Old and invisible.

[NovemberMorn]

It is a fact of life, once you get past a certain age, you become less noticable.
Once you get past the middle age and get into the definitely OLD age, peoples attitudes change again.

YANBU.
I accept that and welcome it? No more being gawped at by men and looked at as a threat by other women.

YABU.

I love the attention and advantages that being young and attractive brings. I dread the ageing process and how it will change others opinions of me.

What do you need to be noticed and visible for?

I was 11 the first time a grown man hit on me. It was pretty much constant from then until I was about 48. 🙁

The worst was a holiday in Italy with my female college room mate. We ended up staying in the hotel grounds to avoid the hassle.

Being left in peace, going places without harrassment, is lovely. 😊

I welcomed the lack of male attention. I was conventionally beautiful. I last got a sexually inappropriate street comment at 51. Older men 60+ still overstep the mark. I don't know why any woman would want that/this. I'm liking being let on the bus first and being offered a seat, now I'm approaching 60. It must depend on were you live to be concerned about people's attitudes to being old, when out. Here on Merseyside, you are treated well.

Please try and move on from this narrative that women's self worth comes from the view of how they look to others.
There are many complex issues in society and ageism is certainly one of them . However, your age is not your looks is it? It's only a very small facet of it.
You can still be attractive at any age if that's where you feel your self value lies.
I am old.
I don't feel invisible.
I don't feel unattractive.
I suspect there may be bigger worries ahead of me than
..."being gawped at by men and looked at as a threat by other women."

For me it's one huge advantage of being older. That and being offered a seat on the bus/train/tram! The first time I was offered a seat I realised I was old. But I obviously wasn't THAT invisible 😊

I no longer feel the need to keep up with fashion trends, wear the latest make up, serum, tret treatment, facials, spas or whatever. I can walk anywhere and I won't be noticed. On the other hand, I do feel a little more respected if that's the right word as an older woman. I'm feisty though and no one will walk all over ME! lol.

In short, it's hard work being younger and visible.

I am old. I was never that visible, I suppose but I never minded. What does sadden me, however, is that younger people are not interested in me, and I am dismissed automatically by them. There is an assumption that I will not have anything of any merit to say, and my opinions do not count.

It is not that I ever expect people to be crazy to get to know me, but in everyday interactions I am a little sad about a casual glance at me and an automatic dismissal of me. Or, increasingly, being patronised by medical professionals.

I've noticed as I become middle aged people treat me differently. I like it, there's more respect. I dress eccentricly though so I still do get attention. But usually it's from middle aged or older women who like my style. I am loving getting older at the minute.

Invisible to who though?

I'm not hit on by men any more now I'm middle aged, which is obviously just fine. I don't feel 'invisible' though as attention from men is such a tiny part of my visibility as a human being.

I feel seen/visible by all the people that matter in all the circumstances that matter i.e. at work, in my hobbies, with my friends and family

I agree.
The other great advantage is we can people watch ourselves now, no one is noticing that we are looking and taking everything and everyone in, because we are not the ones being studied anymore.😎

I think there are advantages and disadvantages of both age groups.

When young and especially if you are pretty you get attention and some of that is good ie men being helpful and some of it is bad ie men being scary.

When you are older yes you get invisible to men and young people (I am in my fifties) but I don't really mind. I am more tired now and my whole mindset is different. There is less pressure at this age and you are aware 'time is running out' and so other things come into focus. I also retired at 51 so no more work for me.

Also worth pointing out during periods of being young, pretty but also overweight I was invisible for those periods also. So it's not just exclusively if you are young you get attention if you are old you do not. Being fat at any age makes you invisible also.

There is a sadness and nostalgia at the passing of time. Of eras gone by and regrets that you have. Of missing people that are no longer here. You ponder how foolish you were at some of your younger priorities and regret some of your earlier mistakes.

I agree though that once you get over a certain age you get attention again as an old person. Can't say I am particularly looking forward to that era as it means I am probably a bit frail and struggling physically. I live in pure dread of getting any kind of dementia.

I got my first dog at 41 and it was perfect. As I got older, less attractive I had my new male companion and he does not give two hoots what I look like or what size I am as long as the food, walks and treats keep coming.

I don't know why people on MN always talk about being " invisible " when they are older in terms of being invisible to men.

Ime a lot of younger women and girls treat me as though I'm invisible.

And a lot of men are polite and considerate to me now I'm older. Isn't that a goid thing? Or am I supposed to be upset they don't generally find me sexually attractive ? I'm not btw!

This is true but I have found it quite creepy watching men's heads swivel round at an unaware 14 year old schoolgirl. It must have happened to me at that age too and I honestly did not have a clue that men were even noticing me at that age.

It sort of makes me shiver at how I must have been so vunerable and getting eyed up like meat and was totally childlike and unaware (early developer though so very much figure of woman but mind of child)

I feel safer at this age as yes men are not noticing me but there is safety in that.

I think it must be hard for mothers of young, attractive daughters and they must feel so protective of them when they see them getting ogled by middle aged blokes. I am glad I do not have that issue.

Hear, hear. Beautifully put.

This. Thank you for putting it so well, @Forestfire12345

Not a fact of life at all…
I’m North of 60, and don’t feel invisible - in that I am respected at work, both in the office and across the world (global company), my ideas are acted upon, my expertise is valued as is my experience and I enjoy the reputation of helping without patronising and getting to the bottom of any problem I take on.
I have no trouble getting on with people of all ages, my personal dress style is often admired (again, by young and old) and I have never had any issues with men crossing what I would call normal boundaries.
It’s definitely confidence - I wouldn’t say it’s looks-based, but I make just enough effort to look presentable. On occasion I wear makeup, but not all the time, and never too much. I’m lucky that I do have a good complexion and look after that.
IME invisible women are the timid ones who don’t like to speak out, whether in meetings or group conversations, and don’t like to make conversation with people they don’t know well.
My family always joke that I can talk to a stranger and know their life history within 20 minutes - it’s not a skill I was born with, I’ve worked really hard to become less “bolshie”, as I was when growing up, and become a more approachable and empathetic person since my early 20’s - but my DC have definitely learned that from me, and their experience tells me that it’s definitely a skill that can be learned by all.
So to all those feeling invisible, if you want to be seen, work on your confidence - it’s never too late!

You feel invisible. What sort of attention are you not getting? And why does it need to come from an external source?

If you don't like it and can't see the advantages of it, then you can change it. If you can get a decent figure from good nutrition and excercise, wear 'attractive' clothes and spend some money on getting great hair, you'll be surprised how you reappear. Maybe you'll never get the same attention as in your youth, but you don't need to be wallpaper either.
Obviously you shouldn't need to and it's far more righteous to embrace aging, wear what you like and train your mind to higher things. However, if that really doesn't appeal, and life is more fun if you get attention from being visible, it's an option.

In my 50s still get lots of complements, happiest in the woods away from it all with my dogs. In my 20s alot of unwanted attention and inappapropriate behaviour from men

Im mid 40's and I am invisible now. I love it. I remember being chased down the street by builders, being followed home, being propositioned in the street by men in cars, whistled at by vans etc... called a slag by other women - given dirty looks etc...
I'm pretty average looking and don't dress in an attention seeking way... never have (not that it should matter... just I never thought I stood out!)

Standing at the bar. 🙂

This is one of the few aspects of aging that I love! I work in a very male heavy environment (although it's changing a lot now). I used to get hit on by male work colleagues all the time. I've always got on with men better than women but there was this awkward sexual tension in my 20s, which I hated. The fact that I clicked with them and got on easily with them, made them think they were in with a chance (they weren't, I was in a relationship with the man who is now my husband.)

Fast forward to now, in my 50s, and it's great, I can work and socialise with men. At work, they respect me for how good I am at my job. At my hobby, I can chat with men with none of that horrible sexual tension.

In fact, I'd say I feel less invisible than before. In my 20s I was purely visible from a sexual point of view, but now I'm visible for my chatty, friendly personality and how good I am at my job.

I wasn't conventionally "attractive" when I was younger so I'm not sure how people like me might be expected to vote there.

I'm 67 now and have aged better than I expected. I'm quite happy, never having had to bear the AWFUL burden of being gorgeous in my youth.

But this is such a false choice!

Of course I accept (in 50s) that I am less ‘visible’ in that young men in the street don’t whistle at me. This harassment is not something I miss! But I am absolutely not ‘invisible’ to my partner who gives me plenty of attention. And I make the effort to be strong and healthy and well-groomed and wearing things that suit me - in exactly the same way that I make the effort to have an attractive, well-lit, well-presented house.

It is really not the case that the only options for middle aged plus women are either to sink into a sort of dull grey invisibility and accept it; or to mourn their days of being whistled at & frantically try to recapture youth & its ‘advantages’. You can be strong & healthy & look good & have a great sex life even though you’ll never see 50 again.

How do you mean? I'm 50 and I don't feel invisible.

In fact, far less than when I was 25 when I used to say stuff and feel that people didn't listen or take me seriously half the time. I feel like people ask my opinion and give weight to it. Both at work and socially.

What a stupid post. You state this as fact when it isn't.

If everyone over 50 was 'invisible', I would knock into many people on my walk into and from work for a start! 😂