuinely misunderstanding, but either way, it’s clearly a waste of time trying to engage with you. So I shan’t bother again.

@SassyCrab It really is shit, I hope you get something worked out. 💐

Are you okay? How does asking the other parent who made the child to step up classified as free child care 😅 as mentioned MANY times in this thread, when he has our son, he is a GOOD dad but he does things to spite me which can make him bad in other ways. Me wanting a break an extra 2 days a month from the other parent isn’t asking for much! I pay £500 a month in nursery fees, so the issue isn’t child care! I just want more help from the other parent as I have a 2 year old who is very hard work!