I squirted my hungover husband in the face with water

[Hormonallyblessed]

Im 8 weeks pregnant with DC #3 and really struggling with pregnancy sickness, tiredness and headaches - i agreed my DH could go out last night with work colleagues for his leaving do while i picked up DCs, took them swimming, fed and bathed them and put them to bed (and cleaned up then straight to bed myself).
He got back drunk at 1am and didnt get up in the night when 1 DC fell out of bed and then when the other DC needed covers pulled up then later wet themselves. All this i can deal with.
This morning kids wanted to get up at 6am and DH completely refused to get up. Said he wasnt getting up and to leave him alone. I said no way he had to get up with us as im on the verge of vomiting and he needs to be with us to help. He kept refusing. Kids tried to get him up he refused. Told us to fuck off etc. So I took my Evian water bottle and squirted his face and upper back while he was in bed. This made him sit up (he was furious) but he then lay back down so i squirted him again and said id keep doing it until he got up. He did then get up.
I'm not planning to apologise. Was this unreasonable?!

so Many women clearly in denial blind or desperate to keep a man! That’s it I think! No self respect. Again may be a mn thing hmmmmm

It's actually crazy. They are justifying the pregnant woman doing absolutely everything, dad telling wife and kids to fuck off, but seemingly take issue with water being squirted. I truly despair!

My oh is a counselling psychologist and he sees this a lot from women. They stay with losers as they’re scared of being alone. Scared of being “stuck with the kids” etc

You've clearly never had your delightful, lovely spouse pour water over you to make you get out of bed because they don't want to look after the kids.

I have.

So yeah, i'd take a FO, over being doused in water any day. FO isn't nice, but the water things is cruel and abusive.

I am a divorce solicitor and I have seen this many times. It's really sad. People just accept the bare minimum and don't seem to realise it's totally reasonable to have standards and expect certain things from a partner.

Ok - how about saying it to the kids?

Also to be clear, OP says she 'squirted' water at her DH's back and face, not that she 'doused' him.

I think it depends what was agreed.

Did you agree for him to go out til all hours and then have a free pass in the morning? Or was the agreement that he go out for a short while, but with an acknowledgment that you are feeling very unwell in your pregnancy so unfortunately it would have to be a quiet one? Because you simply can’t manage alone over night and in the morning.

I think agreements do have to be made that specifically when there are kids involved and one parent is temporarily incapacitated (through pregnancy ). It’s not practical to incapacitate the other parent too - avoidably, through alcohol.

I think in these circumstances a late night out and an un disturbed night and morning were things you just couldn’t give. And shouldn’t have been expected.

All that aside, he was wrong to shout and swear. And you were wrong to squirt water at him. So both wrong there.

But I think he was more unreasonable overall.

This. God help us. Mother deals with her kids for a night - hang the flags out. 🙄🙄🙄🙄🤷‍♀️

We’re just preempting rightly what the father must be like since he seems to think it’s ok to say F off the his kids! 🙄

I agree. Hopefully one day this husband will realise that OP's abusive and controlling behaviour is not normal and he finds the courage to leave.

Hahahahaha
If you actually think squirting water on someone is worse than telling your wife and kids to fuck off (notwithstanding his selfish behaviour), I feel sorry for you.

THIS

I’ve been on my own for over quarter of a century since I didn’t put up with bad behaviour from then DH. I would still say the DH was reasonable not to want to get up at 6 in this instance, that he was unreasonable to swear but she was unreasonable to spray water too.

Squirting someone with water while they are sleeping and then continuing to do it until they get up. That is far worse than a 'fuck off'. It is controlling.

If he was doing it to her, you would not be siding with him. No wonder people think we are all man haters.

I feel sorry your partner.

Who knows what other abuse he gets behind closed doors....! :)

Do you think domestic abuse is funny @dadtoateen ?

anyone willing to pour water over their spouse to get what they want is probably also abusive in other ways.

You going to be ok if she starts doing it to her children when they don't want to get up for school? Or is it only excusable when done to a sleeping partner?

Hahaha
he’s happy don’t worry !
i don’t squirt him with water though (I have said in a PP I didn’t think that was ok but DH’s behaviour was worse)

It's called sarcasm, apologies, I didn't realise that's not allowed.

And to answer your question, seeing as I was a victim of domestic abuse by a woman, yes a WOMAN i find your comment hurtful, so no, I do NOT find any sort of abuse funny.

Hence why I feel the OP did abuse the hubby

I wouldn't be surprised if there was gaslighting from the OP too. The agreeing to DH going out to celebrate and then changing the conditions at 6am when he'd not had much sleep.

No idea why you keep referring to OP 'pouring' and 'dowsing' water on her DH? Were you there? The only description of the event we have is from OP who says she squirted him.

Regardless, are you going to be ok when DH verbally abuses his kids when they don't want to get up for school, or is it only excusable when done to children who want to play with their dad and a pregnant wife who has handled all of the childcare responsibilities and the evening before/overnight?

What are your thoughts on him telling wife and kids to fuck off?

I recognise my mother in the OP. A big song and dance about her doing normal parenting things, and then finding a way to make her husband into the bad guy because she'd had to do it.

Someone who loved their partner would be fully prepared to pick up their slack after their work leaving do. That way there'd have been no fuck offs. It's not like OP was bothered about the children being affected by his reaction anyway, because she then escalated the situation.

She "squirted his face and upper back" with a bottle of Evian water - go get one and try it - yes, she 'doused' him. You can't squirt those without giving a dousing. It's not a water pistol.

Of course OP either won't be back, or will drip feed her husband is routinely abusive and drunk. Which would make one wonder why she got pregnant by him again.

There are plenty of divorce lawyers and psychologists who cannot see abuse when it stares them in the face - for instance via signs within the original post which PPs have picked up on. But few people who've been abused in adulthood and seen abuse through their childhood will miss it.

I am a solicitor well versed in abuse both professionally and personally. My dad was just like DH in OP's story: selfish and swearing at us all (me, mum, siblings). That's why I say I wouldn't put up with this behaviour from a man. I am NC with my dad now, so are my siblings. Please don't make assumptions that people haven't experienced abuse.

you're so biased by your experience you cant see that the op is the one being abusive. So he told them to FO.. that was after she'd tried to wake him and he'd asked to be left alone, so she set the kids on him to continue to ignore what he'd said, and force him to get up.. if he said FO to the kids, that's her fault for weaponising them in her controlling and trying to force him out of bed.

To then 'squirt' water over his back and face, and tell him if he didn't get up she'd continue to do it until he did is abusive.

The fact you can't see that, and you continue to defend her behaviour and focus on his single 'fuck off' over and above her persistent and repetitive controlling behaviour and physical abuse is disgusting for someone who claims to be a 'divorce lawyer'