To say if DP doesn’t take time off, SC have to come less?

[Balaciette]

DP is a workaholic and has four children, three from his ex-marriage and one by me. We have SC half the holidays and as every holiday approaches, up materialises some Very Important Reason why he can’t take time off work.

It always ends up with him taking the time off (and being grouchy about it), me taking the time off (and being resentful about it), or some other - female - relative being roped in (which is stressful because I WFH therefore am de facto host whilst working).

I’m sick of it. AIBU?

He is a father of four. He needs to arrange himself like one.

Can't he book holiday clubs like every other working parent?

Hes treating the female relative as a nanny as well and if i was her id tell him to fuck off

He likes the FREE option.

Questions anyone thinking of moving in with someone who has children already needs to ask BEFORE they move in with them:

1. How often and when do you have your kids?

1. Who looks after them at those times?

That's it.

So is he the typical dad who pays less child maintenance (based on nights he has the children) but then opts out of childcare because he wants to maximise his earnings??

How do you manage childcare for your shared child?

he does what everyone else does and use holiday camps if he cant take time off work!!

I'd be taking myself off to work at the office in future and leave him to it

Depends on his job. I have had this happen to me (being expected to work overtime when I'd booked early finishes for holidays). I would say he should look for another one, but these days it's not that easy.
Also some employers seem to have old-fashioned attitudes about it-I have had both male and female bosses who have been more ok about mums not doing overtime because they need to be with their kids than for dads. And the other way round-there was a scene in the office because a mum wanted to take time off when her kid was sick, and when her boss asked if the dad couldn't do it, she screamed at him that she's the mum so it's her role.
It is hard when you both work FT and have young kids. In previous generations grandmothers often didn't work and could maybe help more.

Hi dp, holidays are coming up again. Im so sick of asking you to parent in the holidays that im not going to argue you into it. I’m going to work from a cafe / hotel and I do not care how important whatever comes up with work this time is, I won’t be here. It can’t be more important than your dc and your wife and if it is, then I’ll bow out and you can arrange holiday contact for your four children and I’ll look after my one in my contact time and life will be a breeze. I’ll be out Monday at 9, depending on if you’re being grumpy at not being totally facilitated like a 50s breadwinner, I’ll be back for dinner, or in a few days.

https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement

here’s the answer for him, if he can’t find holiday clubs

No one does! That’s why we use holiday clubs.

Leave his job and get another?!

Yes because life really is that easy. And there are loads of companies who offer 6 - 7 weeks holidays a year (which, let's face it, is what a parent would need to be able to cover half of school holidays). Literally nobody (unless they work in education, are self employed or a SAHP / unemployed) gets the whole school holidays off. The average is 4-5 weeks.

Change his hours

To what? What job would mean that changing hours gets your MORE holidays?

I'm a step-parent. DH gets 4 weeks AL and his ex gets just under 6 I think. Even if they both used their absolute maximum annual leave, there are STILL 2-3 weeks that need covering. This usually entails the help of grandparents, sports clubs or friends and parents stepping in to help each other.

He’s always been a bit huffy about taking time off, but I think it was covered up by the fact that we were on furlough, then various job changes, redundancies, maternity leave et cetera have meant one or other of us has had more time off than standard annual leave over the years.

Paid holiday clubs and then when there isn’t as much household disposable income, he knows how to fix it.

You are not his childcare provider. He can sort it out or see them less and pay their mother more.

Holiday clubs exist for this reason.

Well how do you think the rest of us manage? He needs to work it out for himself

So now you are getting an inkling of the reason he was divorced.

Close your office door and lock it when you're working. Take your own child out somewhere when your H's parenting time rolls around. Make it completely clear that you are washing your hands of nannying. Leave him to figure out the solution to his problem.

You do not have to 'host' the person this loser finds to look after his children

Very few working parents do have enough AL to cover school holidays. That's why we use holiday clubs / paid care / swaps with other working parents / grandparents

I don't think it's fair to their mother to have them less, they are his kids, but he needs to sort out childcare for the time he is working.

Absolutely the opposite actually, she was very much into it. She left because he wanted her to get a job and help contribute to the household (she’s still a SAHM - her other man pays for it).

How old are the DC? Yanbu as wfh is not the same as childcare. Ya only bu if they are old enough not to need childcare but happen to be at home ie they are teenagers imo

I've said that at the bottom of my post....

My response was to someone saying he needs to leave his job or change his hours when in reality it isn't that easy!

He needs to either book them into a holiday club or speak to their mum to rearrange who has them when.

It’s really not that hard for him to solve this…

Surely holiday clubs are the answer? Most parents don’t have enough annual leave to cover all school holidays.

sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it. wants the benefits of a sahm as he doesn't want to take time off to do childcare, but also wants the sahp to be working and bringing money in.