I squirted my hungover husband in the face with water

[Hormonallyblessed]

Im 8 weeks pregnant with DC #3 and really struggling with pregnancy sickness, tiredness and headaches - i agreed my DH could go out last night with work colleagues for his leaving do while i picked up DCs, took them swimming, fed and bathed them and put them to bed (and cleaned up then straight to bed myself).
He got back drunk at 1am and didnt get up in the night when 1 DC fell out of bed and then when the other DC needed covers pulled up then later wet themselves. All this i can deal with.
This morning kids wanted to get up at 6am and DH completely refused to get up. Said he wasnt getting up and to leave him alone. I said no way he had to get up with us as im on the verge of vomiting and he needs to be with us to help. He kept refusing. Kids tried to get him up he refused. Told us to fuck off etc. So I took my Evian water bottle and squirted his face and upper back while he was in bed. This made him sit up (he was furious) but he then lay back down so i squirted him again and said id keep doing it until he got up. He did then get up.
I'm not planning to apologise. Was this unreasonable?!

No matter how much of a dick he might be/have been, it's NOT OK, and it's abusive behaviour, and (in consideration with any other behaviour or precedents) could be deemed as an assault.

Thank you!! 👏🏻

nope, but at times during our 15 year relationship I've gone out while he's not been 100%, he's gone out when I was pregnant.

My opinion still stands - If he got home at 1am and the kids woke at 6am I'd bundle them downstairs and lounge on the sofa with a movie until 8/9ish. Then tell him its time to swap and go have a nap myself. Mutual respect in a relationship goes a really really long way.

A verbally abusive hungover man who won't step up to share responsibility when you're feeling ill would be enough to make a lot of us lose our temper. The water squirting was not the best way to resolve the situation obviously, but I'd be extremely surprised if it caused him to be intimidated, fearful or indeed anything more than aannoyed.
Whenever a woman behaves less than perfectly in an argument with a man, people scurry to call her 'abusive'. It's typically hyperbole and tends to distract from the underlying issue of the man's behaviour.
So, to return to that, what matters really is how your relationship is overall. Is there a pattern where you feel he drinks too much or otherwise fails to step up? Does he make a habit of refusing to help when you're ill? Of swearing at you? Do you find yourself being very irritated with him on a regular basis?

Perhaps you should re-read the OP.

She had allowed him to go out for the leavers do - that usually means the night and morning after.

It’s extremely irresponsible and on the verge of negligence to expect someone who has been drinking and had less than 5 hours sleep to be in charge of young kids.
As a PP said, she crashed her car the day after and could have killed her own child.

6am is not the ‘day shift’.
If this was 9am then she’d have a right to be annoyed (no excuse for abuse still) but I would not be happy if my DH allowed me to go out and then expected me to be up at 6am.

I think it’s quite shocking that you’d be ok with him throwing water over her because she won’t get out of bed at 6am.

You’re bringing another baby into this idyllic relationship?
BTW all the things you listed you did are normal family things you do after school with kids. Surely he’d normally be at work? Do you work ?

He sounds useless and it sounds like you’re at your wits end

you need a frank conversation. When fhe emotions are not running high

Let's be real, nobody 'wants' to get up at 6am with kids. OP is pregnant, ill, and had to get up with them a couple of times in the night already. She was tired also.

I'm not sure why he's getting a free pass here. He's still a parent.

This. And for the contrarian posters, of course it qualifies as assault. Likely wouldn't proceed, due to context, but you can't flippantly dismiss it

Imagine if the tables were turned. You behaved horribly

If he went out straight from work, i think 1am is ridiculous

when you have young kids and another coming, the big nights with 1am finishes are on hold!

unless the kids are staying out with grandparents

You sound vile! He went out with your approval, but you expect him to be up so early? Surely you just let him sleep it off for a few more hours? And 8 weeks? Christ on a bike you (or him!) have a long few months ahead of you. Apologise to him and your kids.

I completely get where you are coming from. I’ve just had baby number 3 and had HG during pregnancy so I completely get how you are feeling. I don’t agree with squirting water on him (although I can’t say the thought hadn’t crossed my mind at times). But I strongly doubt he’s feeling worse than you are in that situation and his is self inflicted. I fully believe that if he’s going out with 2 children and a pregnant partner, who he knows is going to feel ill in the morning too, it’s his responsibility to only drink enough to get up in the morning and help! You’ve got at least 9 months of not drinking so the least he can do is drink moderately so he can get up in the morning!

Squirting a bit of Evian is not abuse guys. I don’t condone it but he wasn’t injured or hurt.

Poor OP sounds like she’s on the edge

So you "let" (ugh) him go out, then complained / got angry when he came back drunk and didn't get up at 6am, then attacked him when he continued to not get up? (let's face it, if a man did this to a woman, it would be called an attack / assault).

I don't know why you led with "I'm pregnant". Is that supposed to be an excuse?

This was not OK. You were completely unreasonable.

Yours was an absolutely perfect response to his abusive, shit behaviour.

10/10.

You told him he could go for a night out drinking. Of course he is not getting up at 6am. If I agreed with my H I could have a night out, I would not be bloody expecting him to wake me up at 6am to start daily chores.

Its a given that if you agree a partner has a night out drinking, then they get a bloody lie in.

YABVU

When my friends ex was arrested for DV, throwing water at her was used in court as one of the examples of abuse she’d suffered.

So I’m guessing the law would disagree with you.

The expectation that he'd be up early after his own leaving do is unreasonable tbh.

And as for you skooshing him with water, unsurprisingly he wouldn't be happy. An apology from you is in order.

Ugh my stepdad used to do that to me in the mornings if I wanted to lay in. It's abusive IMO.
Though your DH should help out more.

Those who think it's fine for the OP's husband to stay in bed:

If you yourself went out drinking and your partner had a disturbed night's sleep with children waking, then was up with the kids at 6am and asked for help because he was sick and about to vomit, are you saying that you would stay in bed and leave him to deal with the kids alone?

'One of the examples'

One would imagine that there were far more damaging examples than this of DV.

You are being unreasonable and childish.

You "agreed" he could go out to his own leaving do, that was big of you...

He came home worse for wear at 01.00 and you expect him to be competent enough to get up after a couple of hours to deal with the children during the night, that's totally unreasonable. (You're aware there's a thread about a husband dropping the baby whilst still drunk....)

You saw fit to repeatedly squirt water on him, shortly after 06.00 to encourage him to get up after sending the children in to him to wake up, this fails and you wonder why he told you to fuck off but you continue to squirt water on him until he gets up...good grief love... I think you should be planning on apologising. You being 8 weeks pregnant and mother of two toddlers doesn't excuse your behaviour. He'd have been better to stay in a travel lodge for the night.

I'd tell you to fuck off as well @Hormonallyblessed if you were squirting water at me when i was in bed.

Look - unless there is a huge backstory and you come back and tell us that he does nothing to help with the kids, always out with his mates drinking etc etc then you are being unreasonable. That being said, even if that were the case I'd still say you were unreasonable, as you've gone on to have another child with him.

That's obviously not a helpful comment.. so I'd apologise to him for how you reacted. Then find a time to talk to him about how rough you're feeling in the pregnancy and try and agree an approach that will help share the childcare burden to help you manage.

Sorry I’m slightly giggling at OP using her Evian water bottle to throw water. Not a reusable water bottle?! Not highland spring?! Not Aldi or Lidl’s water? 😱🤣