Would my house rules be unreasonable? #1 would be No Male Visitors overnight

[GreenFriedTomato]

I'm female and 55. My flatmate may be moving out this summer so I'm considering getting another flatmate/lodger at some point in the future.
I'm a quiet person and generally easygoing but I would have couple of main rules.

No parties. Very occasional small gatherings would be ok like a birthday dinner but no big house party events.

Most importantly, no male visitors (meaning boyfriends/ ONS). Obviously male relatives or a friend coming by for coffee fine. I'm talking about men/dates staying over

I understand the 'no men staying ' may seem old-fashioned but it's related to me having PTSD and the fact is I would be uncomfortable having random guys staying and coming in and out of the home. It's a small 2 bed flat with a small lounge area.
Many single women have partners/boyfriends so they wouldn't be interested in such an ad anyway, but would it even be realistic or acceptable to stipulate a flat share with this condition?

I would probably enjoy the occasional company of a female flatmate, but she would have a life too and I'm not sure many women would accept to live in a place where they couldn't bring any male friends around. On the other hand, I have female acquaintances who flatshare and never take guys back.

I can't recall ever seen an advert stating 'woman wanted for flat share. No male visitors overnight allowed'. Not in this country anyway. Maybe I should forget the idea entirely.

Any thoughts?

You own the house, right? Because if you're just looking for another person to put onto the contract I don't think you can stipulate any of this.

Maybe approach a Convent to see if they have any free Nuns going that are in need of quiet accommodation?

Ignorant.

I think you need to be crystal clear about your rules and make sure you are on the same wave length.

If your lodger has friends over for some wine and nibbles that is not a party to me, but you might think otherwise depending on the number of friends.

If your lodger has her boyfriend over for most of the day but he stops short of actually staying the night, is that ok?

Are you ok with a brother/cousin/gay male friend staying the night?

My ad stated ‘no wild parties, no random hook ups’ then I would state no regular overnight guests, friends every now then okay with permission,

I always had lots of responses. I’ve had various lodgers, some good, some I’ve got rid of due to strange behaviour. Make it clear ref reasons for being asked to leave and notice period. I think if you are very clear. Put everything in an email after initial contact and you’ll be fine.

I’ve got an old friend living with me at the moment. It was difficult when he didn’t have a job and never left the bloody house but better now. He never ever goes on holiday or away. I wish he did, my advice is check they have a social life and aren’t going to be home all the time.

I had lodgers for years, and I think your stipulations sound perfectly reasonable. There are plenty of people out there who would prefer a quieter, more private house. I never had trouble finding a lodger, and was generally in a position to choose among a number of applicants: several times, I didn't even advertise, but messaged likely sounding "room wanted" ads. Are you using spare room.co.uk?

OP, I would change the wording on the advert to stipulate “No overnight guests”. Don’t even mention the male guests, keep it simple. Apologies if a pp has already suggested this.

I'm 38F and I havent brought a man guy home for the night since I was 18! So we definitely do exist!

If I’m understanding this correctly the OP is renting - I would therefore start buy looking at what the lease allows. Typically two tenants would both need to be in the lease and sub letting isn’t permitted. So this may restrict options and may not give the balance of power as in favour of OP as a lodger in an owned home would. I

I agree with this. Make it clear you want a lodger. Easier to end the deal if it's not working out. That aside, I think your rules are fine. I'm a 62 year old single woman after losing my husband. I have friends, but I'm disillusioned with men from a romantic perspective. If I ever lost my home and needed to lodge, I wouldn't want to be bringing any home or hooking up.

Yes I know
i was responding to PP who said there's no way she's going to find a woman who doesn't want to have a man over. I was reminding that poster that lesbians exist

Do you own the flat and are looking for a lodger or do you rent and are expecting them to pay half of the rent? I think it makes a difference.
I don't think what you want is unreasonable, but if I was paying half of a rental I wouldn't want you setting all the rules.

Someone I know lives near the local hospital and has a lodger who is a doctor there. The suggestion for short term lets for NHS staff is something to consider. When DD does her clinical placements she has three months at a time in hospitals.

Just advertising with "no overnight visitors" would do.

Have a chat with the hospital accommodation office, we regularly have people looking for short term accommodation and often for cultural reasons or simply preference there are women who don't want to have to worry about men about.

Or what about postgraduate or exchange students? Do you have a college or university nearby?

Have a look on spare room if you haven't already, and ultimately it's your house, you decide.

Good luck - I am sure you will find a suitable housemate.

No unreasonable. But you want a lodger not a flatmate.

A young relative has just moved into a house share in London and the tenancy agreement states no overnight visitors and no more than two visitors during the day. A household of youngish people (mid 20s to 30s), but the non resident landlord clearly doesn't want parties or partners moving in. Not sure how strictly it is enforced, but obviously if you are resident your tenant will know they have to comply.

This worked really well for a friend of mine

Someone who worked in our city but lived elsewhere used to stay with her 3 nights midweek

They paid a modest rent and took clothes etc home on Thursday, so my friend could still have friends to stay at weekends

I lived in a house share with the same rule, there were three of us.

We all agreed to it when moving in and stuck to it. Just meant that the person who was single was often home alone overnight or entire weekends as I would stay at my boyfriend’s flat, and so would another one of the girls.

It's your house and you can set whatever rules you want, just bear in mind that you are looking for a unicorn and that it might take you months and months to find someone suitable.

As long as you accept that your restrictions will make it harder to find someone then no probs.

Obviously YANBU to advertise that, I think few people would agree long term. So you may end up with short term arrangements. How would you feel about a lesbian having her partner over?

Your house, your rules
As long as they are made clear to potential tenants up front

Agree with pp that it's fine if you are upfront about it. Anyone not happy doesn't have to live there.

You are not unreasonable to protect your wellbeing and therefore not want men there overnight.

In theory if the woman who became your flatmate happens to be homosexual would you be ok with her girlfriend staying overnight regularly? Presumably another female persin wouldn't be upsetting in the same way? If it's more about not having an extra person then i would be better to say something gender neutral like "overnight visitors only occasionally with prior agreement" to be clear that partners of either sex would be unwelcome. I was a lodger when I was working in a different city to my boyfriend and the landlady just didn't want a bf staying over regularly. We agreed that he'd only come over occasionally like not usually more than once every 6 weeks or so - so I spent most weekends travelling to his place.

If you would have a different artitude to female overnights then I suggest you word your advert to specify "no male visitors overnight" rather than "no men overnight" because otherwise you'll find that there's someone who thinks their (clearly actually male) "girlfriend" will be fine because they are not a man (as an article of faith) while someone else with a clearly actually female "boyfriend" would be unnecessarily put off. I am not being paranoid here, looking at the the age 20-30 bracket people I know who are prime market for lodgers (mostly the offspring of my age 50-60yo friends) there's a significant number who this would be an issue for.

Yes - I would say “quiet house share with 55 year old woman, no overnight visitors unless by prior agreement. Open to female applicants only”

then explain to them at interview about the no male guests overnight thing and if female only 1 night per week etc”

There is a huge housing shortage right now I would post the ad and see what happens!

I think that's perfectly reasonable. Your rules - people who aren't comfortable with them need not apply.