AIBU? DH failed to mention that our baby name choice is the same as one of his exes

[Toothfairy92]

We are expecting a baby girl in the next few weeks and have had a name - Laura - picked out for a couple of months. I suggested the name initially and we both agreed we liked it. It’s remained our top pick since then.

Last night we were chatting in the car and it emerges that he had a girlfriend called Laura for a “few months” about ten years ago, in his mid-twenties. It came up because I said I was glad that it was less commonly used these days, and he said he’d known a few at school, oh and he’d dated one for a bit.

Personally, I think it’s inappropriate and a bit weird to use a baby name that is shared with an ex girlfriend, even a short term one. I think I’d be really icked out calling a child a name of someone I’d been with!

I feel sad and frustrated that I’m back to the drawing board on names; and that I’d built up my bond with this baby using the name in my head. He says it just didn’t cross his mind until we talked in more detail about it last night, and doesn’t see the problem with using it. He thinks I’m BU to be a bit upset and to think it’s inappropriate. Am I?

Someone I was involved with many many years ago who ended up giving me a black eye has given his daughter my name as her middle name. What a strange thing to do

So you really assume you're the only person with that name he ever knew? Ever thought the middle name is after another person? Or the mother perhaps named it after her grandmother or something?

I loved my ex's ex gf's name. We discussed using it as I wanted to. He said he was 100% over her and was fine to use the name (it was 10 years later). We used the name. He had an affair with her and told her our DD was named after her.

That’s possible of course but he’d know full well that was also my name. Maybe I’m overthinking x

Guessing from your username you’re a year older than me so early 30s. My year at school was awash with Laura’s and Lauren’s. So many names that have now gone to die, DH and I were discussing it the other day. Sarah, Bethany, Gemma, Jessica, Jordan, Mark, Joshua, Samuel even…

Then some names never leave and are just utterly timeless. Still hear Emily being used as well as names like Matthew, James, Edward.

I know someone with this name, and I like the name so thought I would suggest it. You may be surprised to hear that the Great British public seem to have coped with her name just fine!
I agree with PP that using Laura would be fine, but sounds like OP isn't keen to use it now.

I'm on the fence as he's probably forgot about the person from years ago he dated for a few months but I probably wouldn't use the name now if I'm being honest. I'm possibly biased though as I really don't like the name Laura- it felt like every other person in my school was called that back in the day and it just feels like quite a dated 90s throwback and not in a good way (sorry). Some of the Laura's also weren't pleasant people

Blimey - that is awful, and I'm so sorry that happened to you - I hope you have found happiness and peace since then (And that you only think lovely things about the name of your beautiful daughter!)

Not wanting to use your very real trauma to illustrate a point, and I hope this isn't how this comes across, but I think this is what I mean by baggage. The horror stories you read on MN every day are enough to make me just want to be well clear of any associations that could crop up down the line and cause hurt or harm to anyone, especially a child.

When I told my BFF what I had named my daughter she said "oh yes, you can HAVE that"... (it's her sisters middle name so it meant she owned it...
whatever...

Agreed. I had a mate called Laura who became a copper. I fell out with her because she had an affair with her married sergeant. We were early 20s and he had a child so the whole thing was unethical and didn’t sit right with me. Won’t tell you how I ended up discovering this but I’m a uni lecturer and I taught his daughter. Really weird turn of events.

Sorry, rubbish anecdote but that’s where my brain goes when I hear Laura. Or the Scissor Sisters song which is very good.

He "knew a few at school"

There's a Bat for Lashes song called Laura which is BEAUTIFUL.

Yes, I'm 34. Think of myself now as mid-30s but happy to be reclassified as early 30s 😆

There were, from memory, 2 Lauras in my school year. Both were lovely, smart, happy individuals, so I think that's maybe a subconscious sway to the name too (in the same way as I had a horrible colleague called Beth, and I love Elizabeth as a name, but am put off by that association alone...okay maybe you're all correct and I am nuts!).

I was actually named after one of my father's ex-girlfriends (which has now been downgraded to a crush in school, so I don't even know for sure anymore). It hasn't caused any issues other than I hate the name.

I knew a lovely Lara btw. If you love that, it's a good alternative if you don't want to go with Laura.

Is it not by the Scissor Sisters?

The Laura at my primary school was known as "Picky Nose Laura" because she picked her nose and ate it...

Are you always so rude?

Amazingly there's more than one song called Laura 😉

It's absolutely fine. It was a long time ago. I just wanted to say you're right to think it can bite you on the arse. I generally see wanting to use an ex's name as a sign of unfinished business, and you can't necessarily trust people to be honest about that. Please do what's right for you.

It was more that it's usually the OP proposing the hard-to-spell, hard-to-say name so I though it was funny when someone else did!

Laura is a great name - I'd stick with it!

Laura is a lovely name.
If you both like it, use it.
The old girlfriend might have been a nice person but obviously not the one for your DH.

Laura is a common name. It’s lovely, I know some great Lauras. He will have known/had dates with lots of different people and you’ll never find a name that is unique to your baby. Don’t sweat this.

My friend named her kid Jack. Jack is now 7 and, despite a common enough name, he's the only person I think of when I hear the name Jack. Last year, we went on a girls weekend and, after a few drinks, remembered that said friend had a summer fling with a Jack in her early twenties. I was there when it happened but both of us completely forgot, and my friend didn't think of it all when she was naming her baby. She did tell her husband after we came home and he genuinly doesn't care.

Oooh, you’re hard!

There’s nothing wrong with Laura, OP. I am biased because my sister is Laura and she’s bloody brilliant.

Like the majority, it wouldn’t bother me..in fact, I’m sure my husband had a brief fling when he was a teenager with someone with the same name as our daughter.