I squirted my hungover husband in the face with water

[Hormonallyblessed]

Im 8 weeks pregnant with DC #3 and really struggling with pregnancy sickness, tiredness and headaches - i agreed my DH could go out last night with work colleagues for his leaving do while i picked up DCs, took them swimming, fed and bathed them and put them to bed (and cleaned up then straight to bed myself).
He got back drunk at 1am and didnt get up in the night when 1 DC fell out of bed and then when the other DC needed covers pulled up then later wet themselves. All this i can deal with.
This morning kids wanted to get up at 6am and DH completely refused to get up. Said he wasnt getting up and to leave him alone. I said no way he had to get up with us as im on the verge of vomiting and he needs to be with us to help. He kept refusing. Kids tried to get him up he refused. Told us to fuck off etc. So I took my Evian water bottle and squirted his face and upper back while he was in bed. This made him sit up (he was furious) but he then lay back down so i squirted him again and said id keep doing it until he got up. He did then get up.
I'm not planning to apologise. Was this unreasonable?!

If my OH had gone out to a do, I’d assume that the following morning would be down to me anyway. In any case I’d not want someone who’d been out drinking that late to be in charge of children.

With regard to the water, that’s really unreasonable and verging on abusive behaviour. I’d have told you to f**k off too!

Your relationship needs an overhaul before this baby is born.

I don’t think OP will be back as she’s got a bit of a kicking (slightly unfair) on here. Add in 2 under 5s and being early pregnancy too. Unless it’s severe morning sickness though OP should realise that it’s part and parcel of being pregnant, you’re just sick and dealing with the cravings and food making you sick. It’s hardly a bed ridden illness.

My DH wouldn't ask me to get up after a night out before he brought me tea in bed at 9am if we'd already planned that I would be OOA for the night/early morning.

If he was feeling awful, he'd stick a film on for them and doze on the sofa.

Then we'd swap and he'd go lie down for a bit once I was up.

The OP said morning sickness. No mention of HG. Most women work throughout the morning sickness stage unscathed.

Sorry OP I think you were being unreasonable. If my DH is going on a night out, it’s automatically assumed he will get a lie in and I will manage nighttime wake ups with the kids. if I can’t accommodate that for whatever reason (plans, sickness etc) I would make that very clear the night before and it’s up to him to then moderate his drinking, find alternative childcare or not go. He will absolutely do the same for me if I’m going out. I would be furious if my husband tried to wake me up at 6am after a pre planned night out which was agreed in advance.

One of the things that sticks with me as an adult is the memory of my stepdad pouring water on my mum during one of his rants. He was abusive and that was abuse, he wanted her out of bed so he could continue to abuse her but was smart enough not to put his hands on her to do it. Don't minimise the 'squirt' its clearly not a small amount if its coming out of a bottle...

I'm so sorry OP, this really made me giggle!

I think your behaviour is excusable with pregnancy hormones, sleep deprivation and overwhelm with kids.
I think his fuck off and refusal to get up is also excusable, given it sounds like it was his own leaving do and you knew / said it was ok for him to go out.

I'd do the morning with kids and let him rest, apologise then get him to do the afternoon with kids so you can have a rest.

Sending sympathy - pregnancy sickness is awful, and honestly I was an absolute bitch to my DH when I was pregnant because I felt so rotten, but it was so hard, I get it!

You sound a nightmare but no one, and I mean no one is telling my small children to fuck off. I lost all sympathy for him at that point. Outrageous.

🙄 don’t have kids if you struggle to look after them!

This! Yea I have no sympathy either. Can’t believe she allows him to behave like that!
(tell the kids to F off)

Also it sounds like you're having a really rough time OP on here - squirting water isn't abusive ffs. Context is everything, and I think you had a tough weekend and broke!

I remember my gran used to always say, if a man swears at you or those you love, he’s trouble. (It’s a sign of trouble)

Both unreasonable but his being unreasonable and swearing doesn’t mean you get a free pass for your behaviour

You both knew he was going out. He drank plenty, went to bed late and feels awful in the morning. Yes being pregnant can feel awful too but it's not a competition. Have some empathy and think about how you've felt hungover. Why did he need to get up at 6am? If you're already up. If this post was about a man doing this every day and night and being no help I'd have a different response for a one night out to celebrate with work friends it was uncalled for and childish and mean. Being pregnant doesn't give you a right to be any of those things.

So the OP is unreasonable to even ask for help because it's only morning sickness?

If you give her the benefit of the doubt that she really didn't feel well enough to manage the kids, are you still saying if you were the partner in this situation that you'd stay in bed? Because I cannot imagine a situation where my husband was feeling unwell and asking for my help and I would choose to go back to sleep and ignore him.

He only physically attacked her once which is when he was arrested.

But the other abuse like throwing the water was to prove that he had been abusive over a longer period of time and it wasn’t just a one off due to MH etc.

But by your standards that wouldn’t be abusive either.

So you wanted a still drunk man, running on 5hrs sleep (less probably) to get up and be responsible for two small children at 6am?

I'd have told you to fuck off as well. You were absolutely unreasonable.

The moment you agreed to let him go out and celebrate HIS LEAVING DO with his friends, you wrote off him being up to help you the following morning.

You're abusive, and mean.

If I read OP correctly, she's only 8 weeks pregnant, chances are only she and DH know at this point. Her DH presumably had to give notice so leaving do was probably arranged and agreed before she even knew she was pregnant.

Should he have cancelled/made different plans once they knew? Maybe.

Also, while I agree a hangover is definitely "self-inflicted" those saintly posters saying things like "I can't imagine lying in bed while my other half struggled with kids and feeling ill". has either never been hung over or has forgotten what it's like.

This is Mumsnet doncha know, we have standards !!
The two main ones are "It's always the man's fault - DTB" and "how can I indicate my middle class status to everyone"...

Eugh you're a disgrace. Quite why you thought another child was a good idea when this is how you are raising them I have no idea.

I agree! It was too late for that when he rolled in at 1. She squirted him with water out of rage, which is abusive. The whole situation is fucked up. I do have some sympathy as aforementioned XH was also a pisshead. But then I only had one kid with him and then left him, so 🤷🏼‍♀️

One of the examples. Amongst numerous other examples of behaviour that harmed her, frightened her, controlled her and intimidated her I'd assume, given the typical difficulties women have in getting successful prosecution for DV against them.
Do you really believe that the OPs behaviour is comparable to what your friend must have experienced?
I'm guessing she might disagree with you.

You’ve got this a bit backwards. He was verbally abusive after the water. Not ideal, but I think I might be tempted to say fuck off to someone who sprayed me in the face with water when I’d only been in bed 5 hours. The OP hasn’t really said he was hungover, just that he came in ‘drunk’ which could mean anything from a bit happy to completely incapable.

Unless either of us was so ill we needed medical intervention, we wouldn't be asking at 6am after a promised lie-in. We'd suck it up for a couple of hours then swap.

He told her (and the kids) to fuck off and then she squirted the water.