Is It Weird to Go for Walks with a School Dad?

[safefmo]

I mostly work from home and often go for a walk after school drop-off. Recently I bumped into a school dad whose daughter is friends with my child. He’s nice enough and we’ll chat when we see each other.

Since then, he’s occasionally texted to ask if I want to go for a walk or grab a coffee. If he were a school mum, I wouldn’t think twice — but because he’s a dad, I’m second-guessing it. I don’t want it to get awkward, and I don’t know if his partner knows.

Am I overthinking this? Is it weird? If you were his partner, would you find it odd?

Sure, sure will do. To be fair, I work in a predominantly male industry so professionally this would be totally standard.

So I know people will say that men can be friends with women without having any ulterior motive, and maybe they can, but from personal experience (and experience of others I've talked to about it) I can categorically say I have never had a straight male friend who didn't eventually reveal that they just wanted sex. This is not just one or two men, it's several and this goes all the way back to school.

I'd stay clear but that's just me. I wouldnt want any drama

not odd at all

I wouldn’t go for walks with him.
Fine for a chat if you bump into him or anyone else at the school gates - that’s natural and unplanned. But I wouldn’t be making arrangements one-to-one with a man. And I wouldn’t appreciate my husband going on walks with a woman.
Boundaries are important.

Im amazed at how many peoples default position is no to a platonic friend of the opposite sex?! I work in a male dominated environment so have many male friends, it wouldnt cross my mind not to meet for a coffee or a walk, i think it would quickly become apparent if he was after something else but also highly improbable!

Definitely not ok. Not without other people. Too much risk of soemone developing feelings. It’s easy to bond over parenting woes and loneliness while partner is working.

This is totally fine. I have a few 'Dad' friends. One texts me each day to see if we are doing the school walk together (as he walks past my house) and I've been to his house for a cuppa.
My husband knows and his wife knows. Sometimes you just click with people.
Keep enjoying his company.

Why don’t you ask his wife how she feels about it? Then you’ll have your answer.

Really? “Hi there, please can I go for a walk with your husband?”

His wife doesn’t own him. If anyone asked me if they could go for a walk with my husband, I’d think they were nuts to be honest.

Sounds fine but I will say I tried being friendly with a school dad once and his wife was always frosty towards me, then he suddenly started avoiding me and now won’t even say hi to me. All I can put that down to is her jealousy.

We sat together on a 1.5 hour coach school trip - not our choice- and so obviously got talking. We got on and always greeted one another and had small talk from there on out. Then they started turning up together and when I said hi to both of them, she death stared me. Really weird.

So yeah go for it but expect his wife (if he has one) to get weird.

People will talk. I would invite another mum to come along.

I used to go for walks with one of the school dads, his wife didn't mind.

We always hear how woman fight to be accepted in male dominated areas of life.

He’s a dad in a female dominated area of life.

he’s only asking what everyone else does.

If he’s good company then what’s the problem?

Am I overthinking this? Is it weird? If you were his partner, would you find it odd?

What about your partner @safefmo ? Have you asked your own husband if you're overthinking this? If he thinks it's weird? Coz you will have mentioned it to him, yes? That another man has invited you for a coffee? What does he think? 🤔 🙄

I wouldn’t do it, not because it’s anything to do with male and female friendship malarky. I can’t stand men who prattle on these days. I personally find female friendships much more enriching and would spend my mornings talking to family or friends if I had time to spare, or would read a book. In my mind, some random guy can find someone else to chat to, unless he is some amazing two-way conversationalist.

Men and women together always end up bad

Sorry, but you can’t speak on behalf of all men. Personally I think men like you are a massive red flag. Do you only see women as something to shag? Can you really not see anything in their personalities that you might think, ‘oh, she would be a good friend’?

I find it a bit odd when people don’t have friends of the sex they would romantically go for. I have lots of male friends (as do all of my female friends), not once has anything romantic happened. If people are going to cheat they will and it sounds a bit of a sad life that you would need to prevent your partner from having friends as the automatic assumption is they will cheat on you.

I don't think doing the school run or post-dropoff dog walk together, which you are both already doing in the same place at the same time, is the same as actively arranging to do something. Loads of comments on here saying they see dads at the school to chat to and socialise with his partner.

I'd maybe say yes and then monitor.

I’d not even give this a second thought, but I don’t subscribe to men and women can’t be friends,

Sorry, but you can’t speak on behalf of all men. Personally I think men like you are a massive red flag

He was being honest about himself.

Do you only see women as something to shag?

Well, most men do, let's be honest.

Can you really not see anything in their personalities that you might think, ‘oh, she would be a good friend’?

Possibly some men might, but they do generally see women as bed companions and don't see their other qualities.

FFS, you know what I meant! You’d be happy with your OH going for walks and coffee with another woman on a regular basis? If so, you’re just so cool…

Ask yourself if it is likely that he is interested in you for more than friendship. From what you have written, I'd say it is more than possible.

I say this with the best of intentions ( though I am bound to get a lot of protests) but in my years of doing the school run I had a lot of chats with dads at the gate and might talk to them if we bumped into each other but I was never once asked to meet them 121 like this without it being for a particular reason to do with child drop offs etc .

This frankly ( and I am not being falsely modest here) is because I am not someone men are particularly interested in because I am very overweight and hence not considered attractive by the majority of them

I am also not the kind of person where 'an attractive personality or lovely face ' helps people look past this and I never ever flirt as I find the whole thing excruciating. So I am definitely not a sexual possibility for the vast majority of heterosexual men. In fact my actually quite buoyant personality is only ever evident around family or female friends or mixed company . I am a completely different, awkward person around just men unless I know them very well or they are family.

I have therefore never ever had this sort of invite, in contrast to some of the undoubtedly more phyaically attractive and/or more platonically open /friendly posters on this thread.

On balance I'd say, don't go if you feel awkward, only go if you actually want to and if you do go, be on guard for him wanting more than friendship and be quick.to drop the friendship if necessary.

Excellent idea

I’m not “cool.”

But no, it wouldn’t get to me. He goes to lunch/coffee most days with female colleagues.

If someone wants to leave you or have an affair, they will. Going for a walk or lunch with another women doesn’t mean they want to do either.