To find H's tiredness unattractive

[WhatADump]

Im 41 my husband is 47. We both work full time

He goes to bed at 9pm. He groans all the time. Muttering to himself "God im tired". Farting at night. He complains all the time. Doesn't want to go anywhere. The noises he makes. Hiccuping, muttering, he makes the loudest sounds getting up. He makes the kids get him stuff while h lies on the sofa. I have asked him to see the GP. But I think its psychological. He can stay up till 2am gaming if he wants. He says he just wants the quiet life and "im old just leave me alone". He says i make him feel judged.

I find it all so unattractive. Am I being horrible or unfair? He makes me feel depressed.

Do you both work in similar job types?

I was frustrated at how tired and lethargic my husband was- he’s in his 40’s. We found out he has a tumour on Boxing Day and I feel pretty terrible for getting so cross with him. Get him to the GP for a check.

That’s not normal. He is obviously physically ill and trying to pin it on getting old.
He needs to see the GP and bloating/gas, fatigue, and aches/pains can be minor or very serious.
At the very least he needs a full human MOT.

Im so sorry @Pippa12 thats awful. I really hope your husband is ok.

Mine can stay up till 2am gaming if he chooses to so I very much doubt its medical. But ill keep nagging him to go.

Sounds like he’s in a rut. Does he exercise and eat well?

What is his life like? Is he crazy busy? Being crazy busy would make me too tired.

But if not, then I think he needs to see a doctor

The gaming thing is irrelevant - the adrenaline or whatever stimulation he gets from the game is what keeps him up until 2am. He might have a health problem.

I don't understand what the making noises thing is all about. I worked with someone who seemed to have constant hiccups. That turned into really bad acid reflux and then it turned out she had some other health issues as well that were causing it - but she initially just thought she had a weird problem with hiccups.

editing to add - he might not need an actual doctor's appointment but if he's got things that are making him feel bad, he might need to address them. Like maybe anything in his diet?

GPs see a lot of people who are tired all the time, esp this time of the year, and first step would be bloods for example it could be low vit D or iron.

If he won’t do anything about it I wouldn’t put up with his moaning.

What does he do work wise. If it's hard graft then I'd cut a bit of slack. If he's in an office it would seriously piss me off

Staying up until 2am gaming (passive escapism with disrupted sleep patterns) makes it even more likely something medical is going on, not less likely.

I have a relative with long covid who games at night when they’re in too much pain to sleep and this takes their mind off it.

youre in perimenopause- you hate everything about him now

i’m 43, same boat, apparently it passes if you don’t divorce them first

I will try to get him to the doctor. He tells me he's fine he just is tired and wants to be left alone. My gut instinct is he just doesn't want to bloody do anything and would rather lie on the sofa with his phone asking his kids to make him food. But I will try to stop being so cynical!

I think this has some truth. But why dont I hate my kids/family/friends/colleagues

I have stopped drinking, my job is going well, my kids aren't tiny anymore - I feel happy and keen to do more stuff. Boom holidays. Try new things. My husband is creeping off to bed at 8.30pm some evenings to look at his phone and ignro3 me. Its like we are totally out of whack

When was his last FIT test?

He sounds similar to my ex!
Just a cloud of misery dragging everyone else into his pit of doom.....
It doesn't get any better unfortunately OP. Ask yourself if you can go another 35-40 years living with such negativity which WILL only get progressively worse especially if hes diagnosed with a chronic illness.
I left running and didn't look back. Best live decision i ever made!!!

I wish you would have mentioned if this was new behavior, or long-standing.

Have you told him tartly that it's unattractive? (And unmasculine!) Try telling him that he has a choice between a G.P. or a marriage counselor.

And, hey, start going out at night with friends of your own. Or even by yourself - go to a movie. Or join a group of some kind. And then when you get back, enthuse about how much you enjoyed it.

Why does he keep saying he is old? He's in his 40s! He does need to see the GP, just to have his iron, Vit D, thyroid etc checked.

If he is very indoorsy, his vitamin D levels could be way too low in UK at this time of year. Buy some Vitamin D tablets or spray and encourage him to try them.

My partner can get a lot of hiccups and make noises, it's usually a sign that he's eaten something he's allergic to, usually celery as it's in a lot of things in small amounts. He's also got Barratts oesophagus which doesn't help.

47 isn't that old to be feeling tired all the time and some medical conditions creep up on you slowly so it can seem like it's just aging. He needs a proper check up at the GP and also to look at whether he needs to make some dietary changes. If he needs to take antiacids on a regular basis this can also be a sign of a medical condition needing treatment.

I've got the ick on your behalf

Sorry OP, I got as far as ‘gaming; in your first post and though, here we go again. I may be wrong but I see this so frequently.

Try to get him to a professional but if he won’t grow up, get rid is my suggestion.

Get his bloods checked!

Would you mind explaining what peri menopause is ... im in my sixties and haven't a clue

If he won’t go to the doctor it’s on him

47 isn’t old - mid 80s perhaps

Is he unfit? Thats quite unattractive

Blood test, first thing to do. But good luck getting him to the GP..

Get a hobby or two op and leave him on the sofa