DH thinks he should have an office space kept clear at home

[RazedBeds]

I am in a job where I visit establishments or work from home. In effect this means I am in and out of my home all the time and WFH about 3 days a week.

DH works in an office, but has the odd evening call to do at home - maybe 2 a month.

He's thrown a strop because I usually work upstairs but move to the basement room when it's very cold, as it's warmer down there and there's an electric fire. I plugged in the fire and in doing so I unplugged DH's monitor that he attached his laptop to when he does these occasional evening calls. He says I should leave one desk completely clear and set up for him and that it's inconsiderate of me not to. If he tells me he has a call I will clear the desk btw, but if I am WFH and will be tomorrow I do leave my laptop set up.

I feel like since I work at home almost every day and he does do very occasionally, it's not unreasonable for me to spread myself across the workspaces at my convenience as long as I clear a desk whenever he wants. He says that's not fair and one desk should always be set up and available for him, that I don't need to use two. For clarity I work at one or the other but it varies depending on the weather and my mood!

AIBU?

His preference is that he can find the original office desk clear and ready whenever he might want to use it.

He is reluctantly prepared to use the upstairs desk in son#1 's room that I retreated to and made "my" desk last time he threw a strop, but only if it is also left clean and empty. For some reason it hasn't occurred to him to use the clean empty desk in son #2's room which is now also available as he has gone to uni.

I think he wants the basement space really.

We have a study/office in the basement which we have always had.

Since our boys grew up, we now have a vacant desk in son1's room as he has left home. And a recently vacated desk in son 2's room as he is now at uni.

I retreated to son 1's room last time DH got cross, but it gets very hot in Summer and very cold in Winter. So I moved downstairs again recently.

This concept confuses me. Surely one of the perks of having a home big enough fir office spaces is that you can set up a space exactly as you want it and not have to 'hot desk' around the building. I vam see spreading papers or books that you are working on across any available space but surely you clear those down at the end of the day? But I dont get why you would want to switch between 3 different workstations....

My dh works from home 2 days a week, I work less hours than he does at home but it still infuriates me that I can't get to my space because its cluttered (his work stuff, left over /outgrown kids stuff and anything else noone knows where to out gets dumped there!) To the point that last week I brought my large monitor down and set it up on the dining table... I do accounts I need the screen space. It's caused some issues but I'm fed up of clearing space when I need it!

She also doesn’t need two desks, she can have first pick. And use the other one as well, just tidy it up at the end of the day, like she would in a hot-desking environment (as she says that is what she is used to).

You say desks plural
It's not unreasonable for him to say one for him, one for you

Could he have son 1’s desk and you use son 2’s desk?

But why does she need to tidy up at the end of the day if she is going to use the exact same desk the day after and it’s not being used in between?

She isn’t hot desking, she’s at home using the allocated office space which her husband wants exclusive use of for the two meetings a month. As she works from home more frequently the optimal space should be hers.

The problem is, he wants the best one even though he hardly uses it.
He would prefer his wife to be uncomfortable rather than use the allocated office space in the house.

No she wants to be able to use either of the two desks whenever she likes and leave her stuff wherever she feels like as she uses both. Now it turns out there are FOUR desks for two people and she can’t leave one of them set up for her husband. Craziness

We’re clearly seeing this differently.
I think the husband is being incredibly selfish and the only reason the OP is using multiple desks is because he wants exclusive use of the dedicated office space and he threw a stop when she used it.

You’re talking like she leaves a mess. No, she unplugged his monitor and left her laptop and iPad on the desk. That’s it.

That office space should be hers given their working patterns.

I empathise. I can work from anywhere whereas DH needs his whole set up untouched. Do you have a heated blanket? My office is very cold, so the heated blanket has been a lifesaver!

There are at least 10 guitars here and ukuleles and mandolin etc.

Can you rearrange the plugs so he can just get started quicker?

Well if what you’re actually asking is should you be allowed to have the better space then yes, absolutely. You use it all the time and he only uses it occasionally. So by all means tell him to set his stuff up on DS2s desk and then leave that one entirely for him.

So you want 2 desks but he have none?

I have my own desk but don’t even wfh.

I see what you’re saying, as he barely wfh but it would annoy me if all of my things are unplugged and not how I left them.

Could you simply not just plug things back in after you’ve used them?
Or get an extension lead so that nothing needs to be unplugged?
Or a 2nd desk in the basement?

There are 2 office spaces.

OP wants both, to pick and choose from depending on the weather.

DH wants them to have 1 each.

I am with DH as it makes more sense to me to have my own space where things don’t get moved.

I can see both sides of this - my husband likes his room to be as he left it which can be annoying as my office is outside the house and sometimes I just need to quickly print something off or whatever. If you can't get him to stay off your case regarding the basement, have you thought of investing in some wearable warm clothes to work in the attic? Ororo do excellent heated gilets or jackets and you can even get heated socks from Berschat. You can also get underdesk leg warmer things that curve around your legs or even just a heated blanket. If you're not on a video call wear a hat. Infrared heaters also heat the person, not the room - try Herschel. They are also very cheap to run. I realise this might not be the answer you wanted but just a few thoughts to give you another option.

You have room for two desks, you should have one and he should have the other.

He should not have to ask you not to touch his tech and to clear your stuff off a desk before he can work at it. If you decide to use his desk you should leave it as you found it.

Sounds like a typical male unconscious self-centering in the spatial organization of the home: he thinks he has first dibs on space and that everyone else should fit in around his needs.

It doesn't sound anything like that to me. I'd have gone absolutely mad if my OH had so much as touched anything on my desk. If there's space in the house, people (men and women) do have a right to a space of their own.

He shouldn't have to beg her to move her stuff so he can use the desk he always uses.

OP, I don't think you've told us how much notice he has for these calls. If he knows in advance, then he just needs to tell you so you can clear your stuff away and plug his monitor back in. But if he has very little notice, then I do think you're being unreasonable and should leave a desk set up for him. Very annoying to suddenly have to be on a call and then have to stop and set your stuff up.

So you have three places in which to work, but can't be arsed to get an extension lead for your laptop?

You do know that you aren't a cat needing 3 beds plus the right to sprawl over a carelessly placed handbag that's been put down for five seconds, dont you?

A desk he needs twice a month?

There are 2 office spaces.
OP wants both, to pick and choose from depending on the weather.

As none of the desks are being used why is this a problem?

Yes, a desk he needs twice a month for working from home. The rest of the time it's "his" space of he wants to leave paperwork on it or use his laptop for stuff like house admin.

There's a discussion to be had about whose desk should be whose, but they should have one each, and if she uses his it should be left exactly as she found it.

You realise this their home? Not an actual office. They’re husband and wife not colleagues.

It’s not a chore to move a laptop every once in a while 🙄