To think my Grammar School DD 2 with an IQ of 119 should be aiming for at least Grade 7's in all her GCSE subjects.

[redange]

My DD'2 is currently in the process of choosing her GCSE options for next year year 10 and at a Girls Grammar School in Essex. However, I am seriously upset with her attitude at the moment regarding what she thinks grades she should be achieving at the end of year 11. The, schools expectations are grade 7 and above for all subjects . The, other problem is because DD is in year 9 she obviously did not do her SATS at 11 so I have no predicted pathway to convince her. DD'2 has convinced herself, she will only be capable of at best 'all' grade 5's at end of year 11 despite having a decent IQ of 119. For, the record DD 1 IQ is 122 and she is expected to get between 6- 8 GCSE's at 9 and the others at 7/8.
Am I reasonable to think she is just being lazy, or is she suffering from a little bit of confidence, due to 'impostor' syndrome and her sisters likely results. I have looked at various sources online, which suggest that with a good study ethos her grades should not be hugely dissimilar to DD 1's. There, are also a couple of 'rebels' who are friends of hers playing up at school currently, for which the school believe is year 9 blues..

No I am not a natural scholar ! I have many disabilities including Autism Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, Irlens,, for all the Piss Takers. I do Have a Degree In Politics, so I 'maybe' a 'Idiot' but on the Intelligent side of an Idiot...

CCHS? She will probably need a huge amount of reassurance OP, and to feel she is not being compared unfavourably to her sibling. (I’m sure that you’re not doing this btw, it’s just that a Y9 girl amongst very competitive peers can so easily start to feel “less than”, and rather than be seen to fail, they will opt out of trying).

Having grown up as an able child with a mother who liked to boast to friends about my achievements while simultaneously treating me with scorn for anything she saw as a failure, I can tell you that academic ease stays with you, as does a thirst for learning. It can, however remain buried under layers of low self-esteem and impostor syndrome for a long

I hope your DD is able to manage the pressure of the high-achieving environment , bolstered by your love and support. Wishing you both a happy GCSE experience - I hope she finds the subjects that are her passion.

For the record the IQ means nothing to me but if I don't give any figures about the academic competency of my DD'2 how can anyone tell me what is normal for a girl of her decent capabilities.

Someone at a grammar school should sensibly be getting majority 7s throughout GCSE barring major extenuating circumstances.

My children also went to Essex grammar schools. All achieved mostly 9s with a spattering of 8s and 7s.

I can't say I blame her.

I have never policed my childrens homework

Thank You Why... Not CCHS less competitive ...

Can you not just encourage her to do her best and tell her you are proud whatever the results?

Exactly. ..
Especially in a world where AI means academic diligence and swotting are not going to be hugely valuable skills...

I’m surprised they got into grammar school with those slightly above average IQ scores. How did you get their IQs as they may be inaccurate?

Someone at a grammar school is capable of at least 7s and should be getting some 8s and 9s.

Why be proud of underachieving? Come year 10 and 11 DD should focus and study. This is a DD who is capable of 7s

Does she have an idea of what she wants to do after school? What A levels she might want, or degree, or line of work? It might be nice to have a big range of high scores but ultimately meaningless if it doesn't correlate with her goals. No one at uni is going to care about her GCSEs, no one at work will care beyond her having maths and English.

Edit to add: even if she has aspirations of a top uni, GCSE will only be a part of demonstrating competency. It will all be about A level results and extra curriculars

Surgeons13 you have obviously never worked in a senior school environment . I have . There are many children that are ‘expected’ to achieve and have had pressure put on them and have a deeply stressful 2 years during GCSE’s which has caused all kind of mental health problems . Teachers put enough pressure on the children, imagine going home and your parents putting the pressure on . I am a deep believer of you try your best and that is good enough . If you pressurise a child it might work, or it might explode in ways you don’t want to experience 🤷‍♀️

She isn't her sister. Her sister should be absolutely nothing to do with any conversations about how she is doing or hopes to do. She also isn't her 'rebel' friends. She isn't anyone else on here's daughter either. She hasn't even started to study her GCSE subjects yet. Stop comparing her to other people and focus on who she is as a person.
To get into a grammar she's likely within the top 10% in the country academically, or at least that was the line when I went to one. So she's a smart kid. Girls grammars can crush your confidence in your own abilities though so that's where the focus is needed. Having a parent who's IQ tested you and your sister won't have helped on that front. Support, not pressure. Stop stressing her about results that are over two years away and help build her self confidence now.

@redange please ask your dd why she is feeling this way. There may be something up.

I'm sure come GCSE time she'll do really well. Encourage her and let her know she's brilliant.

Same here. 155 (didnt join, only took the test to prove I was cleverer than my husband!).

IQ is absolutely not the same as academic ability and even if it was, it certainly isnt more important than personal desire or preference. If she would be happy with 5's, who are you to say she is wrong? PErhaps she is managing your expectations as you sound very demanding.

DD3 was the highest achieving student in her GCSE year. School were fully expecting her in VIth form and then Oxbridge. She did her A levels at college and is now in a non RG uni, her first choice, and is excelling.

Why are you sure she'll do well? You have no idea about that.

I wonder if she might be looking for some reassurance that there are more routes forward in life if she isn't able to meet the school's high expectations @redange?

I like to know that I have a few workable safety nets before I can set out on a more ambitious target. Maybe your dd is the same but these aren't immediately obvious to her, being surrounded by high performing classmates and sister?

YABU. That IQ is only very slightly above the average range (with 115 being top of the average range) and whilst she probably would do very well if she worked very hard, she absolutely will not just sail through and expect to get great marks without a lot of effort. I feel sorry for her - she is in a competitive school where she likely has a lot less academic aptitude than many others, and you are being way too harsh on her.

Whilst knowing your kids IQ and setting store by it is a bit unusual and unhelpful, people are being a bit weird about it. Only on mumsnet is being in the top 10% not that bright.

My DD got 12 x grade 9’s and is predicted 4 x A star for her A levels this summer. Never crossed my mind to test her intelligence formally. Not sure what purpose is. I mean the grades speak for themselves. Also I think some of it with my DD is hard work and determination over natural ability, as she worked incredibly hard in GCSE years. She isn’t one of those kids who does no work and gets a grade 9.

Nobody takes IQ seriously any more (it's so outdated) and in education anyone banging on about it is basically laughed at.
It's OK to encourage her to aim higher but you're in danger of having the opposite effect. That should be obvious, but I fear it isn't.

Why doesn’t she want to do the 2 hours (think that was mentioned) homework? Is she actually interested in certain subjects? Would she benefit from private tuition?

I went to a private school straight from a non private school and I swear most of the teachers thought I was stupid but in the end of term exams I got very high grades including almost top in both our classes for French. However, when I did these exams I didn’t realise how serious they were so was very relaxed about them compared to my peers. I suffered a bit with anxiety over my GCSEs because I knew how important they were and I’m very self critical.

By IQ, OP is probably talking about CAT tests which virtually all private schools do and most state state school do a version of. They are used to predict academic outcomes and calculate value added. Schools don't always report these test scores to parents

So she's thirteen? ((3rd year senior in old money?)

She's probably leaving for school around 8am, with an extra curricular maybe getting home 4.30/5, then another 1hr 20 minimum homework taking her past 6pm, even 5pm if no after school club.

That's a 10 hour day. For a 13yo. Even with a high IQ thats a lot.

The pressure of kids is so high.

Do you know if she got all 5s, she could probably go to a (shock, horror) whispers local 6 form college - and still do the A Levels she wants to?

As pps said. Encourage her to do her best and be proud of her when she does.

The responses are classic MNs

”why do you know her IQ”, “that IQ is average”, “my IQ is double that” 🙄😁