DH thinks he should have an office space kept clear at home

[RazedBeds]

I am in a job where I visit establishments or work from home. In effect this means I am in and out of my home all the time and WFH about 3 days a week.

DH works in an office, but has the odd evening call to do at home - maybe 2 a month.

He's thrown a strop because I usually work upstairs but move to the basement room when it's very cold, as it's warmer down there and there's an electric fire. I plugged in the fire and in doing so I unplugged DH's monitor that he attached his laptop to when he does these occasional evening calls. He says I should leave one desk completely clear and set up for him and that it's inconsiderate of me not to. If he tells me he has a call I will clear the desk btw, but if I am WFH and will be tomorrow I do leave my laptop set up.

I feel like since I work at home almost every day and he does do very occasionally, it's not unreasonable for me to spread myself across the workspaces at my convenience as long as I clear a desk whenever he wants. He says that's not fair and one desk should always be set up and available for him, that I don't need to use two. For clarity I work at one or the other but it varies depending on the weather and my mood!

AIBU?

This sounds like one of those things that happen in a relationship where you back yourselves into a corner and no one is willing to lose. For what it’s worth, I think you’re being really ridiculous. Sort out where you’re working and let him keep his desk as he likes. You have the luxury of multiple options and it sounds like he’s happy to take second choice, he just wants you to leave it alone. Fair enough!

I work from home 1.5 days and my husband 3. He has the office desk and I work wherever - dining table, couch, etc. I don’t touch his desk even though he’s almost never here when I am. I think unless specifically set up for hot desking, it’s very annoying to shift things around regularly.

Also seems like you could just figure it out - get some lamps or another heater or a heated throw… etc etc.

Are there two desks in the basement? If so, YABU, just leave one desk to him. If there’s only one desk down there and it’s warmer, YANBU, he needs to share.

She's explained it clearly. The loft room is normally best for being the most quiet, but the basement room is better when it's cold.

Why would anyone not work in the best space for their needs on the off chance this might be the day your spouse wants to use the desk for a call

Oil filled radiator in the upstairs

i wouldnt want to have to keep setting up in my own home, its bad enough at work

"tidying up" means that my laptop and iPad are on the desk. Not crap strewn everywhere.

I was wondering this...

I think it also depends on the urgency of the calls and how much advance notice he has. If he's having to deal with something urgently and needs to be able to do it then and there then I can absolutely see why he'd be annoyed at having to wait for you to clear him a space.

I wfh multiple days in the week and I always clear everything away into my work bag at the end of each day (because I work from the kitchen table and will need to clear it for dinner) so I'm wondering why you'd need to have stuff consistently spread across two work stations in two different rooms?

But he doesn't have to 'shift things around regularly'. 2 calls a month is not regularly

OP - you’re adults - you need your own desks.

My children had their own desks. It saved all kinds of arguments like the one you’re having.

That does not sound unreasonable at all to me.

He's a twat, a tedious toddler twat.

Why is he a twat? They have 2 desks and he just wants one left for him. She can pick th one she prefers and leave the other alone. Hardly unreasonable is it?

When you say you clear it when he wants to use it, do you mean he gives notice and when he goes to use it at the set time, it's clear and ready? Or is the sort of thing that he doesnt know he needs it until the day, then he goes to use the desk and your stuff is everywhere and he has to wait while you move everything? I think it's fine to use both desks, but pack away when you're finished if it's in "his" space, so that he can use it when he needs to without waiting for you to pack up.

Absolutely!

This. Simples.

Treat it like a hot desk at a coworking space - leave it as you found it.

They did that and it’s not warm enough.
if the ‘messy’ desk is just a laptop then I couldn’t care less- it’s a laptop, everyone on this call you have needed advance notice in order to turn up in the evening, you need to get your laptop out of your bag, your wife works from home ,as part of your meeting prep say to me ‘it offends me to have to pick up your laptop, move it off my desk before 7pm Thursdays’ or just take the call from your car while picking up your dc or at the training field/rink like every other busy senior manager in my global firm does, unless he’s ceo of a multi billion dollar company. Although the ceo of the multi billion dollar company I’m at wouldn’t be entitled like your dh.
I just get op should never ever be an impediment to my precious work in any way vibes from him. Go play one of his guitars op.

If he's complaining about moving your laptop, I can see why you think he's being a bit of a baby. But at the same time, I don't see why you can't both have spaces that do what you'd like them to.

Plugging a monitor in isn't the end of the world, but it would annoy me if I had to do it every time I went to work in my own home. Hot desking is one thing but it isn't exactly universally loved. I would hope to have something a bit better in a home office if it was possible.

Is it really not possible to have enough sockets so you don't have to be plugging and unplugging things? Can you not make your upstairs office warm enough that you can work there all the time? Wouldn't you prefer to have a desk you can set up just how you like it and don't have to move about depending on the weather? You could use this as the excuse to go to town on your office and make it a space you really enjoy. He can keep his dingy cellar office and use it any time he wants without crying about it.

Get an additional desk if you want to use that space.

We have one desk at home and it is ‘mine’ in my head as I work from home and it’s set up with all my monitors etc. provided by work. My DH uses it sometimes when he is revising for exams or doing some study, I imagine it is shared in his mind which is fair enough, it’s the only desk. I’ve never said anything to him but he always hides my stuff (in different places every time), unplugs things and leaves his laptop and notes out. It’s tidy but so annoying 😅

I think if I were your DH I’d struggle to understand why you can’t have one left clear

Do you generally colonize every space in your home?

So I think you are totally legit to use both desks, but I also think it's legit not to want to have to clear someone else's stuff from a desk before you use it, when there are two desks at home.

If we hot desk we have a single USB c you plug in and your whole desk set up is done.

Could you make some changes so if he does work from home he's not having to faff to get set up? E.g. switching to a six gang extension lead so you don't have to unplug his laptop, say. And maybe having some sort of in-tray/a set of drawers where you keep your stuff that it sounds like is spreading out over the desk?

😆

Allocate one desk to each of you and that’s that persons desk. You are allowed to use his but if you do, you leave it clear of your stuff when you’re done because it’s his desk.

You have 2 spaces available to WFH, you want to be able to use either and DH wants each of you to have a dedicated space. The fact that he’s WFH less than you is irrelevant. I would be annoyed with you too if I were your DH. The least you need to do is ensure the desk space he normally uses is left as he likes it, with his monitor plugged back in.
My DH has a hobby that uses a desk in the loft, which I sometimes use when I’m sewing. I always ensure I put it back as I found it when I’m finished.

What an odd thing to say. It's my home and his home. In our living room are 2 guitars and my sewing box, and two sofas. In the bedroom are my clothes and his clothes.