Is It Weird to Go for Walks with a School Dad?

[safefmo]

I mostly work from home and often go for a walk after school drop-off. Recently I bumped into a school dad whose daughter is friends with my child. He’s nice enough and we’ll chat when we see each other.

Since then, he’s occasionally texted to ask if I want to go for a walk or grab a coffee. If he were a school mum, I wouldn’t think twice — but because he’s a dad, I’m second-guessing it. I don’t want it to get awkward, and I don’t know if his partner knows.

Am I overthinking this? Is it weird? If you were his partner, would you find it odd?

Maybe the nonsense spouted by people on here who think he's going to try and ravish her over a mocha latte is why she asking.

I wish people on here would stop saying younare trying to be "cool" when people don't agree with them it's so pathetic, so I agree with you.

I remember people laughed when Mike Pence said he wouldn't have lunch with a woman without his wife being there. Turns out he must have just been a secret mumsnetter looking at these replies.

But did she know?

I am male and my best mate and I go for a walk 2-3 days a week during out lunch breaks.

We both find it really helps us to get out the home office, gives us a good non work chat and see someone outside the direct family.

So invite them over for coffee? Both him and his wife. Would you be ok with your dh doing this with another mum? If so, crack on

I’m sorry you know such awful men. Luckily that hasn’t been my experience.

Maybe they just haven’t watched a shit show unfold before their eyes then. I’m pretty sure the husband would be fine about his wife going for walks and coffee on a one to one basis as well.

My ex husband had an affair with a work colleague and left me for her.

It doesn’t mean that my now dh is banned from having friendships with female collegues.

Me also, I'm freshly post divorce after ex had an affair. The way I look at it is that that is my baggage to deal with in any future relationships I may have moving forwards- its not an excuse for me to control a future partner.

Completely different if we were talking about a partner who had a history of cheating and was now seeking out coffee meet ups with women. But innocent until proven guilty is generally the rule I try to live by within reason.

My husband is yes, and accusing people of being cool as a way to insult them when you don’t agree just comes across as rather sad.

Realistically, you have already cheated just by contemplating going for a walk with a man who isnt your husband.

Do the right thing and come clean to your husband and leave the family home.

😉

I regularly walk with a school dad, but it's less informal, we might just bump into each other and our dogs get on really well, so will have a chat whilst walking, but is entirely friendly and not that close outside of school, more of an acquaintance.

I would expect it to be pretty harmless, perhaps he's lonely during day? I think you would be able to gauge his intentions pretty quickly.

Men /dads at the school just don't really get close to school mums without there being more to it. Unless he's like that with several other school mums and it's not just you, I'd keep out of it.

Honestly, why do so many on here think men and women can’t be friends? My DH and I have plenty of friends of the opposite sex who we hang out with, shock horror, without the other!!

Well that’s the thing isn’t it. So many people have been treated terribly in the past, but you can’t let it dictate your future.

My dh first serious girlfriend (living together), left him for his good friend.

My ex h left me for a work colleague.

We would have a pretty toxic, controlling and stressful relationship if I said to him “you cannot have friendships with any female work colleagues!” And he said to me, “you must not see any of my male friends if I am not there” (the school dad I walk my dog with most days is a good friend of dh, as I said in an earlier post).

What nonsense. I work in a shift work industry which means lots of the men are able to flexi work around their kids. Load of them meet up after the school run for coffee/to walk their dogs/take their little kid to park or soft play.

What is this ridiculous view on here that male friendships only involve gaming, football or the pub!?

Because of the potential to cross boundaries? Can’t imagine many spouses happy to tolerate their other halves hanging out with the opposite sex , encroaching on their social lives. Fine to have friends of the opposite sex as part of a family unit, but not acting as if they’re still single. PP said she shared beds with men, nothing happened- that’s ok, then!

Also to add- if my partner and I ever have kids, he will be either a SAHD or working part time flexi. I will be really sad for him if he can't make friends with other parents because it's all mums. He is a lovely man and wound genuinely be looking for a coffee/dog walk/soft play buddy. It would really hurt me if anyone assumed he was some kind of opportunistic predator.

"Because of the potential to cross boundaries"

By that logic, should I sack off all my lesbian friends?

They’re both married , it’s bound to get messy, whatever OP says!

The potential to cross boundaries exists in every sphere. By that logic we should segregate everywhere by sex.

Maybe you see every man as a potential shag, but lots of us just see them as people with whom we may have common interests and fun conversations. And we also don’t have such a low opinion of men that we think every single one of them is trying to shag us. We also have enough self esteem to think men may be interested in what we have to say. Honestly, what a depressing world view you have.

Well, she asked before anyone started spouting nonsense. The fact still remains that something in her told her it might not be right so she asked for advice. You don't really need to ask for advice if you are sure of the situation, do you? I often have lunch with colleagues or friends, it isn't a big deal. My DH knows and doesn't care and vice versa. But when I have a weird feeling and need to think about it I am usually right. It is what your instincts are for. OP has a feeling it might not be okay and here she is. No one hunted her down yelling no don't go for a walk, danger danger! She asked. Just because people don't like the answers doesn't mean they aren't valid. AIBU is not please post so everyone can tell you you are right.

I’m not saying you can’t have friends of the opposite sex. This is a specific case and in the circumstances described by OP, to me it is obvthat it would end up as more than a casual friendship, even if she didn’t intend it to.

But this is different. I also work in a very male environment-I have many good male friends who I meet up with one to one but we have got to know each other over time. And have met each others partners. It seems as though this man has singled out the OP from the other school mums and is messaging her for coffees and walks. That’s what’s not right about this. If he was joining a group of parents for a coffee etc that’s different or if they knew each other really well from the kids being at each others homes ( in which case the OP would know his partner too) but that’s not the case. He’s singling her out .. to him it’s a date