DH constantly working on paternity leave

[Crawdadsunite]

AIBU to resent this? DH has got extended leave as I’ve given up some maternity leave so he can be off helping me whilst I recover. We have got two other DCs 5 and 2. He is 5 weeks into the 10 weeks and has so far spend the equivalent of about 5 or 6 working days, working? He isn’t logging them as KIT days as ‘oh it won’t get signed off and it’s extra work not essential’. So there’s no benefit to the family whatsoever. Yes he helps with the older DC and he’s mainly working when they’re at school and nursery, but it’s driving me nuts as he could be using that time to help clean or tidy or just spend time with us?

I had a difficult birth and recovery. I still need more surgery due to complications. Ive not been very mobile for a while. I’ve had quite a few hospital appointments and last week had to come home on the train from one (took 2 hours door to door inc bus from hospital to station and walk home) because he had agreed to join a teams calls in the afternoon?

AIBU about this?

YABU about he doing a bit of work whilst off to keep things ticking over if it really is 1 day per week (ish).

YANBU about being apoplectic that he allowed you to get a two hour journey home from the hospital though!!

Agree with this I’d have gone nuclear re the travel

You are absolutely not being unreasonable.
I could understand maybe an hour a week to keep on top of emails or something but he is on Paternity Leave.... a protected leave! It doesn't matter if the older kids are in school, he could be meal prepping, cleaning, getting you to & from appointments, feeding and changing the baby while you get some rest.

By the time he goes back, he will have done about 2 weeks work whilst on Paternity leave. Why?

Id have the new patio laid by now. He is on leave. He is being unreasonable. His work is being unreasonable (and quite possibly breaking a law around contact while on leave but I cba googling that just now).

He’s being totally unreasonable. He’d rather work for free than be there for his wife and child!?

YANBU but how are you putting up with it? The train back from the hospital/teams call thing is absolutely insane!

If it was signing a few documents off or checking emails occasionally I’d say it’s ok but prioritising work over taking you to hospital is unforgivable

He doesn’t have to be doing this Im not sure his work are even aware sometimes? As he is involved in different projects not everyone would necessarily knows he’s on leave. Regardless he doesn’t have any boundaries and can’t say no but it means we are coming last.

I’d be fuming - you’ve given up some of your precious maternity leave so he can be at home helping more and he’s working.

It totally depends on what his job is and whether there is an expectation that he will give a little help while he is off.

Not exactly father of the year.

Yep

20% of the working week is not a little... and if he had agreed to help like this then he should be getting the time back.

I would lose me shit tbh.

He is BU

his work place is BU

so sorry you aren’t getting the support you need

he's an arsehole

If he was taking it as a proper KIT day I would understand a bit more but it feels like he’s using it as an excuse to get out of helping? Plus if there’s a task that might take someone else 10 mins it takes him hours. Like checking a document with a few pages.

BTW he’s not in a particularly high powered role, probably mid management and not a 6 figure salary.

What are you actually expecting him to do? Tell him about the cleaning etc but to be honest there are long days to fill, doesn’t take two of you to look after a newborn, he’s probably very bored.

Am I right in thinking that his work place are breaking the law? He is on paternity leave

I personally feel like the issue is deeper than him logging on to a teams call or doing paperwork whilst supposedly being on paternity leave.

I feel like some woman have kids with their partner and, all of a sudden their once was great DH turns into lazy, respectful dad.

He went on a teams call, for free, not earning any money from it whilst his newly postpartum wife has had to get a 2 hour bus and train home from the hospital. I’m assuming as soon as you need a bit of help with baby or around the home it’s “oh I’m just going to check my emails…” this is how it begins.

Suddenly you’re 6 months down the line, DH is working over time to avoid bedtimes and you’re doing EVERYTHING whilst he’s back to his old life.

YANBU.

I've been there. Just before DC2's birth, exDP announced that he was going to use his 2 weeks off work after the birth to do DIY.

He also called me a "wet blanket" when about a week after DC2's birth, I refused to go to a shopping mall.

Note the 'ex'.

I was thinking that. I know he’s on paternity leave but surely you are both entitled to spend the equivalent of a day a week doing something that isn’t 100% baby or housework related. Have you watched tv or read a book in the last month and a half op? At least he’s doing something productive

We have a lot of DIY to do around the house I would love it if he used the time to do this! There’s grocery shopping, washing, meal prep etc. When I say I have had a difficult recovery, I haven’t been able to move around at all until comfortably until recently as I’ve had a long term bladder catheter.

This.

The not taking you to the appointment is appalling, but it doesn't take two people all day to look after a baby and keep things ticking over in terms of household tasks.
Dipping in and out of work projects makes a lot of sense in a lot of roles if you are going to be off work for weeks.

Tell him if he doesn’t stop working, he might as well go back to work properly and you can have longer off. He can’t have it both ways. (Im not sure if you can do that but he might not know 😆)

Not only is he on paternity leave but he's taking some of YOUR precious leave off you.

I'd be livid even before the journey from the hospital.

To those saying he's probably bored, does your partner always have to be doing something? Mine would happily snuggle up with me and the baby and chat/watch box sets, if there was nothing more pressing needing done.