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AIBU?

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Original poster

I squirted my hungover husband in the face with water

548 replies

Hormonallyblessed · 30/01/2026 09:32

Im 8 weeks pregnant with DC #3 and really struggling with pregnancy sickness, tiredness and headaches - i agreed my DH could go out last night with work colleagues for his leaving do while i picked up DCs, took them swimming, fed and bathed them and put them to bed (and cleaned up then straight to bed myself).
He got back drunk at 1am and didnt get up in the night when 1 DC fell out of bed and then when the other DC needed covers pulled up then later wet themselves. All this i can deal with.
This morning kids wanted to get up at 6am and DH completely refused to get up. Said he wasnt getting up and to leave him alone. I said no way he had to get up with us as im on the verge of vomiting and he needs to be with us to help. He kept refusing. Kids tried to get him up he refused. Told us to fuck off etc. So I took my Evian water bottle and squirted his face and upper back while he was in bed. This made him sit up (he was furious) but he then lay back down so i squirted him again and said id keep doing it until he got up. He did then get up.
I'm not planning to apologise. Was this unreasonable?!

OP posts:
tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 30/01/2026 12:35

MotherofPufflings · 30/01/2026 11:56

Those who think it's fine for the OP's husband to stay in bed:

If you yourself went out drinking and your partner had a disturbed night's sleep with children waking, then was up with the kids at 6am and asked for help because he was sick and about to vomit, are you saying that you would stay in bed and leave him to deal with the kids alone?

If my morning sickness was that bad and this was a one off - we don’t know this yet - and something known in advance then we’d either have a conversation to agree an earlier finish to his evening or I’d consider taking the kids to grandparents for a sleep over and maybe go with them.

Im assuming this medical condition and pregnancy are a known thing to both parties so can possibly be factored in to arrangements. Not used as an excuse for shit behaviour by OP when surprisingly DH isn’t with it by 6am

stargirl27 · 30/01/2026 12:35

SirBasil · 30/01/2026 12:34

nah, she "allowed" him to go. Having said that, if she is that controlling she probably also only "allowed" him a couple of shandies.

They had talked about him going out and she had agreed. If she is too short sighted to imagine he might come home a bit drunk, and having got home at 1am that he might not want to get up at 6, and that a drunk/tipsy person is not safe to do the night wake ups, that's on her.

There is zero indication from OP that he isn't usually very hands on.

(also "what she is going through" as pp said is what millions of us "went through" and somehow survived)

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Where are you quoting “allowed” from?

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 30/01/2026 12:36

NobodyAgrees · 30/01/2026 11:05

He went out on his leaving do (which you agreed to), was drinking and didn’t get in til 1am. Of course he wasn’t going to be up dealing with the kids in the night or at 6am to start the day.

If I agreed to my partner going out on his leaving do, I’d know to not expect any input with the children til later today, and we’re all entitled to a night out. If you knew you wouldn’t be able to handle the kids due to pregnancy sickness, then you should have talked about that, and he either didn’t go out, agreed not to drink, get home earlier etc, but it doesn’t sound like you did any of that. You agreed he could go, then acted abusively.

You aren’t the first woman to be pregnant and cope with sickness. You were out of line to do what you did. Obviously he shouldn’t tell you to fuck off, especially for the children to hear, but really what did you expect when you did what you did.

Presuming he is usually a good partner, then you should have just dealt with the children and left him to sleep it off. And if he’s not a good partner, why have another baby? It sounds like a shit show and I feel for the children.

This ^

ScarlettSarah · 30/01/2026 12:37

TheInkIsBlackThePageIsWhite · 30/01/2026 12:34

Your dh thinks that she should have went further with assaulting her husband, and you think he's a decent man?

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Wtf kind of interpretation is that? Honestly this place is mad. I think he meant she should have read him the riot act, and a bit of a spray from a water bottle isn't especially a big deal.

TheInkIsBlackThePageIsWhite · 30/01/2026 12:37

stargirl27 · 30/01/2026 12:34

This is not 'obvious', my partner would never treat me like that, it's completely selfish.

At the end of the day, there were two parents there. Both had disturbed sleep (OP due to getting up for the kids in the night, DH because he chose to stay out late drinking). Both didn't want to get up in the morning (OP as she was pregnant and had morning sickness, DH again) due to his choices. I don't see why OP should be the one picking up the slack!

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It's selfish to have an agreement that one partner is going out to get drunk on their leaving do, and the other takes over parenting for the night and morning?

unbelievablybelievable · 30/01/2026 12:37

Buryedmunds · 30/01/2026 12:33

They’re both in the wrong here! The amount of posters supporting the dh though. No wonder they can get away with shenanigans like this!

Most (if not all) have supported the DH by saying their DH would never expect them to get up in this situation. So it's the wives "getting away with shenanigans like this" not the husbands.

ShawnaMacallister · 30/01/2026 12:38

unbelievablybelievable · 30/01/2026 11:13

Driving hungover IS drink-driving. If you were hungover that you felt you had impaired judgement, you were still over the limit from the alcohol the night before. You drove your 2yo whilst still under the effects of alcohol.

Not even remotely comparable at all to a man that's celebrated his own leaving do and not being ready to get up at 6am (while it's still dark outside).

For starters, one is illegal, the other is not.

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I didn't drive my child hungover and didn't mention driving in my post. You've extrapolated wrongly I assume from the fact I said I collected him.

cardibach · 30/01/2026 12:38

ScarlettSarah · 30/01/2026 12:35

You've not been 'merry' if you're still 'drunk/unsafe' to get up with kids at 6am.

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Who says he was drunk or unsafe at 6am?

PinkPonyClubb · 30/01/2026 12:38

Is this a real post?

I would divorce you. I would never do this to my husband. He had been out. Why would you think he would get up in the middle of the night while still under the influence?

obviously he isn’t getting up after 5 hours sleep.

I’m not sure if this is your normal temperament but you are acting unhinged.

TheInkIsBlackThePageIsWhite · 30/01/2026 12:39

ScarlettSarah · 30/01/2026 12:37

Wtf kind of interpretation is that? Honestly this place is mad. I think he meant she should have read him the riot act, and a bit of a spray from a water bottle isn't especially a big deal.

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Wtf kind of interpretation is that?

Op had already been reading him the riot act and getting the kids to wake him up.

user37597473785 · 30/01/2026 12:40

Unless getting drunk is a regular thing, then yes you’ve overreacted.
If being drunk IS a regular thing then why on earth are you bringing a 3rd child into it.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 30/01/2026 12:40

stargirl27 · 30/01/2026 12:29

No idea why you are assuming any of this and then jumping to random conclusions for it. OP also didn't seem to take issue with DH not waking up in the night? They both felt poorly in the morning, OP because of her pregnancy and DH because he chose to drink a certain amount of alcohol. Why should OP be the one to suffer?

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I’m assuming because as an adult with children if my partner had a pre arranged party (forgive more assumptions) and knew I wasn’t feeling great then again, as adults, we would have a conversation about plans for next am. Also he wouldn’t need me to agree for him to go out. That’s weird.

Also odd that you think what I’ve suggested is random conclusions? I mean it’s hardly left field?

I guess more context from OP any help

ShawnaMacallister · 30/01/2026 12:40

HorrorAndHaagenDazs · 30/01/2026 11:19

It is very plainly considered assault. I really dont know why you're having to argue this when it can be so easily googled.

This is the first thing that comes to mind on the subject of throwing liquid at people - https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c5ywp7lgwvro

Its batshit to think that assaults dont range in severity, of course they do.

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I think that poster has thrown liquid at people before and isn't prepared to accept it's both abusive and illegal

SirBasil · 30/01/2026 12:40

stargirl27 · 30/01/2026 12:35

Where are you quoting “allowed” from?

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i'm not quoting, that is scare quotes. I could have used bold. You can use a thesarus?

from the OP i agreed my DH could go out last night

ETA.
TBH, the OP was a bit silly not anticipating - presumably she has been pregnant with a young child once before so she knows the drill
She was an utter arse sending the kids in (if she did) and a double arse for the water
DH was a bit of a twat swearing at the kids. Swearing as a reaction to having water chucked at you?? meh. She asked for that, tbh.

2nd edit: i may have got the swearing and the squirting the wrong way round. Swearing at being woken on 5 hours sleep - meh.

5128gap · 30/01/2026 12:40

cardibach · 30/01/2026 12:23

You’ve got this a bit backwards. He was verbally abusive after the water. Not ideal, but I think I might be tempted to say fuck off to someone who sprayed me in the face with water when I’d only been in bed 5 hours. The OP hasn’t really said he was hungover, just that he came in ‘drunk’ which could mean anything from a bit happy to completely incapable.

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Nope. Check again. He told her (well 'us' actually, so OP AND his children) to fuck off, 'so' she squirted him with water.

PinkPonyClubb · 30/01/2026 12:41

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 30/01/2026 12:36

This ^

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Another… this^

hearsayshesay · 30/01/2026 12:41

THIS IS ABUSE!

KimTheresPeopleThatAreDying · 30/01/2026 12:42

I get your frustration but this wasn’t ok.

tellmewhenthespaceshiplandscoz · 30/01/2026 12:43

I’m off out tomorrow afternoon/evening. I can’t drink much but will likely be tipsy and sleepy when I get home. And will sleep like the dead.

DH will cover the morning shift as will I next time he goes out too.

Its called a partnership.

ScarlettSarah · 30/01/2026 12:44

Honestly, all the sympathy for the poor drunk/hungover man who couldn't be bothered to get up with his kids and left it all to his pregnant wife while she was feeling unwell.

He must have been terrified, getting sprayed with that Evian bottle.

And for those comparing, we all know it's different to e.g. a PP whose male partner was abusing her and soaked her bed in water. The power imbalance between men and women, for starters.

ShawnaMacallister · 30/01/2026 12:44

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 30/01/2026 11:24

Why couldn’t he have got up and helped? All
he has is a hangover and tiredness.

Both of you didn’t behave well here. The swearing is appalling from him to you. The water pouring is abusive and uncalled for. How would you like it if he did this to you?

Is there more to this story re past behaviour?

Have you ever tried to get sense out of a man who's drunk the best part of 20 units of alcohol on a night out and gone to bed 5 hours prior? It's a waste of time.

Owly11 · 30/01/2026 12:46

BrickBiscuit · 30/01/2026 11:05

No, I didn't address the assault. I addressed the point that the request was reasonable. The DH failed to adjust his behaviour to meet the responsibilities resulting from his involvement in creating several pregnancies.

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Totally disagree. In a partnership responsibility is shared and on this occasion they both agreed that op would take on childcare so that her husband could go out. Refusing a reasonable request is not only ok it is absolutely essential to be able to do so in a non coercive relationship. When one partner is being 'permitted' to do things and is 'not permitted' to say no, with punishment to enforce, that is coercive,

outerspacepotato · 30/01/2026 12:46

You agreed he could go out. You were unreasonable to expect him to get up in the night with the kids as he was still under the influence. When you squirted him with water, that's considered assault where I am. So you assaulted him when he wouldn't get up when you wanted him to.

I'd be out of this relationshit if I were him.

Mangelwurzelfortea · 30/01/2026 12:49

Surprised at all the support for the DH. Saying he could go out for the night doesn't excuse him from helping out with the young kids, or his pregnant wife, or getting up in the morning to do all the usual stuff. If he chose to get blind drunk knowing he'd struggle to deal with his responsibilities the next day, that's on him, not her. Why should she have to pick up the slack?

Not nice squirting him with water but it's not like it was hydrochloric acid or in any way harmful. Calling it 'abuse' is a stretch unless it's part of a long pattern of similar behaviour, and we have no way of knowing that.