DH thinks he should have an office space kept clear at home

[RazedBeds]

I am in a job where I visit establishments or work from home. In effect this means I am in and out of my home all the time and WFH about 3 days a week.

DH works in an office, but has the odd evening call to do at home - maybe 2 a month.

He's thrown a strop because I usually work upstairs but move to the basement room when it's very cold, as it's warmer down there and there's an electric fire. I plugged in the fire and in doing so I unplugged DH's monitor that he attached his laptop to when he does these occasional evening calls. He says I should leave one desk completely clear and set up for him and that it's inconsiderate of me not to. If he tells me he has a call I will clear the desk btw, but if I am WFH and will be tomorrow I do leave my laptop set up.

I feel like since I work at home almost every day and he does do very occasionally, it's not unreasonable for me to spread myself across the workspaces at my convenience as long as I clear a desk whenever he wants. He says that's not fair and one desk should always be set up and available for him, that I don't need to use two. For clarity I work at one or the other but it varies depending on the weather and my mood!

AIBU?

It sounds like you've both backed yourselves into an impasse and neither wants to help the other. In general, the attic desk is yours and the basement is his, except in cold weather, when you move to the basement.

Therefore make sure the basement is equipped for this in winter. Get an extension with more plug sockets since the unplugging is causing an issue, regardless of whether or not you think it should. On your DH side, he should then not make a fuss about moving a simple laptop out of the way if he doesn't need to re-plug stuff. Once winter is over, move back to the attic and don't use the basement.

Compromise!

Erm it really doesn't need to be that complicated.
Lots of us do this on a daily basis with the issues you describe/invented.

In fact, me an DH manage to switch desks using different brands of laptops and monitors without issues pretty much every day.

No I think she could manage not to unplug his equipment or plug it back in.

I'm not actually sure why they're arguing at all, tbh. Surely the whole thing could be solved with an extension cord, and the OP putting her things to one side every night?

Edited -- I just saw that you do have a multi-plug cord. So...get one with spaces for more plugs?

He has plenty of notice, they are usually customer calls with the USA. He says when he gets in from work that he needs the desk at, say, 7 and can I clear it. He doesn't have to beg as some people have said. If he asks me I clear it.

Yep I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask you to use “your” desk rather than whichever you feel
like on any day, and to leave “his” clean.

Thanks for clarifying, OP. This completely changes my opinion. If he tells you he has a call at 7pm and you have the desk cleared and ready for him by 7pm, and there's no other time that he uses the desk...then what's the issue?? Why does he get cross?

I get annoyed if my DH alters my chair settings and then doesn’t put them back so I think I’m with your DH on this one

I’m not dicking around plugging and unplugging things and moving around. My desk has my desktop, my external hard drive which must be plugged in at all times, my devices, my drawers, my correspondence, my files, my ergonomic chair.

By the sounds of it DH would be happy to work in cold room if only OP would leave him alone.

You’ve answered your own question. He wants “his desk”. He wants his space and for that space to be respected. You’ve said the basement office was his office during lockdown so I can see why he still
thinks of it as his office and desk now.

You don’t see desk space that way but you’re being incredibly stubborn and inflexible by insisting he sees this Your Way (hot desking) instead.

You need to have a discussion about which will be “his desk” going forward - out of the FOUR available in the house - and you need to commit to clearing any of your stuff off that desk at the end of the day and returning it to the state it was in when you found it. (That’s how hot desking works too so I don’t know why you don’t get that). I get it’s annoying to keep space for him that he doesn’t use very often, but it sounds like you have loads of space at home, and clearing your stuff off it every day doesn’t take that long.

Yesterday he was cross because while working in there for the previous 3 weeks I had unplugged his monitor, moved his camera slightly on top of the monitor, and plugged in the fire. I had also left a biro on the desk.

Yes, it's easy to switch if you know what needs changing.

If you come to a setup expecting it to be one way and you don't know what has changed, it can take a while to work it out.

It's one reason that a lot of people hate hot desking and companies insist that staff leave the desk as they found it. Otherwise a lot of time is spent setting up your desk/IT equipment.

I work in a hot desking office; I see people struggle with this every day.

I also share a desk with DH; if he's changed the settings and not told me it does take a while to work out what he's done. And it is annoying. Yes, it can be solved by good communication and respect, but that's basically what's not happening in OP's set up.

Wait, I'm confused. So you didn't put things back the way they were for him before his call? Why was his monitor still unplugged if he'd told you he had a call at 7pm?

It sounds like he's very picky about his workspace and wants everything to be just so when he uses it. Which is annoying but also kind of fair?

I didn't even realise I'd unplugged the monitor or moved the camera.

But if he did that to you he’s no doubt be called abusive on here

i think the husband is being reasonable asking for his space to be left as his space. Op wants free roaming rights over all desks

Didn’t realise?
yeah…

It seems a bit off of him. But it also sounds like there is enough space for you both to have a desk/work area? Could there be two desks in the basement, and just buy an extension thing with extra sockets for monitors and heaters to be on simultaneously?

I really don’t understand - can you do a diagram??

• There are 2 desks in the basement- but you like to use both??
• There’s a desk in son #1’s room - you sometimes use this one
• There’s a desk in son #2’s room - nobody uses this one

The issue is that DH wants a permanent desk in the basement but you don’t want to allow him it because you like to use both desks in the basement AND desk in son #1’s room. I rarely say this on MN when it comes to DH/DW disputes, but I actually think you’re being unreasonable! Yes, you wfh more, but why do you need access to 3 desks? Why can’t you claim 1 desk in the basement, move to your other desk in son #1’s room when you fancy and leave the remaining desk in the basement free for your DH?

Edited to say there’s 1 desk in the basement? Even so, I think it’s fair to claim 1 desk each and stick to it!

No, this is not correct.

There is a single desk in the basement which was originally the home office for anyone to use. I didn't often WFH then. During lockdown DH used that desk and I got the dining room table. After lockdown he works in his work office with colleagues and I am in and out, working at home for at least part of the day most days.

There are 2 bedrooms which our kids used to have. Both are still set out as each boy's room with their stuff, pictures etc. Each of these has a desk in.

When DH first started getting irritable that when he wanted to use it, the workspace wasn't as he would like (I might have had a pile of papers at one side, but would clear the area in front of the screen) I retreated to DS1's room as he was then at uni. I like working up there, it's quiet, but the desk is small and it's cold in winter and hot in Summer.

During the recent cold weather I moved downstairs again. I plugged in an electric heater, unplugging what I thought was the printer but was apparently DH's monitor. I worked down there for several weeks. Then DH needed to make an evening call so I made sure the desk was clear but didn't check what was plugged in. DH got narky and said I was inconsiderate using the desk and not leaving it as he likes it. I think he's inconsiderate wanting it set up ready for him when I use it much more often. He says he just wants one clear desk to use, so I suggested he set up in DS2's room, as he is now at uni. But really DH wants the office left as HE likes, even though it's me that uses it much more.

Where I work in DS's room is not "my" space, it's DS's room with his stuff all around. The office in the basement is the only neutral room.

He is being unreasonable [and a dick] and you should put your foot down. You largely work from home, he doesn't. It is therefore logical that he is the one who "hot desks". It's not covid anymore and his big penis and larger salary shouldn't dick-tate that he has a dedicated and preferable space at home.

Claim the basement as your own working space and install some decent lighting. If you flit around and use the kitchen during the summer working day while he is in the office he will be none the wiser.
Set your husband up in one of the two bedrooms for his occasional evening calls. Add the heater and a few blankets in case it is chilly. If he hates it he can stay on in the office, order takeaway and come home late.

So he (in his mind) took over the shared home office even though he doesn't use it.

Are your sons coming back often?

I'd say each can get priority usage of one of the upstairs rooms - and downstairs shared as you go.

He is being unreasonable expecting the best office for winter time untouched for weeks at the time for his convenience.

Could you not get an extension lead with more outlets on it? That would solve having to unplug and replug everything in.

Then just move your laptop and iPad to the side when you've finished each day.

I agree it's a farce for the sake of a few hours a month but it's compromise. Many of us who don't have 3 desks and multiple people sharing a space have to do this.

Many of us who don't have 3 desks and multiple people sharing a space have to do this.

But OP & DH do have 3 desks. So they can work out one desk each to stop the squabbling.

He's being ridiculous. From your clarifications, it's not reasonable for him to be having a meltdown about a biro and some papers off to the side.

He can do his calls at son 2's desk and leave you in peace!

I think it annoys him as he has to ask you to clear the desk each time.
That would annoy me too.