DH thinks he should have an office space kept clear at home

[RazedBeds]

I am in a job where I visit establishments or work from home. In effect this means I am in and out of my home all the time and WFH about 3 days a week.

DH works in an office, but has the odd evening call to do at home - maybe 2 a month.

He's thrown a strop because I usually work upstairs but move to the basement room when it's very cold, as it's warmer down there and there's an electric fire. I plugged in the fire and in doing so I unplugged DH's monitor that he attached his laptop to when he does these occasional evening calls. He says I should leave one desk completely clear and set up for him and that it's inconsiderate of me not to. If he tells me he has a call I will clear the desk btw, but if I am WFH and will be tomorrow I do leave my laptop set up.

I feel like since I work at home almost every day and he does do very occasionally, it's not unreasonable for me to spread myself across the workspaces at my convenience as long as I clear a desk whenever he wants. He says that's not fair and one desk should always be set up and available for him, that I don't need to use two. For clarity I work at one or the other but it varies depending on the weather and my mood!

AIBU?

Dear god, hyperbole much? 🤣 He doesn't care if she uses that desk, he'd just like his things put back the way they were.

LOL I can't believe people are defending the husband here.

The man is literally complaining about having to plug in a power cable once every couple of weeks???? He is having to plug the monitor into his laptop in any case, so he's literally just not wanting to switch the plug from the heater to his monitor.

Seriously, he's being lazy and petty, given how infrequently this is actually an issue for him.

She’s tried that. It doesn’t work.
Having lived in a Victorian terrace with a large loft space I can empathise. It was impossible to get that space warm. That’s why she needed to use the other office space because she was cold.

What kind of a partner kicks off about their wife wanting to be warm?

Which she does when he needs it.
He wants her to clear the desk every night even if she’s using it again the day after.

He wants to implement a clean desk policy like he’s an office manager!

Frankly, you both sound really hard work.

See I don’t think it’s odd. Every time I clear a space and declutter it’s not an invitation to my DH to fill it with shite. His shite has an impact on my wellbeing.
Might not be the case for you but it didn’t occur to DH that his clutter has an actual impact on me.

OP stated that DH doesn't care which desk is his, he just wants one which is his without it being disturbed.

Which is entirely reasonable.

But this is the argument.

He wants set desks, considering there is at least 3 in the home.

She wants to pick and choose depending on her mood that day.

OP has chosen her main office is the one upstairs as she prefers that, so he’s taken the one downstairs.
She wouldn’t want him having the one upstairs to himself either.

As a one off I would be ok with my DC using my desk but seeing as they have their own desk it would really annoy me if they move my stuff and unplug things instead of just using their own desk.

Even if you only used that desk for an hour or so once every couple of weeks though?

At that frequency I don't think I'd even register that I was having to plug the monitor back in, it certainly wouldn't bother me.

Yes it’s still my desk and I expect things to be where I left them.

I wouldn’t mind if it was a 1 off but I’d be miffed if my stuff was moved or unplugged when they had multiple other desks to use.

This would so annoy me too, I had a desk a wonderful desk but DH started using it, then it got to the point everytime I wanted to use it I had to wait for DH to clear it. So frustrating.

So I build (as in bought the wood and screws) a new desk - a desk just for me, my desk and guess what - DH spread himself across that as well because his desk was full and he 'just needed to do something quickly' I now have the utter frustration of every single time I want to use y desk I have to ask and wait for DH to clear it.

One day if I don't post here it is because the police will be digging up the new patio and it will because of 2 desks.

Take it being a desk out of the equation. Basically DH is saying "please leave my stuff where it is". If you move it, put it back. I think that's a fairly reasonable request.

I wouldn't be waiting for him to clear it. If he spread his stuff on my desk I'd just pick it all up and dump it on his. Every single time.

He works in an office and at home. He also needs a desk for admin.

I can imagine that if you’d said there were multiple desks in your home and your DH keeps using your 1 then everyone would be saying he’s BU.

My desk is my desk.
I don’t think it’s a lot to ask that other people use their own and if they have to use mine, to put things back as they found it.

It's very reasonable.
Op is being unreasonable here wanting to use whichever desk she wants whenever.

If she would prefer to use the basement desk then she should ask him to swap.
I do think that she is the one working from home the most ahe should have first pick of which space she wants out of the 3 or 4 possibilities. Then he picks his space and they both stick to their spaces. If OP fancies a change she can use one of the other spaces from time to time but not DH's.

Well that’s odd because my study in our old (Victorian) house was in the attic and if was perfectly warm in winter and could be kept cool in summer. Insulation and window treatment is key, plus efficient heating. This is not rocket science.

I think YAB a bit U OP.

As you have more than one desk space in your house, it's not unreasonable for your DH to ask forthere to be one set up and 'ready to go' for when he needs to make calls. I work in an office where we don't hot desk so I would probably get the rage if I came to start working and things had moved about or been unplugged tbh.

But as you are the one who does the majority of the WFH, you should absolutely get first dibs on which workspace you want. I think you need to stop flitting between desks - pick one and buy a heater/extension lead/whatever is needed to make it habitable all year round.

We do have a multi plug - it has printer plugged in , his monitor, and space for a laptop and phone. He was peeved that I unplugged the monitor so I could plug in the electric fire. It was plugged in like that for 3 weeks before he noticed as he hadn't needed the desk in that time.

And having to plug in a monitor stops him doing that?
He's finding that so challenging that he'd prefer his wife to work in a cold room?

Since OP hasn't clarified how much notice her DH has for his calls, I'm guessing he doesn't have much. So then it's a faff to have to clear her stuff away right before he has to hop onto a call. Honestly, what's unreasonable about wanting his monitor plugged back in after she uses the space?

This is my view. It genuinely doesn't bother me to have to pick up and unplug a laptop or a pile of GCSE revision or whatever, so I can work. It does bother him.

You realise not all houses are the same yeah?
I mean, well done you for makign your attic space the perfect temperature for you but in our old house we tried everything. Apart from major construction work which we couldn't afford.

You're right we don't know how much notice he has.
Therefore we don't know if your scenario is actually true do we?

It won't be just plugging in a monitor though, will it?

Chances are he turns up, finds OP's stuff on his desk. Moves it. Puts his own stuff on the desk. Turns on his laptop. Finds the monitor is not working. Turns it off and on again. Turns the laptop off and on again. Checks the cables are all plugged into the docking station properly. Maybe plugs the laptop directly into the monitor to check if the docking station is working. Then finally twigs that the monitor is unplugged. Works out what cable is which and which he can unplug. And then plugs the monitor in.
And so is stressed for starting his call.

Unless OP puts a note on the monitor saying "MONITOR UNPLUGGED - you can unplug the heater plug which is labelled" which makes it dead simple to realise what needs fixing.

(Why is OP not using the monitor, thereby needing it to stay plugged in, anyway? It's not a good idea to be working on a laptop screen all day.)