Would my house rules be unreasonable? #1 would be No Male Visitors overnight

[GreenFriedTomato]

I'm female and 55. My flatmate may be moving out this summer so I'm considering getting another flatmate/lodger at some point in the future.
I'm a quiet person and generally easygoing but I would have couple of main rules.

No parties. Very occasional small gatherings would be ok like a birthday dinner but no big house party events.

Most importantly, no male visitors (meaning boyfriends/ ONS). Obviously male relatives or a friend coming by for coffee fine. I'm talking about men/dates staying over

I understand the 'no men staying ' may seem old-fashioned but it's related to me having PTSD and the fact is I would be uncomfortable having random guys staying and coming in and out of the home. It's a small 2 bed flat with a small lounge area.
Many single women have partners/boyfriends so they wouldn't be interested in such an ad anyway, but would it even be realistic or acceptable to stipulate a flat share with this condition?

I would probably enjoy the occasional company of a female flatmate, but she would have a life too and I'm not sure many women would accept to live in a place where they couldn't bring any male friends around. On the other hand, I have female acquaintances who flatshare and never take guys back.

I can't recall ever seen an advert stating 'woman wanted for flat share. No male visitors overnight allowed'. Not in this country anyway. Maybe I should forget the idea entirely.

Any thoughts?

Your house rules are absolutely fine even if they might not appeal to the majority female cohort looking to flatshare. However, there will be someone out there who would be more than happy with your set up (and relieved she is not going to have to bump into your BF in the house first thing in the morning) so go for it with confidence. If anyone feels they are entitled to tell you that your rules are unreasonable, you know they are going to be a PITA on all fronts.

This could work depending on where you live. Try advertising on spare room. Com. I lived in London during the week and went home for weekends for 2 years. Being married I never had overnight guests so this may be perfect for you.

Also male/female relationships aren't the only ones! How would you feel about lesbians couples? Does the rule still apply?

When I was a lodger it was like that - in fact, I wasn’t allowed visitors at all or to use the living room.

I didn’t have a problem with it because all the restrictions were reflected on the price. Otherwise probably I would have looked elsewhere, to be honest.

It doesn't sound like your really cut out for offering a flat share. Could you not get a cat instead?

If I were looking, an ad that said no parties would positively attract me. You’d attract people who want a quieter place to live.
No men overnight would not bother me either,

I think a lot depends on if you own the house or if you also rent. In the latter case I think it would be up to the landlord.

I know a few people who have lodgers and none of them allow overnight guests

This is silly. Perfectly reasonable stipulation. Make an effort to be a good landlord in all respects, offering a clean safe room and common areas. Just put forth any stipulations at the beginning and it’s down to the lodger to choose if they are ok with that.

No overnight guests is a pretty common rule for lodgers so I don’t think anyone would be particularly surprised.

Just to point out just because someone is post menopausal doesn't mean they aren't interested in relationships and also would your rules xyend to women staying overnight? (Is it the fact they're men or the fact they may be having sex)?

Look for someone who needs a place to stay during the week and goes home at weekends.

OP, I don’t think you’re at all unreasonable. You want one person to share your flat: you don’t want it to turn into a couple permanently there. My DD used to live in HMOs and the biggest bone of contention was people moving in a partner who would use the bathroom in the mornings and add to the bills, without expecting that they should have to pay any more. Stick to your guns - make it clear in your ad that you’re looking for a singleton and no overnight stays allowed, and it should be fine.

Have you tried to advertise
.

Lesbians exist...

I've had loads of lodgers and whilst I've not objected to overnight guests as long as it was occasional (one-two nights per week max) I have never had any who wanted to throw parties in the house - I didn't even mention it as a rule, it's just not a thing that lodgers tend to expect to be able to do. It's not the same as being a flatmate. Being explicit is absolutely fine. I'm straight but if I needed a nice quiet place to live and was dating I'd probably be happy to spend nights at his place in exchange for a nice quiet peaceful house. You'll find the right lodger, with a bit of time.

My mum has lodgers. Always had the rule no random hookups and it is has never been an issue and shes had about 12 over the years. None of them have had parties either. The lodger deal is it is cheaper than nornam rent and more flexible so you manage the restrictions and if not you find somewhere else.

I think you'd muddy the waters advertising it as a flat share, then laying down these sorts of rules. House/flat shares are normally all renting rooms and on an equal basis without one person in charge.

Advertise for a lodger - then it's clear it's your home, your rules.

Of course it is ok. In life you have to say what you want and then you will attract people who want the same. There are plenty of women who will want a largely male free space with no parties!!! Does it not occur to you that you are not the only person like you on the planet?!!

As long as you are very clear about the terms and conditions, it's your house, your rules really. It may be difficult for you to find someone who will conform to them all, but if you do, then great.

A lot of issues with lodging IME is that lots of people take in lodgers who need the money but don't really want them and can't actually live with other people at all. And a lot of people become lodgers who should be tenants/housemates, because they don't understand being a lodger is different and they don't have the same freedoms.

If I were looking for a room I would jump at an advert like yours, as I am also 50s, not interested in partying or bringing back men, so I'm sure you'll find your target audience!

@Angrybird76
@ShawnaMacallister

Female relationships already covered on Page 1. OP comfortable with women staying over.

Are you near a theatre? Performers on tour are always looking for weekly accommodation. You’d have a high turnover of ‘guests’ but they would be there to work.

Maybe look for a lesbian flatmate?

Good idea and there's a market for it. My partner is looking for 3 nights a week, ongoing due to work...sadly he's male and not London lol.