Is It Weird to Go for Walks with a School Dad?

[safefmo]

I mostly work from home and often go for a walk after school drop-off. Recently I bumped into a school dad whose daughter is friends with my child. He’s nice enough and we’ll chat when we see each other.

Since then, he’s occasionally texted to ask if I want to go for a walk or grab a coffee. If he were a school mum, I wouldn’t think twice — but because he’s a dad, I’m second-guessing it. I don’t want it to get awkward, and I don’t know if his partner knows.

Am I overthinking this? Is it weird? If you were his partner, would you find it odd?

I'd be a little wary about his motives, just in case

Perhaps meet him, but only wiith another friend too

Yes

For me, the concerning part is that he’s messaging asking for walks and/or coffee. It’s not like he’s bumping into you or carrying on naturally from drop off.
And it’s been more than once.
I’m very much a men and women can be platonic friends … in theory! But in my experience I’ve never had a true male friend - I mean other than friendly acquaintances type relationships- (or one I perceived that way) who didn’t try something at some point, to varying degrees and in varying ways.

What did you say to his previous messages?

I do the school run. Not a hope id be texting any of the school mums stuff like that. Only going to end badly.

Me too. I wouldn't think as much of it if he asked in person to join after dropoff, for a bit of fresh air etc, but messaging more than once to set it up suggests he's thinking about this/OP a fair bit.

No you’re not over thinking it, yes I think it’s weird, and I’d be fuming if he was my partner (and my husband would be fuming if it was vice versa). Bumping in to people randomly, having a chat and going separate ways is one thing, messaging to arrange a 1:1 walk with someone of the opposite sex will almost always have an ulterior motive. People may not admit it or act on it, but my experience is it always ends up messy. If you’re happily married and have friends, is it really worth the risk?

Absolutely this. My best school parent was a dad, personality wise we just clicked and did lots of picking up and dropping off of each others kids and having cuppas and walking up to school together. Socialised outside of school hours too, with our other halves.

Interestingly, the only people who ever raised an eyebrow were the ones who’ve never left this area. Small town mentality is real.

Speak for yourself, I’ve got a lot of male mates and never once have I tried to stir my coffee with one of their penises!

No, only on Mumsnet it is totally ok. He more than likely fancies you. If either of you have partners i think it's disrespectful to meet up 1:1 outside of the school run.

It depends if it seems completely natural based on the friendship between your children or if he has made a bit of a beeline for you and seems to very interested and amused by your everyday conversation.

OP-The fact that you are asking means you know it’s not appropriate!

I don’t think they can, but that’s because I am an old cynic!

I wouldn’t engage. Personal choice I know but I’ve been stung badly (cheated on) after having a ‘of course men and women can be mates with people they have met recently and it’s all absolutely fine’ mentality. I now have firm boundaries around my opposite sex friendships as does my husband. Excepting long standing friends of years obviously.

It depends.

Do you know his wife? Do you have anything else in common eg career path etc? Does he give off weird vibes?

I would certainly go for a coffee. If at any point it starts too feel a bit odd just turn the conversation to positive family/domestic matters

This sounds perfectly fine. It’s a walk and coffee and good company for you both. Whats not to love?

I became very good friends with a school dad. Used to regularly meet for coffees/walks/ play dates. We were both sahp. Neither partners minded. Our kids are now much older and at different secondary school but we still meet up every month or so

Hi I am a man (sorry ) and have a lovely wife. Men show this interest only when they have a certain something on their mind !!!

We know. Well most of us know.
There are a lot of naive women on this thread.
SMH

I know they can - I’ve had some of my male friends for 20-30 years. I’ve shared a bed with two of them (not at the same time) and still not seen their willies. One of them is objectively gorgeous yet I’ve never fancied him. And no I’m not a minger.

I think there is quite a simple solution to this. Organise something at the weekend when everyone is around (walk or invite them over). If he's completely comfortable with that and everything is out in the open then all good. If he is evasive, you can gues he may have had other things in mind.

For me, I wouldn’t look at your own pattern with other school mums and friends, but his. You say you have walks and coffees with the other mums, but does he? Does he walk his dog and go for coffees with other school parents and his own mates?

If the answer to that is no, then I would tread with caution and maybe suggest he join you on a walk with the other school parents you do this with, or suggest a meet up with your own dh and his wife too and see how it goes.

I wouldn’t assume he’s trying to get into your knickers but I also wouldn’t assume he doesn’t want. It’s a scale imo, from Kevin from motherland vibes to Charlie from two and a half men vibes.

Are YOU single? Where is his partner when all this is going on yours? Would you be okay if it was the other way around

Genuine question:
do men go for a walk and have coffee with one other man on a regular basis?

I know my DH wouldn’t and don’t know any other men in my family that do this.

However it’s a regular thing for me and the other women I know.

So am not single and we probably wouldn't socialise as families because we are very different plus we've got too much going on on the weekends. To clarify this isn't the first time we've been out but it did make me wonder.

OP please update this thread in a few weeks. I think as women we need to see more updates on stuff like this. I would love to know if he becomes over friendly or if he is genuine. My instinct is that he will overstep at some point but I long to be proved wrong and begin to find men more palatable