DH doesn’t want to look after both children at the same time…

[SarahScone]

We have one DS14months together and DH has a DD9 from a previous relationship. She is with us half the time.
On the rare occasion that I want to go out for the night/evening with friends, DH makes it awkward as says he would prefer me to go on nights we don’t have his DD as it is ‘not fair on her’… Frequency wise, we’re talking once every three-four months if that.
I really don’t want to ask my friends to rearrange on this basis (although they probably would).
AIBU to think DH can look after both his children for an evening (and maybe (big maybe) an overnight, on his own?

Yes of course he can, he’s being ridiculous

Of course he can, he’s being completely unreasonable. Do you have them both on your own? I’m guessing you do.

Tell him to get a grip. That’s absolutely ridiculous. I wouldn’t have even taken this seriously. What’s not fair on his child?!

Of course it’s easier when another adult shares the load, we all get that. But, compromise is part of being in a relationship. You’re not asking for the moon Op, seems totally reasonable to me. Being a blended family is irrelevant really; sometimes dad is on his own, sometimes mum is on her own…it’s the same for all families. Not like you’re going out every weekend.

Of course he bloody can - manipulative bastard!

If he never wanted to look after more than one child, why did he have more than one child?

He’s being ridiculous. Most fathers or 2, look after both kids 🙄

What's unfair on the 9 year old?

He's being a bit pathetic. Don't pander to him OP!

What a load of rubbish! It’ll be nice for his Dd to occasionally spend time with her sibling and Dad without you around! Just ignore him he’s being ridiculous.

Maybe having a second child wasn’t well thought out if he’s not up for caring for them. He should be able to parent his kids without someone else being there all the time to assist.

Frankly I think he needs to be spending a lot more time with his kids. You need to be doing more things outside the home that means he’s learning how to parent his kids through both fun things and less fun things.

Ridiculous. Why on earth did he have another child if he didn’t think he could look after both of them together?

I suppose he would say it means his dd doesn’t get his undivided attention that day. But it does mean she gets time to spend with her dad and her sibling. Swings and roundabouts!

Which is what happens to every child who has siblings!

He's being ridiculous. If it's an issue for him he should have thought about that before deciding to have a second child. Keep putting your foot down.

So would he rather you book a sitter for your child while he is also in the house? I wouldn’t allow him to decide when you can go out especially when it’s a rare event.

I would find such incompetence deeply unattractive.

He’s modelling very poor behaviour to his daughter. Does he want to normalise incompetent partners/fathers to her?

That made me laugh, honestly where do you find these men?

Of course he can. Most 9 year olds are pretty self sufficient anyway, it's absolutely ridiculous he can't look after them both. I have a baby and a 3 year old and my husband has had them both on his own on numerous occasions on his own without any complaint because he's a parent and that's what parents do.

I mean, who does? I find just one of my children on their own easier than both of them together. So much so that I take them on holiday separately! But doesn’t mean I don’t have to get them both to bed on my own sometimes when Dh is away. Of course, I do.

If it’s quality time with his dd he’s after, why not offer for her to stay an extra night so he gets 2 nights with her instead of just one? Best of both worlds. I’m sure her mum would love an extra night to herself.

Well it sounds like he needs the practice so you should definitely go out more 😊

Boofuckinghoo. If he can hold down a job he can take care of 2 kids, the prick.

Go out, but make sure you turn your phone off. Weaponised incompetence is deeply unattractive in a man.

if DH is old enough to make babies then he’s old enough to parent them too

Are you his equal partner who is free to make decisions about when you go out or are you in a controlling relationship with a man who thinks he has the right to tell you when it's 'appropriate to go out' or not sees you primarily as his live in child care.

1. you don't need his approval for your social life.
2. it's his own fucking child who might actually like to spend some time alone with her dad

He's in Ick Waters.

His older daughter is a nuisance to him. She will pick up on it.

Yes of course he should! I had a similar age gap (2 different Dad's) and my DP would have looked after both DC at the same age if I asked him to, even though one wasn't his. And I certainly looked after them both.

It might also be nice for his DD to spend time as a little 3 with her sibling and Dad. Does 14 month old need a lot of settling/putting to bed time and he feels 9 yo would miss out on time with him? How are things split between you and DH on the days that he currently has his DD - does he not do anything for the younger one then?