To think my Grammar School DD 2 with an IQ of 119 should be aiming for at least Grade 7's in all her GCSE subjects.

[redange]

My DD'2 is currently in the process of choosing her GCSE options for next year year 10 and at a Girls Grammar School in Essex. However, I am seriously upset with her attitude at the moment regarding what she thinks grades she should be achieving at the end of year 11. The, schools expectations are grade 7 and above for all subjects . The, other problem is because DD is in year 9 she obviously did not do her SATS at 11 so I have no predicted pathway to convince her. DD'2 has convinced herself, she will only be capable of at best 'all' grade 5's at end of year 11 despite having a decent IQ of 119. For, the record DD 1 IQ is 122 and she is expected to get between 6- 8 GCSE's at 9 and the others at 7/8.
Am I reasonable to think she is just being lazy, or is she suffering from a little bit of confidence, due to 'impostor' syndrome and her sisters likely results. I have looked at various sources online, which suggest that with a good study ethos her grades should not be hugely dissimilar to DD 1's. There, are also a couple of 'rebels' who are friends of hers playing up at school currently, for which the school believe is year 9 blues..

This in abundance
You are being an extremely pushy parent OP which is very detrimental

Perhaps she is just comparing herself against peers and lacking confidence?

As other have said, having strong reasoning skills is important, however to be successful at GCSE and A-level you also require other skills, revision skills, memorising content (keywords), techniques for answering questions (structure), and softer skills like resilience to cope with the pressures.

These are all skills she will learn.

No-one is suggesting she isn't capable of 7s, or even 9s, across the board. That isn't the issue. The problem is that she either doesn't think she is capable, or for some other reason doesn't want you to think that she's capable of that.
You need to stop comparing her to other people, stop being cross with people here who are trying to help and focus on what's actually going on with your daughter.

However, I think children that have been brought up in a economically very comfortable stable backgrounds with Prep schools from 4 -11 have a unsigned written contract. This, to at least achieve academically in similarity to their peer group they have been placed with. This especially being true if no issues such as physical or mental disabilities have presented themselves.

This is a terrible concept. They are a child, who had no say where they are placed at 4 years of age. It wasn't a choice for them, you decided to place them there, that's on you OP.

Your children have a responsibility to themselves to do the best they can, not a responsibility or 'contract' with you. Motivation has to be intrinsic to truly succeed.

As I tell my daughter when she moans about doing her 11+ homework, its her choice and her consequences, it doesnt actually affect me, she doesn't have an responsibility to me to do anything beyond treat me respectfully. She has to make a choice for herself if she wants to go to Grammar and to put the work in to get there.

It does sound as though Grammar probably isn't the right setting for your daughter, and that the pressure had squashed her confidence.

As parents we can provide the best conditions for success, such as emotional support, a quiet place to study etc, but we cannot chose it for them, or ask it from them.

My parents regularly moan that they paid for private school for my brother and he is now working in a minimum wage job. But I tell them that was a choice they made, with all the best intentions, but still their choice.

she doesn't have an responsibility to me to do anything beyond treat me respectfully.

Agree, And I think any other view is actually emotional manipulation.

People get very envious of dc from wealthy families, with independent education etc but they can, in fact, fall victim to a lot of this type of manipulation and abuse and guilt tripping: "But we've given you sooooo many opportunities."

And this won't be a popular comment with all, but it is why I feel some of the judgment of Prince Harry and Brooklyn Beckham on these threads is a bit off. Children get the start in life they are given: that might make them lucky on some views, it might even make things harder if it is an ostensibly privileged start, but none of them take it on as a contract.

It is completely true. I sent dd1 to a private school for years 10 and 11 and a lot of the parents seemed to expect top grades because they’d paid school fees.

Very good post, and I agree that the idea children somehow ‘owe’ their parents academic success — perhaps proportional to what they’ve paid for their schooling — is disgusting.

Your child is not an extension of yourself. At 11 they can make choices about their work ethic and commitment to school. The consequences of those choices are on them. It is our job to support, facilitate and encourage.

Thats it.