DH thinks he should have an office space kept clear at home

[RazedBeds]

I am in a job where I visit establishments or work from home. In effect this means I am in and out of my home all the time and WFH about 3 days a week.

DH works in an office, but has the odd evening call to do at home - maybe 2 a month.

He's thrown a strop because I usually work upstairs but move to the basement room when it's very cold, as it's warmer down there and there's an electric fire. I plugged in the fire and in doing so I unplugged DH's monitor that he attached his laptop to when he does these occasional evening calls. He says I should leave one desk completely clear and set up for him and that it's inconsiderate of me not to. If he tells me he has a call I will clear the desk btw, but if I am WFH and will be tomorrow I do leave my laptop set up.

I feel like since I work at home almost every day and he does do very occasionally, it's not unreasonable for me to spread myself across the workspaces at my convenience as long as I clear a desk whenever he wants. He says that's not fair and one desk should always be set up and available for him, that I don't need to use two. For clarity I work at one or the other but it varies depending on the weather and my mood!

AIBU?

I’m team husband as well - and I’m also used to hot-desking at work but when I do, the desk at work is clear when I arrive and all the equipment is connected.

My husband does what you do and it drives me crazy as im quite organised and like a tidy desk set up. It’s particularly annoying when I have an early morning call and get to my desk 5 mins before it starts to find things unplugged, the videocam skewiff and papers and dirty mugs on my desk. Like you he also has his own office but he likes to use mine in our case I think because it is a nicer experience because the room is clean and tidy and not the junk store he’s turned honown inro

if you left things as you found them every evening when you finish I suspect this would be a non issue but YABU otherwise

Lol, if the room was big enough for two desks I might.

Plot twist is that 2nd DC has recently gone to uni, his bedroom is immaculate with desk available. DH could set up up there and I would never go near it.

For some reason it irks DH most that the downstairs office space isn't kept ready and waiting for him on the off chance he might want to use it occasionally, when I think as I work there almost every day I don't see why it can't be left to my convenience.

Why should I be inconvenienced every day by having to set up my laptop etc so that DH doesn't have to plug his monitor in once or twice a month?

Where is the kindness?
Until recently we had one ‘office’ space in the house. While it was technically DH’s office there was no way he’d have me working in the freezing cold kitchen in winter while he wasn’t even in the house!
Setting up a monitor and laptop takes two minutes and while it’s nice to have them permanently set up surely your partner bring warm and comfortable overrides a minor inconvenience.

So it's equally not regularly that OP needs to leave one desk clear for him.

If the main motivation for having 2 desks is the temperature, I don't believe the temperature varies so wildly from day to day that OP can't just work on one desk in cold months and the other desk in hot months.

Or like, others have suggested, buy extra heaters, blankets or extension leads.

It's a pain to have to clear a space and set up before you start work - even if it is only twice a month. it's a bit like having to clear the kitchen workspace before you start making a meal because the previous person left it in a mess. It gets you off to a bad start before you've even done anything.

Am mostly bewildered that you live in a house with so much space and you are both bickering about it. I think most people would be amazed and delighted to have a choice of 3 separate workspaces and it seems fair enough that if there are 2 places and 2 people you each pick one.

And honesty, if setting up the workstation is the actual sticking point here, just get a better setup so you don’t have to unplug anything to use his space.

(Now that we find out there’s a third desk why can’t you use that if it’s too cold upstairs?)

Haven't read the full thread, just OP's messages.

Your DH has main character complex.
His needs and wants are more important than yours.

The End.

I thought you said he didn’t mind which desk he had, as long as he had one left just for him?

But it’s his house. I think you’re being unfair.

Are you saying you’ve an upstairs desk and a downstairs desk?

It’s also her house.
Would you really prefer your partner to work in a freezing cold space than take two mins to set up a monitor on the odd occasion you need it?

There is such an easy solution to this - you get an extension lead so you don't have to unplug anything, and you always clear the basement desk when you are not working there. It's a perfectly reasonable compromise on your part given that you have another room solely for you.

This is the nub of it (I wish we could still select and quote parts of posts 😩).

why should OP have to set up her laptop every day to save her dh plugging in his monitor twice a month? It must take him one minute, if that.

YANBU.

It’s only a laptop she has to ‘clear away’ - some posters are acting like she strews rubbish all over his desk each time.

Why doesn’t your h work in your son’s bedroom? Or you?

Most definitely!

I think I’m your husband in this scenario, in that my DP works f/t at home and I’m a lot more as-I-please. He has a garden office but uses my desk when it’s very cold, or when he needs to listen out for deliveries. Every single time I come back to my desk afterwards I have to plug my equipment back in and (which actually annoys me more) adjust the seat to my height.

But we’ve never argued about it, because this shit takes literally three minutes, and who cares.

So I guess I think you’re reasonable, but you also both enjoy a good bicker about stupid stuff.

I don't work from home unless I really have to. My DH does about 5 days a month. Neither of us ever go near the other person's desk. Hot desking isn't generally considered a good thing unless you want to save money and don't have to do it yourself.

But wouldn't hot desking involve some level of leaving the desk you'd used as you found it? I think it's fair enough to expect you to leave the desk clear and the monitor plugged back in.

Are people really calling it hot desking when you’re in your own house 😂😂😂

If it is a plugging in the monitor vs the heater just get a better plug system so both can

Then why can’t you clear out his desk from your things when you are finished for the day?

Why should I be inconvenienced every day by having to set up my laptop etc so that DH doesn't have to plug his monitor in once or twice a month
Because you are the one who wants to use both desks.

You have 2 desks and you've effectively claimed priority on both of them. You want whichever desk you used last to be left to your convenience, but won't consider allowing your DH the same.

I get that you are there far more often, so I do think you should get first choice on which you use, first choice on which monitor, chair etc But I think you're being unfair, and a little selfish, to lay claim to both.

If you really don't want to let your DH have a workspace to himself, and want to keep hot desking, then I think you need to set it up properly. Sort out the plug situation so you never have to unplug the workstation things. Maybe add docking stations if you haven't already, so either one of you can just plug in your laptop and work. And perhaps add a space near each desk (a drawer, a nice deep tray ) that your DH can quickly move any of your things to if he needs to use the space. Also means you'll know where things are if he's moved them for you.

I doubt it. I was just using the phrase to highlight the fact that it is reasonable to find it less than ideal when someone uses your desk.

Because she wants to use the desk the day after so would be clearing stuff away just to get it out again.
He doesn’t actually need the desk he just doesn’t want her to use it.

When it’s your own partner? And you aren’t using the desk?

Surely it’s a minor inconvenience and worth it for your partners comfort?

I'm with you OP. Why should you be sat either too hot in summer and too cold in winter most of the time when there's a perfectly good room that he only uses twice a month.

Saying that I also think if it will take less than 5 minutes at the end of the day to plug his stuff back in, it's considerate and it's a good compromise.

I am a woefully disorganised person, but I take one of those plastic cleaning caddy things, the ones with the handles that carries different squirty bottles and I put all my cups, tablets, and loose bits and bobs in at the end of the day to take things back where they belong for ease of transport.