To think my Grammar School DD 2 with an IQ of 119 should be aiming for at least Grade 7's in all her GCSE subjects.

[redange]

My DD'2 is currently in the process of choosing her GCSE options for next year year 10 and at a Girls Grammar School in Essex. However, I am seriously upset with her attitude at the moment regarding what she thinks grades she should be achieving at the end of year 11. The, schools expectations are grade 7 and above for all subjects . The, other problem is because DD is in year 9 she obviously did not do her SATS at 11 so I have no predicted pathway to convince her. DD'2 has convinced herself, she will only be capable of at best 'all' grade 5's at end of year 11 despite having a decent IQ of 119. For, the record DD 1 IQ is 122 and she is expected to get between 6- 8 GCSE's at 9 and the others at 7/8.
Am I reasonable to think she is just being lazy, or is she suffering from a little bit of confidence, due to 'impostor' syndrome and her sisters likely results. I have looked at various sources online, which suggest that with a good study ethos her grades should not be hugely dissimilar to DD 1's. There, are also a couple of 'rebels' who are friends of hers playing up at school currently, for which the school believe is year 9 blues..

You can have a high IQ, be highly intelligent and still struggle at school OP. There’s lots of reasons for that - and it’s entirely possible that your neurodivergence has been passed on. It could be due to boredom, lack of study habits, perfectionism, all of which can result in poor grades. I was one of those people: I struggle with tedious, repetitive tasks, have a ‘boom or bust’ approach to work, and had real trouble motivating myself for anything other than my favourite subjects. I was diagnosed with adhd after my eldest son was born and diagnosed at 4 (it was VERY obvious). Maybe that school isn’t the right environment for her to thrive? What are her thoughts?

I occasionally do some work with a top independent school, their results at GCSE are something daft like 95%+ grades 7-9 and I can tell you the staff/ school community just don't think in the terms you are.

It's not about numbers and pathways and predicted grades. It's about 'deep work' and fostering a genuine love of learning. The teachers go above and beyond to spark interest in their subject, that's the bit you can help with at home imo. The grades will flow from that with a capable kid.

I think you’re putting too much pressure on hee focusing on numbers. How do you communicate with her?

Given that these traits are generally genetic, you might want to consider the fact that your DD2 might be dealing with one or all of these conditions too…

Does she enjoy school(as much as a child can?) Does she do/have interests outside of school?
A different approach might be is she happy, do you have the kind of relationship she can discuss anything and everything with you?
The school has expectations of which your DD will be aware and alongside consequences if not met. Let school do their job and you be the support for DD. Discuss homework, help if needed. And leave her to it. Pressure at her age is not good, you may make her rebel. Her life should be fun and carefree with school work not being an issue. She may decide sixth form is not what she wants, I understand that you want the best for her, but you can guide not live her life.💕

She hasn't even started her GCSEs yet.

You sound a bit mad.
Or Maybe it’s cultural.
Encourage slightly step back and let her live her own life.

I think its weird to be so fixated on it at this early stage. At any stage really, but especially now.

If she doesn't go to 6th form there she'll do something else. GCSEs really don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Everything is just a stepping stone to the next stage and as long as she gets what she needs for that, there's no issue.

And I stress it's what she needs, not you.

Just to add, I was "gifted and talented" and predicted A* and A grades at GCSE, then the same at A-Level. I massively "under-performed" because to me it was a complete waste of energy and effort going above and beyond to get grades I didn't need.

I agree. I have an IQ of 142 but failed all my O levels. Just wasn’t interested I suppose

If she is at a grammar school, she’s in the top 20% of students within your area. Grade 7+ is manageable in most subjects for about 17-25% of all students nationally so yes, that’s not an unreasonable expectation. She needs to feel supported rather than harassed, though.

Maybe give the kid a break?

You are putting her under pressure to set herself aspirational targets for exams that are still two years away. You're comparing her to her sister and her classmates. You want her to do 2 hours of homework every night after a full day at school. No wonder she feels she has to manage your expectations when it comes to her grades.

When kids have parents who put them under intense pressure to achieve it usually goes one of two ways. They either become obsessive, anxious and perfectionistic to the point that they work themselves into the ground and beat themselves up for making even small mistakes, or they go completely the other way and stop trying altogether, they bury their heads in the sand and pretend not to care because what's the point in trying when you're never going to be good enough?

Do you only care about grades or do you want her to love learning? Because you're running the risk of turning her off learning completely by focusing everything on attainment. What are her interests and passions and how can you help her to nurture them? How can you build her confidence?

You need to focus less on numbers, predicted grades and comparisons with her sister and focus more on protecting her emotional wellbeing and your relationship with her.

My ds is in y9 he did SATS
they're young they don't get it yet, ds head is in his arse over sport and Xbox still and says the other day what's the point of getting more than a 4 it's a pass - he didn't like my response.
It's frustrating but I expect at his age I was the same and I have a postgraduate qualification and his dad does too.

I think she is going to have to knuckle down to the 2 hour homework routine if she wants good results. It really isn't that much - even when I was 7/8 at prep school, we had homework every night, including learning how to spell 10 words which we were tested on the next day. Whilst working towards exams at 15 and 17, we had LOTS of homework every night and at the weekend too! You get used to it.

I was also going to ask this @redange? I have DC in Y11 and Y9. The Y11 did not do them due to Covid but the Y9 definitely did.

I attained mostly the equivalent of grade 6 GCSEs (B) with a couple of 7s (A) thrown in. Did slightly better at A-Level and then got a 1st class degree at a red brick university. In other words chillout a bit!

I've got an above average paying job but to be honest I think in today's world, Trades might actually be the sensible way to go depending on your child's aptitude and interests.

You seem a bit obsessed tbh. Timing your daughter's homework time to make sure she spends 1h40m on it, already discusing with her what she should get in her gcses before she has even chosen them. Chill out. It will be fine. The happiest, and even the richest people I know are NOT those who got the best gcse results. Let her know you believe she is capable of achieving good results if she puts her mind to it, but accept that whether she puts her mind to it will be largely up to her.

Am I missing something - when I did GCSEs we worked to do our best but I wouldn't have been trying to predict our grades in year 9. My parent certainly would not have even known where to start. You may get a reasonable idea of their likely outcomes when they do the mocks in the same year they sit the GCSEs but this is all way too early. Just encourage your daughter to enjoy school, pay attention, follow her interests and do a reasonable amount of homework (an hour a night seems plenty).

Maybe she just feels under too much pressure

It’s not clear whether OP’s DD isn’t doing her homework (well) or whether she’s just not sticking to some arbitrary time set either by the school or OP.

Just keep being positive and telling her she can.
Keep reinforcing that she doesnt have to wrote herself off. She tries her best and keeps on going.

My eldest just did his junior cert, and apart from encouragement/offering revision books/quiet/anything else he needed to help him out I left him to it! I certainly didn't badger him about how many hours he's spending on his prep, or do anything more than discuss what his predicted results were and tell him I had my fingers crossed for him. He got good results (not the best, but well above average, and enough for what he needs).

You don't need to max out every exam, focussed effort is much more sensible

Unless she wants a specific career that states specific GCSEs of a high grade she only needs to get what she needs to do the next thing that she wants to do. No one has ever asked for my GCSEs after the age of mid 20s. I got loads of As but all seems pointless tbh.

My DS took a dip in yr9. He viewed it as he last year he could relax before it all got serious. He then "locked in" for his current yr10.
I wasn't worried in yr9 I supported his view. He did about the same level of homework per week yours does per day.
He's now got predicted grades of all 7,8,&9s. More than enough for 6th form.
There's more than enough pressure from yr10 let your DD have a break. Let her enjoy school and be a teenager!

Fear of failure maybe