Unnecessary altercation? Dog-walking incident

[BetterWithPockets]

I was walking my dog in the park yesterday when a pug ran over to me and jumped up, getting mud all over my — relatively smart, clean-on-that-morning — jeans. (For reference, yes, the park itself was muddy but — until that point — my jeans weren’t because I was wearing walking boots, and being careful where I walked.)

I complained to the owner, and our exchange went broadly as follows (it’s not verbatim because I can’t remember it word for word — but hopefully you get the gist).

me: your dog just jumped up at me with muddy paws.
her: oh, right.
me (taken aback): it would be normal to apologise at least.
her: it’s not my fault; that’s just what dogs do; I can’t control what my dog does.
me: you can’t control your dog? You don’t think that’s a problem?
her: it’s your fault; you’re inappropriately dressed; you should wear old clothes to walk your dog, like everyone else.
me: it’s my fault your dog jumped up at me?
The conversation carried on in this vein for about another 30 seconds, then she called me a weird woman and we went our separate ways…

Now, I’m pretty sure she was in the wrong/BU, but here’s my AIBU: given that the damage was already done, so to speak, should I have just kept quiet rather than saying anything?

There’s a saying that sometimes it’s better to be kind than right. Swap kind for quiet, and perhaps that’s what I should have done in this instance — rather than doing what she probably saw as me having a go at her (am trying to put myself in her shoes here!). I mean, what was I hoping to achieve? The most I was ever going to get was an apology so, really, what was the point of saying something?

So, was I BU to speak up?
Yes, you should have kept your trap shut: it’s just mud/there was nothing to be gained from saying anything/you effectively picked a fight and she just gave as good as she got, so let that be a lesson to you…
No: she was being an irresponsible dog owner and it’s good you called her out on it.

Am genuinely undecided as to whether or not I was BU, so interested to hear both sides!

YANBU. Bloody dogs, or dog owners I should say

Thank you. I love dogs — and have owned them for years — but I’m aware that not everyone loves them, and I certainly would never let mine jump up at complete strangers!

I have dogs @BetterWithPockets - 4 of them in fact. 3 of them are batshit spaniels.
I would be mortified if they jumped up at someone. Wouldn't care if they looked like they had just done Tough Mudder.
If your dog is off a lead, it's your responsibility to keep them under control.
So you are VVVNU

If my dog had done that to someone I would be profuse in my apologies.

If another dog had done that to me without warning and whilst I was in non dog walking clothes I would be cross but too chicken to say anything as I hate confrontation.

I have a dog. I walk my dog on a lead at all times. Any dog that runs up to people and jumps up at them should be on a lead at all times. I'd be telling her that.

A dog-walking friend has two very gentle, calm rescue greyhounds. Recently, an off-lead labrador charged up to the older, smaller of the two, knocker her down and then proceeded to attack her (fortunately, she was wearing a thick coat which largely prevented the bites injuring her). My friend's dog was terrified and traumatised. The owner was shouting vainly to try to recall her dog - to no effect. If your dog is likely to attack other dogs, it MUST be leashed at all times.

I don't have a dog and am not a dog lover. I hate when dog owners allow their dog to run/jump up at me when Im walking in parks and don't apologise and assume that I wont mind because "he's only playing/a puppy/being friendly". If a dog owner cant control the dog they should'nt have the damn dog

If she can’t control her dog with voice commands then she should use a lead.

Obviously she was being unreasonable in her actions (not controlling her dog, not apologising) but to specifically address your AIBU, no, I don't think it was unreasonable to point out her dog jumped up at you, but you should have walked away after you said "it would be normal to apologise at least". That way you have pointed out her two errors (uncontrolled dog, not apologising) and made her feel awkward which should make her behave differently in the future. The rest of the conversation has just left a bitter taste in your mouth, so was counter-productive.

I agree. I walk several times per day on our canal footpath and dogs that aren't on leads (or on the stupid extendable leads) are a pain in the arse when the owners don't bother controlling them. Not only jumping up with muddy paws or slavering over you, I've nearly fallen over several times by them bounding up to me or being tripped by long leads. I'm certainly not polite to the stupid owners when their dogs do things like that! Even less polite when the pathetic owners try to make out it's the dog's fault - no it's your fault you pillock that you can't be arsed to control your dog!

If she can't control her dog from jumping up at someone she wouldn't be able to stop the dog biting/attacking another dog or child. I'm a dog owner but a lot of dog owners are clueless and inconsiderate and sadly a lot of dogs haven't been properly trained since Covid. If you didn't say anything she would think it's acceptable.

I'd apologise. They shouldn't be leaping up at people, if you can't train them, you shouldn't have them.

Absolutely not unreasonable at all. I am sick to the back teeth of being jumped on by muddy dogs when out walking, it's completely unacceptable. A lot of dog owners seem to have no consideration for the possibility that people may have a phobia of dogs, an allergy to them, or just, you know, not want to get their clean clothes covered in muddy paw prints! The entitlement of some dog owners is breath taking. I wouldn't let my child run up to a stranger and cover them in mud, why is it acceptable for dogs to do this? Up until now, I have tended to let it go, but I won't do this anymore - dog owners need to start being told calmly and clearly that this is unacceptable and they need to control their animals properly in public, or keep them indoors/on a lead/away from other members of the public, and if they can't do that, they shouldn't have a dog

Having owned dogs most of my life, I always wore "dog walking" clothes for that purpose. More often than not in the winter I've come back covered in mud. Personally I don't mind other people's dogs coming up and saying hello and some dogs do jump up. I find smaller ones are more inclined to. This isn't a modern phenomenon. Dogs will want to say hello to other dogs and humans too. But then I just love dogs and animals in general so I don't see it as an endurance and generally I've found that it's a good way to get to know other dog walkers on your regular route. If you get chatting to their dog, you get chatting to them if you see what I mean. Obviously if someone knows their dog is dangerous, then they should 100% keep it on a lead. And dogs shouldn't be jumping up or running over to people without a dog themselves.

YANBU. I wouldn't class a pug as a dog though. They're rats with additional needs!

I don’t think any actual dog lover would choose to have a pug (unless a rescue). Surely if you cared about dogs you’d want one that could breathe?

I go to a parkrun most weekends. There are a couple of dogs there that jump up. No apology no nothing. I’m not so bothered if I’ve got running stuff on but I wear normal clothes for volunteering. The majority of dog owners are fine but some people just shouldn’t be allowed to have them.

That's totally unacceptable. As a toddler my DD was scared of dogs precisely for this reason - there are loads in our local park and while most are brilliant and DD loved them, very occasionally some idiot would let their dog jump up when she was eating a snack or something and as the dog was often bigger than her she would be terrified. One owner even told her off for being scared saying his dog was lovely! Really annoyed me, we had to do a lot of work on her not being scared of dogs thanks to a few occasions like this.

Of course her dog shouldn't have jumped up at you, and of course she should have apologised. You weren't wrong to raise it with her.

But I do think the level of upset you showed in keeping the conversation going (and then brooding on it so that you felt the need to write your post) is maybe a little unreasonable.

Here's my reasoning: We all know that some dogs are badly trained and some owners are unreasonable; we also know that ALL dogs, including our own are capable of misbehaving and causing inconvenience to others as well as embarrassment to ourselves.

We don't want our dog walks to be ruined by stress and anger, so the best attitude to develop for when things go wrong is tolerance, compassion and a sense of humour. That can help us get less stressed and angry when we are the victims of other people's bad behaviour and badly trained dogs. It can also help us when our own dogs do something wrong.

Part of the reason that owners are often unreasonably defensive when their dog misbehaves, and unreasonably unwilling to accept responsibility and apologise, is that they know they are in the wrong and are afraid of the other person's anger. The more we can all be compassionate and understanding, the greater the likelihood that apologies will be readily given.

Personally I never wear clean clothes for dog walking, especially when it's muddy because mud is bound to get on them somewhere. But that's mainly because my dog is a mud magnet. So regardless of what you were wearing it's not your fault her dog ran over and jumped up at you, it shouldn't have been able to run over to you in the first place.

It's out of order that she didn't apologise, 1. for allowing her dog to run over to a stranger and 2. for letting it jump up at you, so I can see why you kept arguing with her. Unfortunately some people just can't be reasoned with and even more unfortunately some of these people own dogs.

Covid is to blame ! Not covid itself but the fact that idiots had too much time on their hands, got fed up with the banana bread bandwagon so jumped on the get a puppy bandwagon. Folk that had no idea how to train and look after dogs but loved having selfies with them went out and bought one without an intelligent thought going through their heads. Ten years from now we will be back to pre pandemic level of dog ownership, dogs wont be allowed in shops or cafes and brain dead owners like the one OP encountered this morning will be few and far between.

YANBU. I love dogs and used to have dogs of my own. And to be honest, I generally don't mind in the least if other people's dogs jump up at me, but you were still right to say something.

I suspect the woman was embarrassed and got stroppy and over-defensive to cover up for that. Hopefully, even though she wasn't apologetic, she'll remember being mortified and be more careful next time.

I'd have been incredibly embarrassed and really apologetic if any of my dogs had got mud on someone else's trousers!

And when that dog has knocked over your toddler or elderly aunt should we still just show compassion and humour ? Train the bloody hound properly.

Well she should obviously have apologised but if I’m out with my dog I kind of expect mud at this time of year. I would have probably thought she was out of order but couldn’t be arsed with saying anything or getting worked up about it. These things happen.

I can see it from both sides, yes she should tell her dog off and apologise for it jumping up, but yes technically you should wear scruffs for dog walks

Apology should have been made and accepted.
Sometimes dogs do something unexpected. My dog is decent, and would not jump up. But one in a hundred he might eg he thought there were treats.