AIBU? DH failed to mention that our baby name choice is the same as one of his exes

[Toothfairy92]

We are expecting a baby girl in the next few weeks and have had a name - Laura - picked out for a couple of months. I suggested the name initially and we both agreed we liked it. It’s remained our top pick since then.

Last night we were chatting in the car and it emerges that he had a girlfriend called Laura for a “few months” about ten years ago, in his mid-twenties. It came up because I said I was glad that it was less commonly used these days, and he said he’d known a few at school, oh and he’d dated one for a bit.

Personally, I think it’s inappropriate and a bit weird to use a baby name that is shared with an ex girlfriend, even a short term one. I think I’d be really icked out calling a child a name of someone I’d been with!

I feel sad and frustrated that I’m back to the drawing board on names; and that I’d built up my bond with this baby using the name in my head. He says it just didn’t cross his mind until we talked in more detail about it last night, and doesn’t see the problem with using it. He thinks I’m BU to be a bit upset and to think it’s inappropriate. Am I?

My own (late 30s) daughters' year groups at school seemed to be full of Lauras! I think it's a lovely name and deserves to come back.
And yes, the odds are pretty high of a bloke of that generation having dated a Laura.

I'd stick with it. If she'd meant anything to him he'd have vetoed the name.

YABU because you suggested it in the first place - if he had brought it up and was really keen it might be slightly suspicious that he was thinking of his ex, but not otherwise.
Also, it does seem to be a recognised thing that most men when coming up with girls names will basically list people they fancied at school first...it isn't about honouring or remembering that specific girl, just that those names have positive associations in their mind.

I have the same name as a woman my father dated briefly at a time when he and mum had split up. Believe he suggested it, among other names, when mum was pregnant, 5 years or so after the break up/other relationship, and mum really liked the name.

Remembered something similar. Think yourself lucky OP, I know someone who named their baby daughter the same name as the Woman that he was having an affair with, throughout TTC, the pregnancy and the first 2 years of the child’s life. In THAT case, he was being VVVVVVU for all manner of reasons.

Fair enough it might have been his poor unknowing Wife’s frontrunner name but surely he could have come up with a reason it was a hard no for him.

Oh god I’ve just read the previous few posts. @MikeRafoneI can’t believe there’s two of the twats walking the earth!

Ah! I think you are overreacting OP. I’d understand if it was someone he had a long term relationship with and they planned to get engaged or something… but a short term thing 10 years ago is definitely no reason to veto the name.

He probably didn’t think to mention it because it is so irrelevant.

Huge overreaction and overly sensitive

I gave my daughter the same name as the woman my ex fiance had run off with! I'm not sure if I thought about it at the time, but It was a common name and I did know a couple of nice ones.

With all due respect the name is Laura. I can see why he didn’t mention it, it’s a very common, run of the mill name from the 80s / 90s. If I think about it, I know about 4, but I don’t automatically think of those girls when I hear the name because it’s just so common.

If you wanted to call the baby Larissa, I could understand why he would leap to think of his ex girlfriend.

Whoever said it's an 80's name is bang on, but as for the ex, that's ridiculous.

Yikes. I’m sure I used to date someone with my son’s name. I can’t be sure, but I think it was his name. It was so long ago it’s completely irrelevant and of no meaning whatsoever, so yes, YABU!

He told you and didn’t keep quiet to keep the peace etc , bless him for telling you now !!! Xx move on enjoy picking a lovely new name xx all the best

If we were doing away with exs names, my son would have been in real trouble.

Sorry OP but you’re being ridiculous. I’m in my 40s and know a fair few Lauras. Not too keen on it myself - how about Lara?

Question out of genuine curiosity: did you think about the association with your ex whilst you were deciding, or were you able to separate it mentally?

My first boyfriend gave his daughter my name, he contacted me jokingly telling me I would have to change my name (it's not very common). My brothers thought it was weird, but we broke up 26 years ago and never slept together (teen romance). We have been friends since, but only speak once or twice a year and meet up every few years. I also suspect that it was less an important relationship for him, as he was a lot more experienced and did seem to bounce back pretty quickly. I think after a certain amount of time you sort of forget you used to date someone - it feels like a lifetime ago.

I was in 2 year relationship with someone with the same name as my oldest son.
I'd chosen it as my favourite name since I was a teenager and knew I would name my son that if I had one. So my first thought when the relationship ended was 'Oh good, I can use that name for my future child again now!'

I think you'd be hard pressed to find a millennial who didn't date a Laura, a Jennifer or a Claire. It doesn't sound like this Laura is the love of his life or something.

Laura is an awesome name

Lauren is nicer than Lara imo @op

Sorry this is obsessive weird behaviour.

If he'd been married to Laura or she was the love of his life before you, then OK.

But she was a girlfriend years ago who wasn't very important in his life.

It's up to you if you make it a problem.

I think Yanbu as you feel how you feel. Maybe he could have mentioned it sooner which could be the real issue. Would you change it to a similar sounding name. My ex dh had a friend with the same name to our dc he promised me friends name was never shortened. I didn’t like the short version. Bumped into friend he called them the short version. So he wasn’t honest but it’s never been an issue the name has stayed the long version. I think go with what you like.

I don't care what anyone says, calling your daughter the same name as someone you used to have sex with is fucking weird.
It just is. Ewwww.

This is, honestly, the 'ick' of it for me. Going back to my prior fake example - if I had an ex called Daniel and loved the name, I just couldn't imagine naming a tiny baby the name of someone I used to shag!

I think it depends on the name and the length of the relationship.

Went out with Paul for one week? Given the eleventy million James, Simons, Andrews, Pauls etc in existence, it wouldn't be my first thought whenever I thought of the name and would be fair game for my son. However if I went out with Paul for two years, then that might give me pause for thought. Went out with Ignatius or Horatio or Amadeus for one week? Given the fact I probably won't have come across another one, then I would rule it out - unless I really really loved the name.